No one’s immune to a relationship going sour; even the strongest or longest ones might unexpectedly come to an end, but usually, not without a reason. For quite a few unlucky love birds, it’s learning a secret about their significant other that ends it all.
Members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community recently shared their experiences with such unfortunate situations, after the user ‘Select_Example_794’ asked them about THE secrets they discovered that made them leave their ex. The netizens’ stories ranged from upsetting to plain shocking, so if you’re wondering what it takes to end a seemingly strong relationship, scroll down to find their answers on the list below.
#1
Her secret heart: she wanted to be a trad wife. In my 30’s I was working a good paying union job as a welder in a shipyard, a job I truly loved. I owned a home but had no other debt, our car was paid for. She worked as a sushi waitress a couple times a week and earned all of our fun money plus a little extra for her hobbies. Things were chill.
We shared our car which wasn’t a big deal since our shifts never crossed and if she ever needed the car that day she would bring to work in the morning at 5am and head back to do her day.
A few years go by and she expresses interest in going back to school. Awesome!! She’d had some public school trauma so we spent a lot of time talking it over and she decided to start with one community college art class. Low stakes, creative, aligned with her interests.
She loved it! Wonderful. She loved it so much she wanted to start full time classes. We pulled out our finances and looked things over. I could pick up overtime easily, so I’d start picking up an extra shift a couple times a month, she’d drop down to one shift at sushi.
This makes things tight, but she’s really starting to blossom. Then the next quarter rolled around and she decided she needed a car of her own in order to take the classes she wanted- sharing a car had its limits. We take the finances out again and the only way to make that happen was her earning $300 more a month to cover the new car note
or
for me to work 6 days a week, every week.
I said I would not do that. Shipyard welding is hard work.
This is when her secret was revealed: she told me with vitriol and rage “I will never work as hard as you. I will never earn as much as you. You have to take care of me that way and you need to get used to that NOW!”
It was there that I realized I didn’t have a wife who wanted a 50/50 partnership with me. She wanted me to spend my lifetime providing her with a lifestyle she herself wasn’t willing to work for.
10 years building up the that moment. 7 years of marriage shattered with that secret heart of hers.
I filed for divorce three months later and never looked back. .
We shared our car which wasn’t a big deal since our shifts never crossed and if she ever needed the car that day she would bring to work in the morning at 5am and head back to do her day.
A few years go by and she expresses interest in going back to school. Awesome!! She’d had some public school trauma so we spent a lot of time talking it over and she decided to start with one community college art class. Low stakes, creative, aligned with her interests.
She loved it! Wonderful. She loved it so much she wanted to start full time classes. We pulled out our finances and looked things over. I could pick up overtime easily, so I’d start picking up an extra shift a couple times a month, she’d drop down to one shift at sushi.
This makes things tight, but she’s really starting to blossom. Then the next quarter rolled around and she decided she needed a car of her own in order to take the classes she wanted- sharing a car had its limits. We take the finances out again and the only way to make that happen was her earning $300 more a month to cover the new car note
or
for me to work 6 days a week, every week.
I said I would not do that. Shipyard welding is hard work.
This is when her secret was revealed: she told me with vitriol and rage “I will never work as hard as you. I will never earn as much as you. You have to take care of me that way and you need to get used to that NOW!”
It was there that I realized I didn’t have a wife who wanted a 50/50 partnership with me. She wanted me to spend my lifetime providing her with a lifestyle she herself wasn’t willing to work for.
10 years building up the that moment. 7 years of marriage shattered with that secret heart of hers.
I filed for divorce three months later and never looked back. .
152points
#2
His d**g dealer called to let me know my husband had a 3K per week habit, and he owed money. Just calling to let me know they know which school bus my kid rides.
152points
#3
The guy she was cheating on me with found out about me. He found me at a bar told me about it, bought me a drink, and I immediately got on the phone and broke up with her.
I'm not going to go into super deep detail, but it was nice to have an honorable dude give me the warning instead of weeks of suspicion. I was about to get an apartment with her, and I dodged a bullet.
I'm not going to go into super deep detail, but it was nice to have an honorable dude give me the warning instead of weeks of suspicion. I was about to get an apartment with her, and I dodged a bullet.
138points
“Secrets almost never stay secret,” redditor ‘Select_Example_794’ told Bored Panda in a recent interview. “I don’t mind someone telling a white lie occasionally if it’s for a good reason, like ‘Yes, you look good in those jeans’, but if it’s something beyond that, it’s never ok.”
#4
That he was fantasizing about places/ways my body would never be found. He said it out loud once - and that was it. We have kids together so I have to still see him but thankfully my now husband makes sure we're never alone together.
113points
#5
I found text messages with his sister where she was giving him advice on how to freeze or microwave my birth control without damaging the packaging.
Boy, bye.
Boy, bye.
103points
Unfortunately, many people find themselves in a situation where they learn something upsetting about their partner’s life. While this list alone can be enough to prove that, statistics second the fact, too: a survey of over 2,000 married Brits found that one-in-five of them keep a secret from their spouse. In addition to that, roughly a quarter of them believe that their secret could end their marriage.
#6
Turns out she was essentially collecting boyfriends like they were limited edition trading cards. I was apparently the 'Summer Edition.' Came to light when I bumped into 'Mr. Spring' at a coffee shop who was just as clueless as I was. We grabbed a drink to discuss our shared season of dismay, ended up becoming friends instead. Sort of a bittersweet bonus prize.
101points
#7
I bragged to a friend in front of my girlfriend that my girlfriend and I had only fought once in our two years of dating. My girlfriend said the reason we never fought was because she didn't care enough about me to fight about anything.
She also was cheating on me, but I didn't learn that one until after the relationship ended.
She also was cheating on me, but I didn't learn that one until after the relationship ended.
100points
#8
The first girlfriend I had, she wanted us to run each other's credit to make sure we were financially compatible. I said "sure." So she signed up for her credit report, I signed up for mine. She gave me a copy of her experian report - a pdf copy, and it looked good, so it ticked off the box of "fiscally responsible."
A few weeks later, I overheard her talking to two different collection agencies and I wondered why she would be, if her credit score was over 780. I confronted her about it, and she told me she doctored the credit report, because she liked me, and she had horrible credit. I told her I would have stayed with her if she was making an effort to clean up her financial past, but I couldn't overlook the lying.
A few weeks later, I overheard her talking to two different collection agencies and I wondered why she would be, if her credit score was over 780. I confronted her about it, and she told me she doctored the credit report, because she liked me, and she had horrible credit. I told her I would have stayed with her if she was making an effort to clean up her financial past, but I couldn't overlook the lying.
96points
The OP shared having found themselves in such a situation, too. They told Bored Panda that the secret they learned was that their significant other was using drugs behind their back and was doing pretty horrifying things to get them. “That ended as soon as I found that out,” they said.
#9
I found videos he made at the beach of him zooming in on a prepubescent girl, like hours of video.
93points
#10
My ex-husband was having his 4th affair (that I know of) and told my then-13-year-old-daughter. He told her if she told me or anyone else he'd never speak to her again. After suffering in silence for 2 weeks, she finally told me after a trip to the ER to cure her migraine that was brought on by stress.
91points
#11
Saw a message preview on her lockscreen of a dude heart reacting to a message from her saying
"at least you know whenever I'm with him I'm thinking of you".
We had just come back from a holiday for our anniversary and moved in together...
"at least you know whenever I'm with him I'm thinking of you".
We had just come back from a holiday for our anniversary and moved in together...
85points
The redditor admitted being surprised about how many people have learned horrible secrets about their loved ones. “The most surprising thing was how many people stayed in obviously toxic relationships for years till they finally left,” they shared, adding that they wish more people realized that they don’t have to settle.
“You deserve what you want. Do what makes you happy. Don’t stay in relationships where you’re not happy just because you think it’ll ‘get better’. It rarely does. Actions truly speak louder than words.”
#12
Her dad never really died.
To be fair it was a garbage relationship and she was pretty abusive and would constantly lie and gaslight me. It’s weird I knew all this but would just brush it aside and make excuses. This one was the final lie that made me realize I needed to run.
Early in our relationship she told me her dad was quite sick, I supported her through it but it seemed he was getting worse and worse. She said he had brain cancer. After a couple months he passed away. Having never lost a parent I was horrified for her and did everything to be there for her. After the funeral (which she refused to let me go to) she came back to my place in full funeral gear with a veil and gloves and mascara running down her eyes. I comforted her while she talked about the shock of burying her dad. Over the next few months we grew very close as I helped her work through the grief.
A year and a bit later the relationship is horrendously toxic, she’s cheated on me, hit me, gaslit me and isolated me from my family. I was living in a trance where I kind of just accepted this as my reality cause every time we’d have a “break” she would plead her case and I’d take her back. I was sitting in a random uni lecture when I see I got a Facebook message request, I click on it and my heart drops as I see it’s from her dad, He’s messaged me “what are you doing with my daughter”. I stalk the profile, at first thinking it’s fake, but then realize it’s real. I assume it must be someone’s hacked into her dead dads Facebook, after all he’s dead she went to the funeral. As I start piecing it together I begin to realize maybe he never died.
I leave the class and call her and say “your dad just messaged me on Fb wtf is going on” and she basically admitted he never died she made the whole thing up for whatever b******t reason. I felt the light finally go on and realized I needed to be a million miles away from this girl, there’s no excuse she could make that would in any way justify what she did. I broke up with her for the final time right after.
I’ve recovered now and come to terms with the awfulness of that relationship thankfully. Now whenever im hanging with friends and someone mentions a crazy ex story I can feel all their heads turn to me lol.
To be fair it was a garbage relationship and she was pretty abusive and would constantly lie and gaslight me. It’s weird I knew all this but would just brush it aside and make excuses. This one was the final lie that made me realize I needed to run.
Early in our relationship she told me her dad was quite sick, I supported her through it but it seemed he was getting worse and worse. She said he had brain cancer. After a couple months he passed away. Having never lost a parent I was horrified for her and did everything to be there for her. After the funeral (which she refused to let me go to) she came back to my place in full funeral gear with a veil and gloves and mascara running down her eyes. I comforted her while she talked about the shock of burying her dad. Over the next few months we grew very close as I helped her work through the grief.
A year and a bit later the relationship is horrendously toxic, she’s cheated on me, hit me, gaslit me and isolated me from my family. I was living in a trance where I kind of just accepted this as my reality cause every time we’d have a “break” she would plead her case and I’d take her back. I was sitting in a random uni lecture when I see I got a Facebook message request, I click on it and my heart drops as I see it’s from her dad, He’s messaged me “what are you doing with my daughter”. I stalk the profile, at first thinking it’s fake, but then realize it’s real. I assume it must be someone’s hacked into her dead dads Facebook, after all he’s dead she went to the funeral. As I start piecing it together I begin to realize maybe he never died.
I leave the class and call her and say “your dad just messaged me on Fb wtf is going on” and she basically admitted he never died she made the whole thing up for whatever b******t reason. I felt the light finally go on and realized I needed to be a million miles away from this girl, there’s no excuse she could make that would in any way justify what she did. I broke up with her for the final time right after.
I’ve recovered now and come to terms with the awfulness of that relationship thankfully. Now whenever im hanging with friends and someone mentions a crazy ex story I can feel all their heads turn to me lol.
85points
#13
I found her and her sister texting about birth control. More specifically, the sister was gonna start deliberately sabotaging hers. When I asked about it, I was told it was okay, "she just trying to make sure he stays." I left fast enough, you could see smoke. Wish I knew who the sister's boyfriend, so I could have warned him.
80points
#14
3 months after moving our 3 kids & us to another state, she was cheating & got pregnant. She had the child with that guy, then proceeded to cheat on him to get pregnant again, except with twins. So 6 kids in 7 years with 3 people (that I know of).
78points
#15
He said that he just “settled” for me because he had no other options and i seemed to “match his standards” lol.
77points
#16
He was married with a son. I found a box of his wedding photos and he tried to tell me he, the groom, holding the bride, was just the best man 😆 took the train home immediately. He was also not 21, he was 30. Guy was a b*****d.
76points
#17
Her and I had been high school best friends and dated for a little bit before she broke up with me after we graduated. We remained friends, had conversations to reconcile, and continued to be in contact with each other for over 18 years.
We had a silly pact where we would marry each other if we were over 35 and single. Well we were both single, done with dating, obviously had chemistry and decided to say screw it and go for it slowly. We were all in, I didn’t think anything otherwise and didn’t suspect a thing. She lived about 2 hours away by plane on a direct flight so seeing each other was easy.
Well after a few months she had a manic episode and went missing so I called her parents and they hadn’t heard from her in a week, they were out of town. So they were sending her sister to check on her and calling friends. I called her work at the deli she worked at. The moment I said that this was her boyfriend her boss said “well I’m her boyfriend.” Suffice to say she’d been living a double life. He’d been giving her money for her flights to visit sick family members (me) and see my dying dad (that she said was her uncle to him). I had also helped her a couple times for flights too so she was pocketing the money. Her family and I were in contact during the whole thing so I told them what was happening and she didn’t like that because she got exposed of the fraud she is to her family.
We had a silly pact where we would marry each other if we were over 35 and single. Well we were both single, done with dating, obviously had chemistry and decided to say screw it and go for it slowly. We were all in, I didn’t think anything otherwise and didn’t suspect a thing. She lived about 2 hours away by plane on a direct flight so seeing each other was easy.
Well after a few months she had a manic episode and went missing so I called her parents and they hadn’t heard from her in a week, they were out of town. So they were sending her sister to check on her and calling friends. I called her work at the deli she worked at. The moment I said that this was her boyfriend her boss said “well I’m her boyfriend.” Suffice to say she’d been living a double life. He’d been giving her money for her flights to visit sick family members (me) and see my dying dad (that she said was her uncle to him). I had also helped her a couple times for flights too so she was pocketing the money. Her family and I were in contact during the whole thing so I told them what was happening and she didn’t like that because she got exposed of the fraud she is to her family.
73points
#18
He could not promise 100% that we would not see [an escort] in the future in the course of a long relationship. He said: I try to be loyal, but there is no 100% guarantee. I might go to the brothel in the course of a long relationship, even though I don’t want to. I am just human and can make mistakes
71points
#19
The coworker he was worried I was attracted to, I was. The difference is I never talked to him outside of work related things and shut him down immediately when he showed interest in me. A girl coworker gave my ex 1 oz of attention and he cheated and left me for her almost immediately. Later regretted it and said the grass isn’t always greener, now he’s with her because I wouldn’t move back with him and he didn’t want to be lonely.
Glad I stayed on my side of the lawn, I would never want to be the one responsible for how awful another person feels because I couldn’t stay faithful at work. A partner should never have to feel insecure about you going to your job.
Glad I stayed on my side of the lawn, I would never want to be the one responsible for how awful another person feels because I couldn’t stay faithful at work. A partner should never have to feel insecure about you going to your job.
70points
#20
I wanted to surprise her by picking her up from work and taking her out. Imagine how surprised I was when she ran out of work and jumped in the car of my best friend.
66points