Have you ever noticed something strange in your home that you just couldn’t get to the bottom of? Perhaps a bizarre smell started appearing in the kitchen, and you couldn’t pinpoint the cause. Or all of your plants began to wilt despite receiving just as much water as they've always gotten.
One woman recently reached out to Reddit for advice after noticing mysterious green spots appearing around her home. And with the help of readers, she was finally able to figure out where the stains were coming from. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as a conversation with advanced Imago couples therapist, Shan Merchant.
Trying to solve a problem can be infuriating when you can't even determine the cause
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After noticing mysterious green stains appearing all over her home, this woman finally reached out to the internet for advice
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Readers pointed out that the puzzling stains might be coming from someone's clothes
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Later, the woman shared an update that confirmed readers' suspicions
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"Infidelity can come to light in ways that no one expects"
We contacted an advanced Imago couples therapist, Shan Merchant, to learn more about this situation. Shan was kind enough to chat with Bored Panda and share some of the unexpected ways people have found out that they’re being cheated on.
“Infidelity can come to light in ways that no one expects,” the expert says. She noted that she’s heard of people finding out this life-altering information through an anonymous letter, an accidental pocket dial, unexpected health issues like testing positive for an STI, financial transactions, and even through anonymous posts online.
So what are some behaviors that can give away the fact that someone’s having an affair? “Unusual tech habits,” Shan says.
“Partners who were once careless with their phones might suddenly guard them like state secrets—turning off notifications, changing passwords, or even taking their phone into the bathroom,” the relationship expert noted. “Sometimes, new habits like obsessively using incognito mode or clearing browser histories can also be red flags.”
A cheating spouse might also change how they see their partner.
“A partner engaged in an affair might start projecting their guilt onto you,” Shan explained. “Suddenly, the things they used to love or accept about you—your quirky laugh, your messy hair, the way you hum while you cook—become annoying or ‘problems’ they’ve never mentioned.”
“These ‘new problems’ often aren’t about you at all; they’re a reflection of their internal conflict or the way the affair is reshaping their perspective,” the expert continued.
Overinvestment in personal growth can sometimes be a red flag as well. “When partners begin hyper-focusing on self-improvement—such as hitting the gym obsessively, drastically upgrading their appearance, or adopting new hobbies, it can indicate they are seeking validation or preparing for someone else’s attention,” Shan warns.
You might also notice a change in sexual energy if your partner is cheating. “Some partners experience a sudden surge in sexual enthusiasm—possibly inspired by their lover—while others withdraw completely, finding it hard to fake attraction,” Shan shared. “Both shifts can be equally telling.”
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"If there’s a lack of accountability, ongoing dishonesty, or an unwillingness to change, it may be healthier for both people to part ways"
And of course, unfamiliar scents can be a dead giveaway. “Perfume, aftershave, or even a new type of laundry detergent changing your partner’s smell can spark questions,” Shan pointed out. “One client of mine once confronted her husband because his shirt smelled like perfume she didn’t wear.”
So is it possible for a couple to move past infidelity and find their way back to a healthy relationship?
“Cheating is devastating, but it doesn’t have to spell the end of a relationship,” Shan told Bored Panda. “Instead, it can serve as a ‘can opener’ to talk honestly about the things that have been left unsaid—unspoken needs, buried resentments, and unmet desires.”
“While it’s painful, this raw honesty can become the foundation for a stronger, more authentic connection, if both partners are willing to face it together,” the relationship expert says. “My practice is full of couples successfully working through affairs who are doing exactly this.”
However, not every relationship can or should survive infidelity, Shan noted. “If there’s a lack of accountability, ongoing dishonesty, or an unwillingness to change, it may be healthier for both people to part ways. Most couples who come to me want to stay together, and are willing to do what it takes to get there.”
And if someone suspects that their partner is cheating, how should they address it?
“If you suspect your partner is cheating, you’re likely feeling a mix of fear, panic or uncertainty,” Shan says. “Here’s the thing: waiting for ‘solid proof’ often isn’t the best strategy. Suspicion itself can corrode a relationship—it creates an atmosphere of secrecy and distrust that’s just as damaging as the truth you’re afraid of uncovering,” she explained.
“Here’s how to navigate this delicate situation with honesty and clarity: Listen to your instincts, but don’t assume you are right,” Shan says. “Your intuition is important, but it’s not always accurate.”
“Instead of obsessing over suspicious moments or trying to ‘catch’ your partner, ask yourself: What is making me feel this way? Is it a lack of connection? Unusual behavior? emotional distance? Use your feelings as a starting point, not as evidence,” the expert recommends.
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"A rupture, real or perceived, is always an invitation to create a more intentional, fulfilling relationship"
Shan also suggests looking for patterns rather than focusing on a one-time incident.
“If your partner came home late once or forgot to mention a meeting, that doesn’t mean they’re cheating,” she noted. “But if you’re noticing a pattern—like secrecy with their phone, sudden changes in behavior, or emotional withdrawal—it’s worth digging into. The key is to focus on the overall relationship dynamic, not just suspicious moments.”
If you’re going to address this behavior, Shan says to have the conversation early and directly.
“Cheating isn’t always about the intimate moments—it’s about desire, disconnection, and unmet needs. If you’re feeling uneasy, it’s likely because there’s already a distance between you and your partner,” she explained. “Instead of hunting for proof, ask directly: ‘I’ve noticed we’ve been distant lately, and some of your behavior has made me wonder if something is going on. Can we talk about it?’ This approach creates space for honesty without turning the conversation into an interrogation.”
And if you do suspect there might be an affair, be prepared for what comes next. “This conversation may confirm your fears—or it may not. Either way, the real work begins with what happens next,” Shan says.
“If trust has been broken, both partners must decide whether they’re willing to commit to the difficult process of rebuilding—not just repairing the surface but addressing the deeper issues that created the breach,” she continued. “And if your suspicions turn out to be unfounded, this isn’t the time to dismiss your concerns as invalid.”
“Instead, use this moment to explore why the emotional distance exists and how you can strengthen your connection moving forward,” the expert says. “A rupture, real or perceived, is always an invitation to create a more intentional, fulfilling relationship.”
Finally, Shan added that the deeper question isn’t simply, “Are they cheating?” but rather, “What’s happening to us?”
“Infidelity, or even the suspicion of it, is often a symptom of something deeper—a longing, an unspoken need, or a rupture in the connection,” the relationship expert shared. “Whether your fears are confirmed or not, this is an opportunity to lean into the vulnerabilities in your relationship. Use this moment to examine where you stand as a couple and, together, decide what kind of relationship you want to build moving forward.”
Readers left many supportive comments, and the author noted that she was relieved to finally get to the bottom of the mess
