We all lie. But there’s a difference between telling the waiter the food was good when, in reality, it was just average, and going out of your way to hide your gambling from your family.
When it comes to your partner — the person who is supposed to be your closest ally — you’d hope they’d choose honesty, even if it’s uncomfortable. But that’s not the case in every relationship.
Recently, Reddit user Fortnacius asked women on the platform to share the biggest lies their husbands and boyfriends had told them, and the stories they received prove that you can never fully trust words alone — only actions that back them up.
#1
For the three years we were together he created a bunch of fake online accounts, pretending to be several of my exes. Each one of them “reached out to me” trying to hook up or whatever, which I told him about every time. He harassed me every time it happened, as if I was guilty of something. Didn’t find out it was him all along until after we broke up. This demon was mid 40s and the father of four children. I was going through some horrific medical issues and was barely hanging on every day. It was all sadistic entertainment for him.
Swimming-Alfalfa-603:
This is absolutely vile. I wish you healing and peace
OP:
Thank you. A great story came out of it though. I was extremely close to his four kids, having none of my own. I ended up going around him and befriending their mother (his ex wife) and continued my relationship with them. He was livid about it, but screw him we didn’t care. All of them are still in my life 14 years later, but no longer have a relationship with their dad. They even came to my wedding three years ago
Swimming-Alfalfa-603:
This is absolutely vile. I wish you healing and peace
OP:
Thank you. A great story came out of it though. I was extremely close to his four kids, having none of my own. I ended up going around him and befriending their mother (his ex wife) and continued my relationship with them. He was livid about it, but screw him we didn’t care. All of them are still in my life 14 years later, but no longer have a relationship with their dad. They even came to my wedding three years ago
31points
#2
Called to say he would be late as he was at his BFs, when I asked how long he had been there he said a few hours, he said his BF was in a bad way following a break up. which was really funny as his BF and his girlfriend were at our house! BF means best friend.
28points
Psychologist Bella M. DePaulo has conducted influential research on how often people lie and who they lie to. Much of her work comes from diary studies in which participants recorded every social interaction and any lies they told over a period of time.
In these studies, participants reported lying less often in close relationships than in casual interactions overall. For example, community members and students reported lying in fewer than 1 out of 5 and 1 out of 3 social interactions, respectively.
However, when it comes to more serious lies about important personal matters, such as affairs, the pattern reverses. According to DePaulo’s findings, 53 % of serious lies among community participants were told to close partners, and the proportion rose to 72.7 % among student volunteers.
This data suggests that we’re more willing to bend the truth if our relationships are at stake.
#3
I caught my ex trying to hook up with men on Craigslist.
He told me he wasn’t going to hook up with them, that he was “finding gay men to rob”.
I just… what.
He told me he wasn’t going to hook up with them, that he was “finding gay men to rob”.
I just… what.
21points
#4
Several from my ex husband, but this one takes the cake:
He brought his 'childhood friend' to my home and life, introduced her as a friend.
I hosted her several times. She played with my kids, even borrowed my dress. He invited her to extended family events like weddings and funerals.
His family knew her, as they had all grown up together in the same neighborhood.
Unbeknownst to me, he was sleeping with her for years and paying for her rent and unending college expenses.
No one in his family said anything to me (they knew). I had to play detective myself to catch him.
So generally, as I date, I'm wary of men having female friends hovering around.
Edit to add (for those asking):
Deep down, something was off. I could sense it, but his lies were staggering.
I caught a thankfully curable STD once, he convinced me I must have sat on a public toilet. He had a PHD in organic chemistry, and led me into the rabbit hole of false diagnosis in the medical field. He started pulling data after data, because that's his career in big pharma.
I was dumb and stupid, but he was a brilliant liar.
Accurate_Athlete_182:
Whew, that is some serious betrayal. And his whole family were in on it! How did you deal with it?
OP:
It was devastating. I divorced him, of course (he fought hard to stay married and frustrated the legal process at every stage). It's been 4 years post divorce.
The 2 kids are adults in college (that he pays for). I'm living my best life at 43, not worried about STDs. I sleep soundly at night.
He brought his 'childhood friend' to my home and life, introduced her as a friend.
I hosted her several times. She played with my kids, even borrowed my dress. He invited her to extended family events like weddings and funerals.
His family knew her, as they had all grown up together in the same neighborhood.
Unbeknownst to me, he was sleeping with her for years and paying for her rent and unending college expenses.
No one in his family said anything to me (they knew). I had to play detective myself to catch him.
So generally, as I date, I'm wary of men having female friends hovering around.
Edit to add (for those asking):
Deep down, something was off. I could sense it, but his lies were staggering.
I caught a thankfully curable STD once, he convinced me I must have sat on a public toilet. He had a PHD in organic chemistry, and led me into the rabbit hole of false diagnosis in the medical field. He started pulling data after data, because that's his career in big pharma.
I was dumb and stupid, but he was a brilliant liar.
Accurate_Athlete_182:
Whew, that is some serious betrayal. And his whole family were in on it! How did you deal with it?
OP:
It was devastating. I divorced him, of course (he fought hard to stay married and frustrated the legal process at every stage). It's been 4 years post divorce.
The 2 kids are adults in college (that he pays for). I'm living my best life at 43, not worried about STDs. I sleep soundly at night.
19points
#5
That he didn’t eat my half of the pie.
But he did and then went out and got another pie, ate half of that one too and left the rest for me to make it look like nothing happened when I got home 😂😂😂😂😂.
But he did and then went out and got another pie, ate half of that one too and left the rest for me to make it look like nothing happened when I got home 😂😂😂😂😂.
18points
Oftentimes, dishonesty starts early in a relationship. A survey of 2,000 Americans found that many will bend the truth in the beginning, especially about money.
The survey revealed that common things people try to hide are being cheap (46 %), struggling to hold a steady job (40 %), or having a bad credit score (37 %).
Which makes sense only to a certain point, since the study also found that the biggest turnoffs in a potential partner are bad manners (56 %), a messy living space (53 %), and credit card debt (50 %).
Reflecting on their bedroom habits, a fifth of respondents admitted feeling embarrassed about the number of past partners.
While we may rationalize our insecurities, they do keep us from building a genuine connection with the people we’re interested in.
#6
Ex-husband. It was a really, really, stupid lie. We were still dating and he said he could make me a cat tree for my cat, that he’d made the cat trees that his cats had. I was excited, I couldn’t really afford one on my own, and I liked the idea of having one that someone had made. I asked him about his, how he’d made them, what kinds of parts and tools were needed. He explained each step.
We went to Home Depot and selected what he needed. He said he’d build it and have it for me when I next saw him.
The big day arrived, and the cat tree he’d built was… sad. It just looked bad, nothing like what he’d described. But I wasn’t going to complain about something I’d gotten for free. As long as it was functional, right? At home, I realized that there were nails poking out that could have hurt my cat. I put it outside.
Asked what’s his face about it, describing the hazardous parts. He was apologetic. I observed that the one he’d built for his cats didn’t have anything that would hurt them when used for its intended purpose. He said he’d fix it. (Which didn’t happen)
Months later, we were moving in together. I carried one of his cat trees upstairs, and I noticed that there was a price tag with a store name on it. I checked the other cat tree, same store name. I asked about it and he continued to insist that he had built them for his cats.
Like, dude…I don’t care if you built them or bought them. But it’s really stupid to lie about something so inconsequential. Why would you do that? And the lies about it came out so easily and convincingly.
He lied about other stuff, too. His finances. His debt. The reason he took out a large life insurance policy on me, when I was unemployed at the time and we had no kids.
But the cat tree— I consider that to be the symbol of all his lies, because it was so pointless.
StitchNScratch:
People who easily and casually lie about small things are an immediate red flag for me. If a person lies when there’s no benefit or any kind of consequence on the line, they can’t be trusted when consequences exist. I’ve been trying to teach my daughter who loves telling stories about being honest in small moments so I can trust her in the big ones.
We went to Home Depot and selected what he needed. He said he’d build it and have it for me when I next saw him.
The big day arrived, and the cat tree he’d built was… sad. It just looked bad, nothing like what he’d described. But I wasn’t going to complain about something I’d gotten for free. As long as it was functional, right? At home, I realized that there were nails poking out that could have hurt my cat. I put it outside.
Asked what’s his face about it, describing the hazardous parts. He was apologetic. I observed that the one he’d built for his cats didn’t have anything that would hurt them when used for its intended purpose. He said he’d fix it. (Which didn’t happen)
Months later, we were moving in together. I carried one of his cat trees upstairs, and I noticed that there was a price tag with a store name on it. I checked the other cat tree, same store name. I asked about it and he continued to insist that he had built them for his cats.
Like, dude…I don’t care if you built them or bought them. But it’s really stupid to lie about something so inconsequential. Why would you do that? And the lies about it came out so easily and convincingly.
He lied about other stuff, too. His finances. His debt. The reason he took out a large life insurance policy on me, when I was unemployed at the time and we had no kids.
But the cat tree— I consider that to be the symbol of all his lies, because it was so pointless.
StitchNScratch:
People who easily and casually lie about small things are an immediate red flag for me. If a person lies when there’s no benefit or any kind of consequence on the line, they can’t be trusted when consequences exist. I’ve been trying to teach my daughter who loves telling stories about being honest in small moments so I can trust her in the big ones.
13points
#7
He told me he definitely wasn't gay or bi, just feminine because he had been raised by women and had no male role models.
He slept with men throughout our whole relationship, including a few of my really good male friends.
Nosfermarki:
A FEW friends?? Not one or two, but A FEW???
OP:
A solid 5 that I found out about
BizMarkieDeSade:
Sounds like they weren’t actually good friends. So sorry that happened to you. I hope they all get their proper karma.
He slept with men throughout our whole relationship, including a few of my really good male friends.
Nosfermarki:
A FEW friends?? Not one or two, but A FEW???
OP:
A solid 5 that I found out about
BizMarkieDeSade:
Sounds like they weren’t actually good friends. So sorry that happened to you. I hope they all get their proper karma.
12points
#8
When he finally told me about his criminal record he made it sound like he was some valiant knight in shining armor. He described a night he went out, saw a guy drunkenly beating on his girlfriend, so he stepped in and beat the guy within an inch of his life.
What I found out much later - it was a road rage incident, he beat the guy with a metal pipe. He also had a prior record for blackmail and extortion. I got to find that out firsthand when he tried to blackmail me during our divorce.
BlackMagicWorman:
Same thing - lied about his criminal record. I had to find out the truth years later. Very different story.
NellR1:
My ex made up a similar lie about a bar fight and I later found out he beat his gf on a camping trip.
What I found out much later - it was a road rage incident, he beat the guy with a metal pipe. He also had a prior record for blackmail and extortion. I got to find that out firsthand when he tried to blackmail me during our divorce.
BlackMagicWorman:
Same thing - lied about his criminal record. I had to find out the truth years later. Very different story.
NellR1:
My ex made up a similar lie about a bar fight and I later found out he beat his gf on a camping trip.
11points
#9
That my cat ran away while I was out of town for a week on a family vacation. He was supposed to be cat/apartment sitting for me. The first day of my trip he tells me my cat ran out the back door and he couldn't find her. I was heartbroken the entire trip.
Get home and my cat is in the apartment. He was "just messing with me." It's not the worst lie he ever told me but it's the first one that really started making it obvious he found joy in hurting me.
Get home and my cat is in the apartment. He was "just messing with me." It's not the worst lie he ever told me but it's the first one that really started making it obvious he found joy in hurting me.
11points
#10
Acting shocked when I found out we owed 3 months of rent. When he had been pocketing it for sports betting the entire time. He finally caved the next day.
I SWIFTLY became single.
1200____1200:
Sports betting is going to cause an absolute wave of financial and social harm
InternetExpertroll:
I lived in Las Vegas for 2 years. The worst horror stories were from sports betting. Even the lady who cut my hair has a client who talked about putting his life savings on some boxing match. He lost. She never saw him again.
I SWIFTLY became single.
1200____1200:
Sports betting is going to cause an absolute wave of financial and social harm
InternetExpertroll:
I lived in Las Vegas for 2 years. The worst horror stories were from sports betting. Even the lady who cut my hair has a client who talked about putting his life savings on some boxing match. He lost. She never saw him again.
10points
#11
I have plenty I didnt think he was capable of but the most mind blowing one was when I got him a very good job with the company I work for. Its manual labor, and hes a weakling so I didnt think much of him working late since you cant leave until the job is finished. When it took him longer to finish two jobs than it took me to finish 5, I grew suspicious. I asked him how he takes so long and he immediately caved. Said he had been going to the casino after work, and got in deep. So deep he embezzled money from the association we run. I also give him an allowance so to speak, to level the spending money out. He pays the bills, and does whatever he wants with whats left over. He wasnt paying the bills either. For months he was living in this private bubble of crumbling our lives to the ground.
wearentalldudes:
After I found out my ex was gambling all of our money away (and blaming ME for being irresponsible with money 🤬), I told him to go to gambler’s anonymous meetings or I was leaving.
He came home two days later saying he won $1200 on a lottery ticket. He didn’t think I’d be mad, because he won. I asked him how much money he spent before he won it and he was silent. I said flush it, we’re done.
He absolutely ruined my trust in men. I left him 12 years ago. I’m 42 and still live alone because no way am I letting someone do that to me again.
wearentalldudes:
After I found out my ex was gambling all of our money away (and blaming ME for being irresponsible with money 🤬), I told him to go to gambler’s anonymous meetings or I was leaving.
He came home two days later saying he won $1200 on a lottery ticket. He didn’t think I’d be mad, because he won. I asked him how much money he spent before he won it and he was silent. I said flush it, we’re done.
He absolutely ruined my trust in men. I left him 12 years ago. I’m 42 and still live alone because no way am I letting someone do that to me again.
10points
#12
He told me his disappearing interest in me was because I had "let myself go." What he didn't say is that he was sleeping with his dad's nurse and didn't want to "cheat" on her. She did not know he was married at first, so he lost both of us.
10points
#13
He cheated the day before and would ask me why I was dwelling on the “past.”.
idkifita:
Omg I hate this. I was told "it's in the past" about something that happened two hours ago
idkifita:
Omg I hate this. I was told "it's in the past" about something that happened two hours ago
9points
#14
This sort of works here. I have an ex who was adamant that he would NEVER lie to me, he hated liars etc. So one day I asked him what he’s doing, how his day was, all that normal jazz and in the most joking tone he tells me that he met a girl who offered to make him dinner so he went to her house and had dinner with her. I laugh it off, he laughs too, we continue on with our conversation. Weeks later, I find out that he wasn’t joking at all and had actually met a girl on a dating app and went to dinner at her house and had seen her several times since then. He justified it by saying, “I never lied, you knew about it!!!”.
ClaritanClear:
This is like when my ex would leave his house (we were teenagers) and his mom would ask where he was going and he’d say “out drinking” and she’d roll her eyes but… that’s exactly what he was doing.
ClaritanClear:
This is like when my ex would leave his house (we were teenagers) and his mom would ask where he was going and he’d say “out drinking” and she’d roll her eyes but… that’s exactly what he was doing.
8points
#15
I had a boyfriend in high school wnd when I tried breaking up with him, he told me that he had stage 3 cancer with only a few months left to live so he wanted to spend those last few months with me.. I’m only 14 at the time so I believed it and stayed.. well he cheated on me and left for that girl.. he’s still alive to this day.
Azrai113:
Huh. Maybe I dated him 20 years later lol. I had a boyfriend recently (im an old) that told me he was at The Other Woman's house because he'd been diagnosed with rectal cancer and was too sad to tell me. So he....went to her? Claimed the doctor said he had about 4 years left. Later, i found out one of his friends genuinely was diagnosed with that exact cancer, same prognosis. He couldn't even make up his own lie for cheating!
I hope you've found better men to date or are content with yourself alone.
Azrai113:
Huh. Maybe I dated him 20 years later lol. I had a boyfriend recently (im an old) that told me he was at The Other Woman's house because he'd been diagnosed with rectal cancer and was too sad to tell me. So he....went to her? Claimed the doctor said he had about 4 years left. Later, i found out one of his friends genuinely was diagnosed with that exact cancer, same prognosis. He couldn't even make up his own lie for cheating!
I hope you've found better men to date or are content with yourself alone.
8points
#16
He lied about having another woman over to our house in the middle of the night while I was in the hospital, whole time I could see them on the dog camera :)
8points
#17
A thick envelope was delivered while my boyfriend was at work, sent from a woman with the same last name as his ex gf who he was still “friends” with. I opened it to find a stack of photos taken from a tropical vacation taken while he was on a “business trip”.
This jerk tried to tell me that the photos were years old from the distant past. The photos showed him wearing a shirt I gifted him and prescription sunglasses he stole from me to wear on the trip.
This jerk tried to tell me that the photos were years old from the distant past. The photos showed him wearing a shirt I gifted him and prescription sunglasses he stole from me to wear on the trip.
8points
#18
My ex-husband claimed to have gotten a new job at a bank after having been fired from his job at a payday loan/check cashing business. I was about 8 months pregnant and so relieved. He was dressing in business clothes every day, was late to my grandmother's funeral and showed up at the very end "because he had just gotten out of work," etcetera. He told me he was going to have a big paycheck in 2 weeks, so I was excited. Then he started having to work nights, and he wore casual clothes. I was like, "What the hell?" and he said they were moving offices and had to shove furniture around. There's no way in hell Wells Fargo was going to make their own bankers move furniture, but I was 20 years old and stressed and dumb about the discrepancies. I remember I asked him, "If I go into labor, should I just swing by your work (it wasn't far from our house) and run in to the front desk and say, 'I need Michael! I'm going into labor!' on my way to the hospital?" since I figured he'd want to go together. He was like, "No, just call me." One morning, I got a call, and it was him, crying and saying he'd been arrested. "They're saying I robbed a place." "Well, did you?" I asked. He sobbed. "Yeah." I was FURIOUS. Turns out, he was dressing in casual clothes to go case places, and he tried to burglarize his former workplace by taking the nice diaper bag we'd gotten at our baby shower, filling it with rope and tools, and trying to get into the building by sawing a hole in the ceiling, which still set off the alarms. I was so embarrassed bailing him out, 8 months pregnant and feeling like trash. I should have left him there but didn't want to be in labor alone. I still get mad when I think about how he wasn't there for me at my grandma's funeral because he was faking having a job. I never got the diaper bag back, either.
8points
#19
Faked a whole Scottish accent (well) and pretended his family wasn't alive. Lunatic.
Bunsandbeans1213:
My soon-to-be-ex-husband has been faking a Jamaican accent during our co-parenting therapy meetings!
Tactical_Fleshlite:
Family member dated a guy who was Russian. Except he wasn’t. He was using a fake name. He had really lived in Russia and married a Russian at some point, she contacted the ex wife was surprised his lie had been discovered
Bunsandbeans1213:
My soon-to-be-ex-husband has been faking a Jamaican accent during our co-parenting therapy meetings!
Tactical_Fleshlite:
Family member dated a guy who was Russian. Except he wasn’t. He was using a fake name. He had really lived in Russia and married a Russian at some point, she contacted the ex wife was surprised his lie had been discovered
7points
#20
I was never in the habit of checking where he was, but one day I noticed on this Snapchat Map that he wasn't at work but he was at an apartment complex, so I said "I see you 👀". He sent me a photo of a dog that was his boss's that he "went over to let outside". Fair enough. It sure seemed like he spent quite a bit of time there, though.
About 3 weeks later, a woman popped up in his Facebook comments with the same dog in her profile picture... His boss is a 60 year old man with no children and - it turns out - no dog.
About 3 weeks later, a woman popped up in his Facebook comments with the same dog in her profile picture... His boss is a 60 year old man with no children and - it turns out - no dog.
7points