Merging two families into one inevitably comes with its challenges. After all, when you marry someone, you embrace a group of people who care about your spouse too. And while you hope this new tribe will respect you and stand by your side no matter what, that’s not always the case.
Redditor Fickle-Life-9867 knows this from personal experience. The 35-year-old woman recently took her story to the AITA community after having a hard time getting along with her sister-in-law. You see, her oldest son bought her an expensive hammock chair as a birthday present. While the user was hesitant to accept it at first, the young man convinced her: "You never get anything nice. I wanted you to have it." And so she did. For less than a week.
The thrill of the gift quickly faded after her sister-in-law decided to try it out. "I told her to please not sit on it and she said 'Is there a weight limit?' So I told her yes," the user wrote. But this explicit request didn’t stop her from tearing the chair apart. This turned into a nasty conflict where both the user’s husband and his sister accused her of body shaming. The whole ordeal caused quite a stir in the AITA community, so read on for the full story and be sure to weigh in on the situation in the comments.
Recently, this woman shared how she flipped out after her sister-in-law knowingly ruined her cherished hammock chair
Image credits: Amjad rana (not the actual photo)
After being accused of body shaming, the user turned to the AITA subreddit to ask for perspective
Image credits: Halfpoint (not the actual photo)
While arguments with your spouse and their family are never easy, this woman found comfort in sharing her story online. We can only imagine how difficult it was for the user to be blamed for her feelings after witnessing how something important got destroyed in a matter of seconds, all while hearing her in-law laughing it off. Redditors overwhelmingly sided with the woman and determined her actions were completely justified. However, they did not hold back on harsh words for her husband, who sided with his sister.
To learn more about finding a way out of family disputes we inevitably find ourselves in, we reached out to Nicola Williams, a relationship coach and workshop facilitator based in the UK. According to her, it isn’t necessary to take sides in arguments between two people, no matter how close our partner or other family members might be to us.
"Taking sides and adding our own judgments to the mix is only going to create complication and further disharmony," she told Bored Panda. "I think the best a partner can do in a situation like this one is to hear each person involved with compassion for the upset they're experiencing and not make them, or the other, wrong for it."
Being caught between your partner and your family can cause tension and create uncomfortable situations. But the relationship coach pointed out that whenever we listen to our loved ones' stories, it's important that what we hear stays confidential. We need to avoid repeating to our spouse, family, or anyone else for that matter, what we've heard. "This would likely add further complication to the situation, potentially inflame reactions on one or both sides and perhaps even create an argument between you and your spouse and/or your family."
"It's not our job as a partner to fix the situation! It's better to encourage direct communication between them when there's an openness to reconnecting," Williams continued. "If we do try to fix it, we're in danger of stepping deep into the rescuer role in the drama triangle, which is not where we want this to go."
Still, the fact that our spouse would choose to take their family’s side over ours is not doing us any good, but coach Williams suggested looking at the situation from a different perspective. "It can be very detrimental if our partner takes their family's side over ours. It can lead to feelings of betrayal and can erode trust and closeness in the relationship," she said.
"But that doesn't mean it's good for our relationship for them to take sides with us! We might feel like we want our partner to take our side, but this is not real support and they can support us without taking sides," Williams explained. "We're all interconnected, especially in our families, so disharmony affects everyone in the family to some degree. I believe what we all really want deep down is for everyone to be on the same side, to work through our differences with maturity and as much open-heartedness as possible."
When it comes to navigating our bonds with others, coach Williams stressed that the relationship we have with ourselves is the biggest factor determining how well we can connect with others, whether romantically or not. "Doing our own personal work to heal our wounds and be lovingly connected with ourselves hugely serves us and those we share our lives with. Seek support from friends, like-minded others and professionals that can help you to heal all your relationships, which starts with your relationship with you," she concluded.
The story created quite a stir in the community, here's what people had to say
