Deciding to break up with your partner is hardly ever easy. Especially if you’ve been together for years and built a shared life. It’s such a monumental decision to make that it’s hard to know if you’re making the right decision. Sometimes, asking for advice on the internet can give you some perspective.
#1
No. No regrets. Only regret I have is that I wasted so many years trying to make it work and that I allowed my kids to be in such a hostile environment.
55points
#2
I don’t regret it. I had a husband that put no effort into the marriage, everything became my responsibility because why should he do anything when he has a perfectly good wife that could do it except mow the lawn. He did do that. Fix things, put together furniture…woman’s job. Anything related to food, cooking, children…woman’s job. And I worked a more demanding job, it’s not like I stayed at home all day. Come home late and he’s been home all day, guess who gets to now cook dinner? Me! It was exhausting. It is my soapbox.
Now, when I work late, my boyfriend has a homemade dinner waiting. I’m not paying for every single thing. I have someone that goes places, makes plans, does literally everything my ex-husband did not do. It’s nice. It makes life more enjoyable. I’m a better parent because before I didn’t deserve to have time away from my kids so unless I was at work, I had the kids. He deserved a break though….days, a week while I took the kids on vacations alone. Off.my.soapbox.
35points
#3
Bishop bullwinkle: HELL NAW, to the NAW NAW
I’d rather be alone with myself and daughter than alone with someone so toxic and downright uncaring. I think at times I try to rationalize their personality as a mental illness, or a brain disorder. But then I think of how much I pleaded and explained and asked. There was never any true apology. Just ones that were rehearsed. I was the problem for being so sensitive. Yes. Me.
34points
According to Divorce.com, 40% to 50% of married American couples file for divorce, meaning the United States has the sixth highest divorce rate in the world. Meanwhile, the vast majority of all divorces are initiated by women. Based on the data, 69% of all divorces are started by women vs. 31% by men.
Generally speaking, there is a higher likelihood of your relationship falling apart if it’s not your first marriage. 60% of second marriages end in divorce, while the same is true for 73% of third marriages in the US.
#4
My wife went cold, and eventually initiated it. Only 6 months or so later am I really emerging back into who I once was. I still have dreams that we are together and happy, but I wake up to memories of complete unhappiness.
I just truly wish we could go back to when we loved each other. But that ship has sailed.
So forward I go.
33points
#5
I regret that I didn't start the divorce when I discovered his first affair. Believed he wanted to reconcile and things got much, much worse.
32points
#6
I regret my divorce from my first husband. We were young, and we did have some problems. But it was probably things that we could have worked out, had I been willing to try harder, but my pride got in the way. So, I wouldn't take him back. Years later, I thought we were going to give it another go, but then, he got with his current wife. That hurt... a lot.
But I probably deserved it. So, I have remained silent these last few years, while he is happy with his second family, and I am alone.
But I probably deserved it. So, I have remained silent these last few years, while he is happy with his second family, and I am alone.
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26points
Divorce.com states that the average American couple goes through their first divorce around the age of 30. Meanwhile, young couples between the ages of 20 to 25 have a 60% chance of seeing their marriage fall apart.
Forbes notes that the number one reason for American couples getting divorced is a lack of family support. A survey conducted by Forbes Advisor showed that 43% of people listed it as the main reason for the marriage ending.
In second place was infidelity (34%), while 31% of respondents listed a lack of intimacy, lack of compatibility, and too much conflict as the driving factors behind their divorce.
#7
I regret not doing it sooner. I exited with a bunch of built up trauma from dealing with an emotionally abusive partner who didn't really care about anything beyond what I could do for them for almost a decade and a half.
That said, I felt immense guilt for leaving even when I did it. I regret that I was in a place where that was my mindset.
25points
#8
I loved my husband very much, I think I still love him for the sweet memories we had together. He left me with two little kids, saying that he no longer felt he was important to me or that I was giving him enough of what he really wanted. Plus, he did not want a second child and felt betrayed when I did not have an abortion. This coincided with postpartum depression, mood swings, and weight gain, which was bugging him very much. He now sees the children and takes care of them, but he lives at his mom's home. The only thought I constantly have in mind is what is the mistake I made that made him leave.
He was a super dad to our son; we could be a good team, but we failed. I blame myself too and want to find out my own mistakes that could have been avoided.
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24points
#9
I regret it. After being separated for nearly three years, my true feelings were suppressed by anger that the effort wasn’t there. Divorce just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I am still in love with him and I always will. Our divorce was finalized in March of this year. If I could take it back I would.
22points
In the meantime, financial stress accounted for 24% of divorces, a lack of commitment was a factor for 23% of marriages failing while parenting differences were an important factor in 20% of people’s divorces.
What do you do to keep your relationship strong and stay on the same page with your partner, dear Pandas? Do you know anyone who regretted breaking up? How did you help them if they were struggling to move on after this? If you feel up to sharing your thoughts, you can do so in the comment section at the bottom of this post.
#10
I absolutely had regrets, we were together for 9 years married for 5. I decided to move out and start the divorce process because I just truly felt like I didn’t love her anymore. I mean I know I did, I still do but not like a husband and wife but more like best friends. It’s been about a year and a half and I still very much miss that friendship we had. There were times I thought I made a mistake because I was so lonely. I had to realize that just being lonely isn’t a good reason to keep trying to force love where it really shouldn’t be. If I could choose I would still be friends with her, but she has no interest in that and I just have to respect that. I have recently started talking to someone and it is the first time I’ve had that “butterflies in my stomach” feeling with someone in a long time. It feels good but it’s terrifying at the same time. However, feeling that is kind of a sign that I made the right decision in the long run. I just didn’t feel that way for my ex anymore, no matter how bad I wanted to. I truly wish we could have worked it out and there are times that I wish I would’ve just tried to suck it out a bit longer but I just truly don’t think we were right for each other in the long run.
21points
#11
We have been separated for over 2 years, divorced for over 1, and I don't have any regrets. My decision to leave, while probably selfish, was for my own personal well-being. And the fact we have 2 kids together made it tougher, but I was miserable and I would unfairly take it out on her and the kids.
Like you, there were definite fears, but we didn't have a natural connection. It got to the point where it literally felt like a job to keep the relationship "steady", and I just always felt that while, yes, relationships take work to keep them strong, it shouldn't FEEL like work. Also, like you, I knew I could make it work... But, honestly, it just got to a point where I didn't want to.
It was awkward during the separation period, but my ex and I get along totally fine now. We coparent with no issues, and the kids have adjusted as well as I could have hoped. I haven't started dating yet (just didn't feel like the timing was right), but I know she has joined some online dating apps and whatnot and I'm honestly happy for her if she can find someone that truly makes her happy effortlessly.
Best of luck with whatever you decide. It definitely isn't an easy decision, it definitely gets lonely at times, but it eventually just becomes life and you move on (hopefully for the better).
19points
#12
Yes, I regret initiating the divorce from my first husband (am currently remarried for over a decade). I regret it for many reasons, specifically because I don’t think I tried hard enough to save it. I regret what the kids had to go through too. Looking back, I made a lot of Mistakes. Having said that, I have beautiful children and a good husband now, both of which I wouldn’t have if I’d stayed in the first marriage.
18points
#13
I signed the papers today. No kids. No assets. But my heart is hurting so bad. I don’t want to get a divorce, but he and I want different things.
I know this is what’s best in the long run.
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18points
#14
All I can say is that I feel the pain, regret, and sadness resonating in all of the accounts. I got divorced after 12 years, and it nearly broke me mentally and spiritually. I was mostly to blame, but she wouldn’t accept any responsibility and would not go to even one counseling session. Her two daughters (both from her marriage to her first husband who had left her shortly before we met) poisoned her against me.
To any person who is thinking about marriage to someone who has their own kids, think long and hard. I was doomed from the onset.
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18points
#15
None. Was the best decision for the kids and my self. Getting knocked around in front of them was terrible. I was lonely for a bit but it's never came in my head that it would be better to be back with the ex. Just got to keep the fight up to make sure I can get the kiddos so I can keep them in school.
17points
#17
I regret it and I initiated it. Luckily though he agreed to start dating me again.
16points
#18
It's been almost four years since my partner of almost a decade left me for another person (I think they got together before he even left). I have not felt like myself, or like I have a home, since the last time I saw him.
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15points
#19
Personally, I just regret getting married in the first place. I knew he wasn't right for me, and I was just settling. It took getting married to really show me it wouldn't make me happy and just caused him a lot of heartache.
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15points