Many happy couples walk down the aisle only to end up hotfooting it to divorce court at some point in the future. Almost half of all first marriages fail, while 60% of second marriages suffer the same fate. It turns out that "third time lucky" often doesn't apply when it comes to happily ever after. Experts estimate three quarters of third marriages don't last. And by the time you finish reading this intro, another one would have bitten the dust...
That's because there's a divorce happening every 36 seconds or so in America alone. We often hear about people calling it quits due to "irreconcilable differences." But upon closer inspection, there's a lot more at play. A lack of commitment, cheating, conflict, and money problems are just a few of the top reasons marriages end. But wait, there's more.
Someone asked divorced netizens, "What was it that finally made you or your spouse end the marriage?" and thousands of people didn't hold back. From the poor soul who went four years without intimacy, to another who knew it was over when their spouse got a face tattoo, the responses read like a not-so-romantic novel. Bored Panda has put together the best ones for anyone who needs even more proof that marriage is not for the faint of heart.
#1
I got it right the second time around but the *first* time...no. We didn't live together first, big mistake. He had been able to hide his alcoholism from me even though I knew and worked closely with him for 3 years before we started dating.
After we got married I tried to put him on the lease, he was denied for having 3 DUIs and a contributing to the delinquency of a minor charge. He said those were in his past and he's changed. Six mos later I was dusting a bookcase and found a liquor bottle wedged behind some books and upon further sleuthing found 5 more assorted bottles stashed around the apartment. We had a stocked liquor cabinet but he wanted to hide his habit.
He said he would get help, he didn't. One night he drove home drunk and shoved me against the wall when I told him how reckless that was. I called the cops, he got held overnight, I boxed his stuff and downloaded the divorce papers and told his dad to bring him to the bank after picking him up from the station so we could split the account and notarize the paperwork.
He said "Why are you overreacting to this? It's not like I hit you.", and I said "Why do you think I'm stupid enough to wait until you do?". That was that.
After we got married I tried to put him on the lease, he was denied for having 3 DUIs and a contributing to the delinquency of a minor charge. He said those were in his past and he's changed. Six mos later I was dusting a bookcase and found a liquor bottle wedged behind some books and upon further sleuthing found 5 more assorted bottles stashed around the apartment. We had a stocked liquor cabinet but he wanted to hide his habit.
He said he would get help, he didn't. One night he drove home drunk and shoved me against the wall when I told him how reckless that was. I called the cops, he got held overnight, I boxed his stuff and downloaded the divorce papers and told his dad to bring him to the bank after picking him up from the station so we could split the account and notarize the paperwork.
He said "Why are you overreacting to this? It's not like I hit you.", and I said "Why do you think I'm stupid enough to wait until you do?". That was that.
63points
We're often urged to "try before we buy." But it turns out that this doesn't necessarily apply to marriage. Interestingly, research has found that couples who live together before tying the knot are at a higher risk of divorce than those who don't.
According to the Institute for Family Studies, couples who cohabitate before getting engaged are 48% more likely to divorce compared to those decide to live apart before marriage. The reason for this, say the experts, is because many unmarried couples move in together and don't address the elephant in the room.
"Our findings suggest that one key to reducing the risk of divorce may be either not to cohabit before marriage or to have settled the big question about marital intentions before moving in together," the researchers revealed.
#2
It wasn't the cheating three years after our wedding or even the 60k in debt she racked up. The final straw for me was when she put our older daughter's head through drywall during a manic rage. I carried my older daughter (four days short of four years old) on my shoulder with one arm while pushing the little one (then six months old) in a stroller and in that three blocks, vowed to myself it was over. And it was.
50points
#3
Would spend 1200 on his car but yelled at me for spending over 40 on groceries.
This a*s spent THOUSANDS of dollars on his car and buying himself lunch daily.
Always made more money than I did, but never got bills paid. I paid every thing because if I didn't I would come home to
no power or telephone.
Also lots of mental a***e.
I figured if I have to pay for everything anyway, I shouldn't have to deal with the mental a***e.
He has been gone 3 years and my mortgage is 2 months ahead and my phone and power constantly have a credit on the next month.
This a*s spent THOUSANDS of dollars on his car and buying himself lunch daily.
Always made more money than I did, but never got bills paid. I paid every thing because if I didn't I would come home to
no power or telephone.
Also lots of mental a***e.
I figured if I have to pay for everything anyway, I shouldn't have to deal with the mental a***e.
He has been gone 3 years and my mortgage is 2 months ahead and my phone and power constantly have a credit on the next month.
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48points
The researchers said that those who moved in together to "test" the relationship or because it made sense financially were more likely to see their marriages end than those who did so because they wanted to spend more time with their partner.
The study also found that having a higher number of previous cohabitating partners (i.e., having lived with more romantic partners) is also associated with a higher risk of divorce.
“More cohabitation experience will often also mean more experience with relationships ending, which can lower barriers to divorce,” the study notes. “Although no one wants to see a marriage that is dangerous or damaging continue, many couples in marriage struggle at some point, and having a sense that one can easily move on can also mean moving toward the door too quickly in a marriage that might have succeeded with more effort.”
#4
It took years for me to finally get to the point where I was done. The last straw was the night he drunkenly screamed at me for hours, at least 5 hours. Then, he blared terrible music for another hour or so, before finally passing out. He'd done it several times in the past, but that time, it broke me. I spent most of the next day crying. That gut wrenching, mournful type of crying. I had a job and moved out six months later. It's been 4 years, i don't regret a minute.
34points
#5
My wife stopped loving me after our daughter died.
34points
#6
She threw a pot of boiling water at me. It was thrown over our five year old son. She threw it at me because I was paying more attention to my son than her, I had just gotten home from work and he asked me to play the Nintendo with him.
34points
According to legal site ConsumerShield, more than 70% of couples cite lack of commitment as a contributing factor to their divorce. Other common reasons include too much conflict and arguing, infidelity, financial problems, domestic violence, and substance use.
Studies have also found that women are more likely to initiate a divorce, despite suffering financially during and after the process. There are various reasons for this but one expert puts it down to emotional intelligence.
Licensed couples’ therapist Gilza Fort-Martinez says men often have lower emotional intelligence than women, and this can lead to female partners feeling unsupported and doing much of the emotional labor in the relationship.
#7
After 4 years without intimacy we knew it was the end. We had two great kids but were just two roommates raising kids together. I moved out and after 8 years apart were still good friends. Wouldn't have it any other way.
33points
#8
He decided he loved illegal substances and partying more than me, and routinely ignored our daughter so he could do just that.
31points
#9
She told me that the voices were telling her to hurt the kids. It broke me.
This was after 4 years of treatment for schizophrenia. She wasn't getting better, only worse.
This was after 4 years of treatment for schizophrenia. She wasn't getting better, only worse.
31points
"Women also tend to gain fewer emotional benefits from marriage, which could make single life seem more appealing. While married men experience multiple perks – including living longer and earning more money – women don’t usually benefit from their relationships in the same way," reports the BBC. "Instead, they bear the brunt of household and child-rearing labour, which can leave working women overwhelmed and stressed."
The BBC adds that often, women feel they have less to lose in the divorce because in the majority of cases, mothers get primary custody of the children.
#10
She decided to stay at a friends place for a couple of days to be closer to work while working long shifts. After a week she decided that she didn't want to be married anymore and filed for divorce. After about a month of her ignoring me I found out through a mutual friend that she had been screwing her boss and had gotten pregnant and that's why she left.
31points
#11
I worked with special needs people, and my ex would say the nastiest, most disgusting things about special needs people to put me down and mock my career ambitions. That's when he bothered to talk to me at all. He wanted a woman that would take care of him and his needs, but he cared very little about reciprocating. I didn't want to have kids with him and have the kids think that how we were living was acceptable.
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31points
#12
The final straw was very specific for me. We'd been together and pathetically poor for years, married because we had an unplanned baby.
He was either unemployed or underemployed the entire time. He refused to live in the real world. I'd tell him, for instance, we have to pay his traffic ticket, he'd refuse, and then got his license revoked and we had to pay $600 which was half our rent - that type of s**t. Just dumb.
Then he'd declare "well, now we know" as if he'd learned a lesson - but it'd happen all over again! He was an enormous weight to keep afloat.
The last straw was, our final year of marriage he'd found better paying work. Instead of following my advice and putting away money for taxes, he'd rolled his eyes and told me to shut up, many times. Well, I did our taxes that year and ended up owing $8000 because he was an independent contractor but didn't plan like one. $8000 was about a third of my yearly salary. I told him, as soon as the taxes were prepared, that I wanted a divorce.
As soon as he moved out, whaddya know all the sudden he found a good paying job to support himself.
As for me, I fell in love with having total control of my money and because I wasn't so drained from being around him all the time, I got a better paying job and got raises, went from making about $25k part time to $90k full time within five years of the divorce. If he'd bothered to hire a lawyer he would have been told that I could've owed him alimony under CA law... Whoever makes more can be liable for alimony.
He was either unemployed or underemployed the entire time. He refused to live in the real world. I'd tell him, for instance, we have to pay his traffic ticket, he'd refuse, and then got his license revoked and we had to pay $600 which was half our rent - that type of s**t. Just dumb.
Then he'd declare "well, now we know" as if he'd learned a lesson - but it'd happen all over again! He was an enormous weight to keep afloat.
The last straw was, our final year of marriage he'd found better paying work. Instead of following my advice and putting away money for taxes, he'd rolled his eyes and told me to shut up, many times. Well, I did our taxes that year and ended up owing $8000 because he was an independent contractor but didn't plan like one. $8000 was about a third of my yearly salary. I told him, as soon as the taxes were prepared, that I wanted a divorce.
As soon as he moved out, whaddya know all the sudden he found a good paying job to support himself.
As for me, I fell in love with having total control of my money and because I wasn't so drained from being around him all the time, I got a better paying job and got raises, went from making about $25k part time to $90k full time within five years of the divorce. If he'd bothered to hire a lawyer he would have been told that I could've owed him alimony under CA law... Whoever makes more can be liable for alimony.
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29points
#13
She called the cops on me with false accusations of a***e and the very next day asked me if I was going to buy her a new iphone.
28points
#14
I just realized that no matter what I did he was never going to change. I let him walk all over me and cheat on me for years and kept thinking of I just did more, was more patient, a better wife etc, he would realize his mistakes.
Example:
He would cheat. I would catch him. A huge fight would break out. He would manipulate me into it somehow being my fault he did it. (You don't love me enough, you'll never trust me again, you didn't have s*x with me that one time back in 2006 and I felt rejected) Somehow I would have to make it up to him and prove to him I trusted him.
I'd forgive him and work my a*s off to be happier, nicer, more understanding (all the b******t he fed me) and after a few months I would just catch him all over again.
The last straw was when he convinced me he had really changed. He wanted to be a family, the whole package.
Of course I ended up pregnant.
It turned out to be high risk and I was hospitalized often. Only allowed home with bed rest. Even then he wouldnt stop running around on me.
I lost 45 pounds, my hair started falling out, I was to weak to even walk. My own family thought I was dying.
He didn't even care.
So at one point I was sitting by myself and I just realized. I was done. He was never going to change. And it wasn't my fault. I couldn't fix whatever was broken in him and I was done trying.
It took six months after the baby was born before doctors would let me go back to work. I moved out. Spent a few years alone, swearing off men. Now I'm with a fantastic man that loves me.
The divorce is still dragging on. My ex tried a lot of s****y tricks when he found out I was leaving. I laughed in his face at every one.
He doesn't get it. At one point I seriously thought I would d*e. I thought my kids would be left alone with only him to take care of them. After going through that, nothing he could do could bother me. Ever.
So anyway. That's my story. Hope it helps.
Example:
He would cheat. I would catch him. A huge fight would break out. He would manipulate me into it somehow being my fault he did it. (You don't love me enough, you'll never trust me again, you didn't have s*x with me that one time back in 2006 and I felt rejected) Somehow I would have to make it up to him and prove to him I trusted him.
I'd forgive him and work my a*s off to be happier, nicer, more understanding (all the b******t he fed me) and after a few months I would just catch him all over again.
The last straw was when he convinced me he had really changed. He wanted to be a family, the whole package.
Of course I ended up pregnant.
It turned out to be high risk and I was hospitalized often. Only allowed home with bed rest. Even then he wouldnt stop running around on me.
I lost 45 pounds, my hair started falling out, I was to weak to even walk. My own family thought I was dying.
He didn't even care.
So at one point I was sitting by myself and I just realized. I was done. He was never going to change. And it wasn't my fault. I couldn't fix whatever was broken in him and I was done trying.
It took six months after the baby was born before doctors would let me go back to work. I moved out. Spent a few years alone, swearing off men. Now I'm with a fantastic man that loves me.
The divorce is still dragging on. My ex tried a lot of s****y tricks when he found out I was leaving. I laughed in his face at every one.
He doesn't get it. At one point I seriously thought I would d*e. I thought my kids would be left alone with only him to take care of them. After going through that, nothing he could do could bother me. Ever.
So anyway. That's my story. Hope it helps.
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24points
#15
Late to the party and probably gonna get buried, but I'd like to share.
I'm active duty and my ex husband was/is a civilian. Years ago I went overseas for a 15 month remote tour and he stayed stateside with our ten month old. I called him to let him know I got approved to come back and visit for two weeks for my midtour, and he said he needed to call the utility company and have the gas turned on so I could take a hot shower when I got home.
Me: "Wait, you don't have hot water? Why?"
Ex: It's expensive!
Keep in mind that the baby was now 1.5 and this was winter in the Midwest.
Me: How does [baby] take baths?!?
Ex: I just run the water and let it come up to room temperature.
Our heat was powered by gas. Our hot water was powered by gas. Our STOVE was gas. My child had been living in a cold house and eating cold food. Taking "room temperature" baths. He had a decent-paying job, I paid the rent and daycare bills directly, plus we shared a joint bank account. There was NO REASON my kid should have gone without.
When I landed stateside, I went to the house to get my kid and he attacked me. Ran out of there with kiddo and straight to a lawyer to file for divorce. I found out later he'd been arrested for possession with his girlfriend a couple weeks prior to my visit. Dunno where my kid was for that, the police report makes no mention of a baby in the car. I spent my two weeks on my mom's couch and my kid had to go back to my ex's house when I left.
I finally got full custody after his neighbors found my four-year-old running around outside in the middle of the night crying, trying to find his dad. Ex had left him home alone. Neighbors called the police and I got an emergency order.
This ended up being longer than I intended, sorry all. Thanks for reading.
TL,DR: Military, went overseas without ex and kid, ex didn't think hot water was necessary for a baby.
I'm active duty and my ex husband was/is a civilian. Years ago I went overseas for a 15 month remote tour and he stayed stateside with our ten month old. I called him to let him know I got approved to come back and visit for two weeks for my midtour, and he said he needed to call the utility company and have the gas turned on so I could take a hot shower when I got home.
Me: "Wait, you don't have hot water? Why?"
Ex: It's expensive!
Keep in mind that the baby was now 1.5 and this was winter in the Midwest.
Me: How does [baby] take baths?!?
Ex: I just run the water and let it come up to room temperature.
Our heat was powered by gas. Our hot water was powered by gas. Our STOVE was gas. My child had been living in a cold house and eating cold food. Taking "room temperature" baths. He had a decent-paying job, I paid the rent and daycare bills directly, plus we shared a joint bank account. There was NO REASON my kid should have gone without.
When I landed stateside, I went to the house to get my kid and he attacked me. Ran out of there with kiddo and straight to a lawyer to file for divorce. I found out later he'd been arrested for possession with his girlfriend a couple weeks prior to my visit. Dunno where my kid was for that, the police report makes no mention of a baby in the car. I spent my two weeks on my mom's couch and my kid had to go back to my ex's house when I left.
I finally got full custody after his neighbors found my four-year-old running around outside in the middle of the night crying, trying to find his dad. Ex had left him home alone. Neighbors called the police and I got an emergency order.
This ended up being longer than I intended, sorry all. Thanks for reading.
TL,DR: Military, went overseas without ex and kid, ex didn't think hot water was necessary for a baby.
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24points
#16
He became a totally different person after we got married. He became very controlling and manipulative. I was expected to do all the chores and make dinner every night (this after working a highly stressful 40 hour/week job). He became emotionally and verbally a*****e to me. Constantly thought I was cheating on him. If I had anything other than a smile on my face at all times I was ridiculed. Everything that happened was always my fault. He was never wrong. He was always the victim. I didn't want to go home because I didn't know if I was walking into Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. Had him go to 2 different counselors and didn't make it more than 2 sessions with each because he didn't need therapy. I decided to stop it all when I started to become depressed from the constant stress. I am a normally very happy positive person and I became a walking bunch of nerves. I couldn't get past the belief that anyone who truly loved me would never treat me like he had been. Have been divorced for 6 months now. Although I get lonely sometimes, I would still take loneliness a thousand times over being back with him.
23points
#17
Easy answer?
Steve.
See, Steve was that guy my ex knew in high school. That guy where there was always a spark of chemistry, but the time was never right. He was the "one that got away." Years later when we'd been married for a few years she got back in touch with some old friends and wound up going to visit those old friends - Steve included. Old sparks began to fly, and next thing you know the missus was carrying on an affair with Steve.
She left me to be with him. They were soul-mates, after all. Denied their true love by fourteen years of time and two intervening marriages (me and my wife and Steve and his).
That's the easy answer. Blame it on Steve.
Truth is, I never should have got married in the first place. At least, not to her. It was doomed from the get-go and Steve was just a willing scapegoat.
Steve.
See, Steve was that guy my ex knew in high school. That guy where there was always a spark of chemistry, but the time was never right. He was the "one that got away." Years later when we'd been married for a few years she got back in touch with some old friends and wound up going to visit those old friends - Steve included. Old sparks began to fly, and next thing you know the missus was carrying on an affair with Steve.
She left me to be with him. They were soul-mates, after all. Denied their true love by fourteen years of time and two intervening marriages (me and my wife and Steve and his).
That's the easy answer. Blame it on Steve.
Truth is, I never should have got married in the first place. At least, not to her. It was doomed from the get-go and Steve was just a willing scapegoat.
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23points
#18
My daughter was crying one night, she had a bad dream, and my husband told me to stay in bed and went to her. She was not comfortable with him, so she kept crying for me. It escalated to him spanking her and screaming at her to stop crying. This woke up her brother, who started crying and got spanked as well. He then broke apart the chair in their room because he stubbed his toe on it--the one I rocked them in at night--and threatened to burn their new beds in the back yard if they didn't stop crying. They were 5 and 3. He came into our bedroom where I sat, scared and stunned, got dressed, told me to "deal with it" and left. It was 1:00 am. I didn't see him until the next night. I have no idea where he went or what he did in that time. All I know is I started packing and making plans that day, and 9 months later I moved out. That night was the culmination of years of gas-lighting me and neglecting his children. His parents told me it was the best decision I ever made...it caused him to finally become a real parent. And not having to live with his mental health issues was the best decision for me. He still struggles with the parenting, but we are doing very well now and we are amiable and focused on the best for the kids.
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23points
#19
When I came to the realization that if my child ended up in a relationship like my marriage because she thought that's how married people treated each other, I'd never forgive myself.
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22points
#20
Came home early one day to see a unfamiliar truck in the driveway. I drove around the corner and texted her I'm on my way home. She responded she was at the beach with some female friends. Sure enough I see her and some dude hop in the truck and take off. I brought it up with her later and she said he was just a friend and didn't want me to think she was cheating. However I later found her second phone hidden away with a bunch of dirty texts to about 7 other guys. We were only married for 3 months. F*****g w***e.
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21points