Depression Almost Killed Me But Is Now The Reason I Follow My Dream

I have been suffering from depression almost my entire life. It started early, I think when I was about 10 years old. Life wasn’t too good to me at that time. Problems at home, problems at school, nowhere to go where I would feel save. Except for my imagination. It was my refuge whenever I couldn’t cope with reality, and drawing was (from a very early age on) a way of venting and processing what was happening around me.

Unfortunately, and despite all hope, my depression would get worse as the years went by. It would take away everything from me, and I was not able to live as everyone else around me. I was not much of an outgoing person. I tried to be, but actually I always felt miserable inside. In the end, anything I attempted in order to fit into society ended in a personal disaster. Through all these years, "functioning normally“ was an unbeatable task. I managed to finish school somehow, but I didn’t know what to do afterwards. I always knew I wanted to paint and draw, but people told me I should have a „proper education“ - so I listened to them and started an apprenticeship I couldn’t finish because the depression kept coming back more often and also heavier, the more stressed I got. Then I went to University, only to realize it wasn’t the right place for me, either. I just couldn’t deal with anything they asked from me, when all I wanted to do was the thing I loved most: to create!

When I was at the lowest point, someone came into my life who changed it completely. They encouraged me to follow this dream I had, the dream of creating my own stationery brand. With illustrations and letterings that I would paint. At first I thought this was simply impossible for ME! Who would buy ANYTHING that I had designed?
But then I realized: If I don’t try, I will never know. I have always tried to fit into this world, I always wanted to be like anybody else, because being different had been a huge obstacle when I was a child. Being „too sensitive“, „too dreamy“, „too quiet“, that was. But why was it bad to be like that? Because most of the people aren’t? Because society told me so? Suddenly I knew I had to get out of this system, out of this prison of mind. I HAD to find out for myself.

I launched my brand ‚Lily Design’ with mixed feelings. Since I had no money to produce anything, a friend started a Crowdfunding for me on Kickstarter. I had little to no hope it would work out, but in the end I got exactly the amount I needed, even from people I didn’t know! I was baffled at first, but then I realized that there are people who really believed in my abilities. There wasn’t much more motivation needed and I immediately started with producing cards and notebooks from designs I had been working on before.

Recently, I was able to find a retailer in my city and last week I opened my Online Shop with my first collection of postcards. I already had a few orders and I couldn’t be any happier that I made this step. It is really hard work, but I love it with all my heart. It really feels like the right thing for me to do in life. In the end, my depression is the reason I am at this point now. Of course, I do not like to have this sickness. I hate it so much at times. On the other hand, I even want to embrace it as a side of me that needs special attention, but should not get too much space. Maybe I will have to cope with it my entire life, maybe not. It is not in my hand, I suppose.

I do, however, know what actually IS in my hand: what I do with my life. Right now, I do what I love, and I want to keep doing it as long as I can.

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If you'd like to, you can see all of my postcards on my website. :)

More info: lily.design