You can share a home, a bed, and years of your life with someone without knowing some important details about them. Some secrets stay hidden throughout a marriage, only to tumble out when the relationship ends and lawyers start digging into the details. A few of these revelations are enough to make you wonder how anyone managed to keep them under wraps for so long.
Divorce lawyers have a front-row seat to some of the messiest secrets in people's relationships, and they've heard plenty of stories that would probably make your jaw drop. These cases show just how much spouses can learn about their partners when a marriage falls apart. Pandas, prepare for some eyebrow-raising confessions!
#1
Family lawyer here. The clients are the worst part of family law because you see them in their worst moments during a very difficult time in their lives. Having said that, I certainly wasn’t “rooting” for this one client who video taped his ex wife without her knowledge when she would get drunk to use her behavior against her which just rubbed me the wrong way. He was also very pompous, snobby, yet would send rambling emails with numerous spelling and grammar mistakes. He just grossed me out.
I had a client in a custody case that initially I thought had a great case against her ex but as the case went on, I believe her behavior was potentially more harmful toward the children than the ex, borderline munchausen by proxy.
I had a client in a custody case that initially I thought had a great case against her ex but as the case went on, I believe her behavior was potentially more harmful toward the children than the ex, borderline munchausen by proxy.
5points
#2
Raleigh digital forensics guy here, worked a thousand divorces in Raleigh over the last 20 years.
What's more typical, is to have a client come to you with a horror story about how horrible their spouse is, and then you find out that both of them are absolutely horrible people and deserve each other.
One story that comes to mind, was investigating a doctor his wife was upset because he was supposedly having an affair with one of the nurses. She tells me that her and him had gotten into an argument, he didn't push her or hit her he just gently moved her out the front door and locked it. She said she had to go around to the back door and crawl in the dog door to get back in the house. She told him that she was not going to have intimacy with him until he apologized. Apparently he never apologized and 8 years later he decided to have an affair with a nurse.
I can do this all day....
What's more typical, is to have a client come to you with a horror story about how horrible their spouse is, and then you find out that both of them are absolutely horrible people and deserve each other.
One story that comes to mind, was investigating a doctor his wife was upset because he was supposedly having an affair with one of the nurses. She tells me that her and him had gotten into an argument, he didn't push her or hit her he just gently moved her out the front door and locked it. She said she had to go around to the back door and crawl in the dog door to get back in the house. She told him that she was not going to have intimacy with him until he apologized. Apparently he never apologized and 8 years later he decided to have an affair with a nurse.
I can do this all day....
5points
#3
NAL but a guy I worked with got sick and needed an organ transplant. His wife was a match but he was too high risk for the surgery. He quit smoking/drinking, got in shape and was able to get the surgery with his wife donating the organ.
After the transplant... he divorced his wife for a younger hottie.
After the transplant... he divorced his wife for a younger hottie.
5points
In the United States alone, 662,950 divorces and annulments were recorded in 2024, according to the National Center for Health Statistics. That's a staggering number of marriages coming to an end, and not every couple parts ways because they grew apart.
Sometimes, one partner discovers that the person they shared a home and a life with has been keeping some pretty serious secrets. These revelations can make an already painful divorce harder to stomach.
#4
My Ex was a lawyer and the saddest case was when both parties were fighting over two little kids…
Because neither parent wanted them.
Because neither parent wanted them.
4points
#5
Client got caught cheating on his wife, wanted a divorce but didn’t have bravery to tell her so and asked me to inform her he was filing for divorce two days after she had his child.
4points
#6
I have a cousin that was a divorce lawyer and she always said “crime law is the worst people on their best behavior and divorce law is good people on their worst behavior”.
4points
Keeping secrets from your spouse might seem like an easy way to avoid an uncomfortable conversation, but it can create problems that are harder to deal with later. Research has found that when people suspect their partners are hiding things, it can damage trust in the relationship.
This can gradually wear away at the connection between two people, leaving one partner constantly wondering what else they haven't been told. Nobody wants to feel like they need detective skills just to get an honest answer in their marriage.
#7
I wasn't the lawyer: my close family member was.
Couple had two kids: one healthy, one severely disabled. Like 24-hour-a-day care, more surgeries than birthdays, will never have a normal life, might maybe possibly learn to speak a word or two eventually, will never be out of diapers.
Client's idea of the divorce was that his soon-to-be ex wife would take the disabled kid and move out of the house. He would keep the house and the healthy kid, and his girlfriend would move in. He would contribute nothing to the ex wife, and nothing toward the care of the disabled kid, for the rest of his life. They would just... evaporate.
The judge was not impressed.
She got everything the judge could possibly give her. The house, the nicer car, both kids, alimony and the maximum child support allowed by law. I think the judge would have turned the guy over his knee and spanked him if it had been possible.
Couple had two kids: one healthy, one severely disabled. Like 24-hour-a-day care, more surgeries than birthdays, will never have a normal life, might maybe possibly learn to speak a word or two eventually, will never be out of diapers.
Client's idea of the divorce was that his soon-to-be ex wife would take the disabled kid and move out of the house. He would keep the house and the healthy kid, and his girlfriend would move in. He would contribute nothing to the ex wife, and nothing toward the care of the disabled kid, for the rest of his life. They would just... evaporate.
The judge was not impressed.
She got everything the judge could possibly give her. The house, the nicer car, both kids, alimony and the maximum child support allowed by law. I think the judge would have turned the guy over his knee and spanked him if it had been possible.
4points
#8
One time a wife ask me to defend her in a criminal case in wich her husband accuse her of buying a house on her name with his money while he was on a bussines trip, the wife move out to that house with her affair partner and file for divorce. When I finished to read the file I ask her for her version of the facts and she just confirmed all of them with no remorese, my jaw dropped and though "if Im gonna take this case at least let the pay be worth the trauma of defending her" so when she ask for how much would cost her to hire me I said an amount four times what I would charge, she never called, and TBH I´ m glad she din´ t.
4points
#9
My client didn’t mind paying child support but wanted to make sure they couldn’t force him to see his kids. That he adopted from foster care.
4points
One particularly painful secret a spouse can uncover is finding out that their partner has been seeing someone else or carrying on a whole relationship behind their back. A study that looked at people's reasons for divorce identified infidelity as the most commonly reported cause among those interviewed.
Being cheated on can shatter the trust a couple has spent years building, leaving the betrayed partner feeling hurt and humiliated. To make matters worse, they may also have been exposed to infections without even knowing it.
#10
People who ask me to use their kids as leverage for more money. I don’t do that, but it’s hard for me to forget they asked.
4points
#11
I can't remember but there was a post a couple years ago with a similar question. I remember a couple involving a pet, one of them who wanted the Dog just had it euthanized a few days later. I remember another thread a while back that involved a family grandfather clock that was passed down to the wife after he father passed away. In the divorce they had later on, the Husband was able to "claim" it due to its value. He ended up not being able to sell it at any auctions because it had the name engraving on it. It was worth like $30k in the settlement and he barely got $5k out of it.
4points
#12
I was working with this old rich sailor one time and he was giving most of his money to academia but the guy who he was divorcing was the head of this institute dedicated to academia and this guy was funding the place, so already some really murky waters. They didnt know what would happen to the institute if the funding went away, so I started asking some of the other lawyers that were around about them, because the people are pretty high profile and I though a few would know about them, and most of the divorce lawyers have dealt with the exact people, they've had these clips before. It turned out that they had had 47 DIVORCES BEFORE.
4points
Sometimes, the biggest shock isn't another person, but the resentment that's been quietly building up over the years. One spouse may have felt neglected, struggled with unequal responsibilities, or grown unhappy with the direction of their marriage without ever being honest about it.
Instead, they bottle up their feelings until the frustration becomes impossible to ignore. By the time those feelings spill out, it’s already too late to work through.
#13
am lawyer, but not divorce lawyer. I met someone who used to practice in matrimonials but switched to crim defense. Their logic was simple. You can reason with most criminals, they want to look out for themselves. But clients in divorces? They will hurt themselves to spite others. To this day I have since heard all the stories and I will never practice in that field.
3points
#14
My brother's ex burned through her trust fund in just a few years (would have lasted 50 for a normal person).
She kicked my brother out of the house several times for 1) having a job and wanting to actually keep a small portion of his earnings, 2) accused him of cheating even though his ONLY time away from her was his time at work and the few minute drive to and from it. 3) opening his own bank account. 4) opening it again after having closed it on her demand (she had actually driven him to the bank to make him close it the first time)
She literally wouldn't let him have an account of his own, and would then lock him out of the house for weeks on end.
That was the end of that.
Pro life tip: don't marry a malignant narcissist.
She kicked my brother out of the house several times for 1) having a job and wanting to actually keep a small portion of his earnings, 2) accused him of cheating even though his ONLY time away from her was his time at work and the few minute drive to and from it. 3) opening his own bank account. 4) opening it again after having closed it on her demand (she had actually driven him to the bank to make him close it the first time)
She literally wouldn't let him have an account of his own, and would then lock him out of the house for weeks on end.
That was the end of that.
Pro life tip: don't marry a malignant narcissist.
3points
#15
While going through initial divorce my ex wrote up most of his own stuff and had his lawyer sign off.
My ex was a disbarred Yale Law grad who knew nothing about family law. He was also an extreme narsisist/sociopath who couldn't grasp that everything wasn't his.
His lawyer called my lawyer to apologize on a professional level for the documents he was about to be send- explaining my ex insisted.
He wanted her to know he didn't write it and it wasn't to be taken seriously.
My ex was a disbarred Yale Law grad who knew nothing about family law. He was also an extreme narsisist/sociopath who couldn't grasp that everything wasn't his.
His lawyer called my lawyer to apologize on a professional level for the documents he was about to be send- explaining my ex insisted.
He wanted her to know he didn't write it and it wasn't to be taken seriously.
3points
Financial secrets can also cause a lot of tension between spouses. Some people rack up debt or hide how much they're spending, hoping their partner won't notice.
A National Endowment for Financial Education survey found that 43% of U.S. adults who shared finances with a partner had hidden some financial information from them. About 85% reported that it affected their relationship. That's a lot of couples dealing with money troubles that could have been avoided with a little honesty.
#16
This was in the uk so it’s solicitors but all the same.
Someone else in the office had a family case where she decided she wasn’t going to work for the client anymore because they were becoming increasingly difficult to deal with. It was a long time ago so I can’t remember for sure but after we stopped working for them I think they started harassing the solicitor. Calling her multiple times a day and just generally being a nuisance.
A couple of days later I realise a car has been sat in our car park for quite a while with people inside and just staring into my ground floor office. I ask the receptionist what’s going on and we realise it’s this person that has been ditched as a client. The branch manager went out to the car and told them it was a private car park and they were going to have to leave. There was a lot of shouting on the ex-client’s part plus whoever was in the car with them.
Eventually they leave but the strange part was that they filmed the entire thing as if them sat on private property attempting to harass the staff was a win for them? I’ve no idea what happened to them but I sure hope they didn’t get custody of the kids.
Someone else in the office had a family case where she decided she wasn’t going to work for the client anymore because they were becoming increasingly difficult to deal with. It was a long time ago so I can’t remember for sure but after we stopped working for them I think they started harassing the solicitor. Calling her multiple times a day and just generally being a nuisance.
A couple of days later I realise a car has been sat in our car park for quite a while with people inside and just staring into my ground floor office. I ask the receptionist what’s going on and we realise it’s this person that has been ditched as a client. The branch manager went out to the car and told them it was a private car park and they were going to have to leave. There was a lot of shouting on the ex-client’s part plus whoever was in the car with them.
Eventually they leave but the strange part was that they filmed the entire thing as if them sat on private property attempting to harass the staff was a win for them? I’ve no idea what happened to them but I sure hope they didn’t get custody of the kids.
3points
#17
Not a divorce lawyer but I did do some family work in my articles. Never had a client so bad that I hoped they didn't get anything but I certainly had one that I lost a lot of sympathy for.
Had a client who had visitation with his daughter every two weeks over Skype. He comes to me saying that she never shows up. I go to the other side and ask what is going on. They tell me that the daughter waits every time and my client never shows up. I resend the schedule out to my client and the other lawyer and remind everyone to show up.
Two weeks later and my client is back telling me that his daughter didn't show up. I send the schedule to everyone again with stronger wording about showing up. The other lawyer tells me that my client is lying because the daughter has showed up every time and he has never even logged on.
We go through this charade a few times and finally I start sending reminders to both parties about the evening's Skype session. After about the third time of sending reminders on the day of, my client emails me that it's not the right day for the Skype.
This idiot had been signing in on the wrong every other week for months and had never once bothered to check the schedule that I had repeatedly given him or read the reminders I had sent. I had felt bad that he hadn't been able to see his daughter before this but after... not a whole lot of sympathy.
Had a client who had visitation with his daughter every two weeks over Skype. He comes to me saying that she never shows up. I go to the other side and ask what is going on. They tell me that the daughter waits every time and my client never shows up. I resend the schedule out to my client and the other lawyer and remind everyone to show up.
Two weeks later and my client is back telling me that his daughter didn't show up. I send the schedule to everyone again with stronger wording about showing up. The other lawyer tells me that my client is lying because the daughter has showed up every time and he has never even logged on.
We go through this charade a few times and finally I start sending reminders to both parties about the evening's Skype session. After about the third time of sending reminders on the day of, my client emails me that it's not the right day for the Skype.
This idiot had been signing in on the wrong every other week for months and had never once bothered to check the schedule that I had repeatedly given him or read the reminders I had sent. I had felt bad that he hadn't been able to see his daughter before this but after... not a whole lot of sympathy.
3points
#18
A previous time this was asked one person chimed in and mentioned a pet parrot. They were to share custody until the parrot passed away (they can live a long time) but neither were allowed to teach the parrot to swear at the other.
3points
Once a couple starts sorting out their finances during divorce, some of those hidden details can become harder to hide. In cases involving financial settlements, both parties may have to disclose information about their income, property, debts, and other assets.
The UK judiciary's guide to sorting out finances after divorce explains that spouses are expected to provide full and honest financial information during the process. So that account your partner never mentioned, or the debt they conveniently forgot about, may need some explaining after all.
#19
My dad ugh was the walking dictionary description of a narcissist. We lived in a very rural area when he and my mum split (living on the same rural road approx 10 min drive from each other btw) he wen through every lawyer in the next town over trying to double-cross her with continuing custody disputes, demanding stuff that wasn’t legal, having the police raid our house for guns and substances even though he was the one with those things just to make her look bad. Some fired him, most he fired. FF 20 years my stepmum is in the process of divorcing him, his kids from that marriage were late teens and did not want a bar of him so he couldn’t use them as a weapon but used the farm instead to try and kick her out of settlement, he did the same thing with different lawyers bar getting the police involved. Funniest thing was my stepmum ended up using the same lawyer my mum did all those years ago, the mums are great friends now. Dad passed away of a heart attack last year, left no will so we had to call every lawyer in the 3 surrounding towns to see if he had one with them, they did not, but they all remembered him, word got around fast and most wouldn’t work for him. So yeah his farm has cost us around $10k in lawyers fees, plus his funeral costs, that selfish jerk.
3points
#20
Not a divorce lawyer, but this happened with a family member. Both parties were unhappy, and mutually decided they didn't want to be married anymore. This was back in the day where it was more viable to be a single income family. She was a homemaker for 30+ years, raising their 4 kids. He was fine with her leaving and them getting a divorce. However, he felt that she shouldn't get anything in the divorce. She didn't deserve the house, or one of the cars, or any portion of the savings/retirement, because he was the one who worked. Since he was the only one who worked, every one of the assets was his to keep. Obviously, their respective divorce lawyers, and the court, disagreed. He went through 3 different lawyers, who each fired him b/c of his toxic attitude when they weren't able to secure the divorce judgment he wanted (he keeps everything, she gets nothing). Then, he decided that the court wasn't allowed to pass any judgements in the case if he wasn't present. So he just stopped attending any of the hearings. Which worked the first two times. After rescheduling twice, the court lost patience and just ruled in her favor on every item b/c he wasn't there to contest anything. I'm very sure that in the end, they just followed the state's given guidelines for dividing things up. But yeah.....he probably deserved to get burned a bit more than he did, given how he handled it all.
3points