“It Was Enraging And Sad”: Nurses Expose The Worst Dads They’ve Seen In A Delivery Room

I just get mad. Like, occasionally incandescent with anger. And it's not just during delivery. Since COVID, the amount of male partners who whine and complain about having to wear a mask during the prenatal appointments and during delivery just makes my head want to explode. Their partner is growing their child in their body, their organs are slowly being compressed, THEY ARE RISKING THEIR LIVES TO PRODUCE YOUR SPAWN, AND YOU CAN'T EVEN WEAR A TINY SQUARE OF PAPER ON YOUR FACE FOR 15-30 MINUTES BECAUSE IT'S NOT COMFORTABLE?????????

It's stuff like that and other things mentioned that makes me wish that the Huichol tradition of having the birthing person pull on a rope tied to their partner's s*****m during birth was a contemporary and common practice. If nothing else it would at least make sure they were physically present for the birth.

I had a young dad, 14yo, who’d brought his gaming setup to the room and hooked into the tv. He came from a very upright black family and she was latina with a big loving family.

The dad sat in the recliner playing while I tried to do teaching. Finally, I’d had enough of the noise (and disrespect) so I kinda lost it. I unplugged his rig and told him his days of playing games all night and sleeping til noon were over. He was a father now and he needed to listen to what was going on. I’ll admit I was a little harsh but he’d been swinging his d**k all damn day.

Anyway, I look at the families and they look to the grandmas and they look at me and one says Praise Jesus! While the other one is too polite to laugh but her smile gives her away. It was a moment.

I made sure he sat in and reiterated teaching on birth control.

I had a mom on mag and she was so weak and tired. She literally asked to keep her catheter so that she didn't have to get up to use the bedside commode because she was so exhausted. I was trying to teach the dad how to make a bottle and change a diaper, but he looked at me and told me that was his wife's job. Like excuse me? This baby is yours too and she's obviously very sick.

I do postpartum. I just hand them crying babies and tell them what the baby needs. I have gotten a little attitude with many and they usually act a little better after being called out. But who knows what they’ll be like once they get home. You have to be direct and tell them exactly what they should be doing. Correct them if they have the wrong idea about something. Validate those moms.
And ladies- be careful who you let knock you up. There’s some real trash out there.

I got one that takes the cake recently. I work l&d. We had a PPROM at 20wand5d who was laboring. Pt was taking a nap and the FOB left for dinner or whatever. Pt woke up to use the bathroom and delivered her baby on the toilet. FOB nowhere in the hospital and wasn't answering her calls. Placenta was still in situ and pt was hemorrhaging. We give cytotec rectally, and hemabate to help placenta deliver. Hemabate can cause crazy diarrhea. So pt is s******g her brains out, bleeding excessively and painful and also just delivered her dead baby. FOB comes back, she tears into him but then he just sits in the chair and then asks the nurses for a warm blanket and a popsicle. Do you know how hard it is to not want to hit a “support” person?

Noted to add: her premature rupture was most likely due to a gonorrhea infection that she caught from said partner.

Yea… mother-baby nurse here. I fortunately meet more good than bad, I think. Plenty of bad ones, though. I recently met a dad giving everyone the silent treatment because his wife’s emergency c/s made him late for his haircut. I used to get a sense of pleasure waking the particularly useless dads in the middle of the night to do something 😏

One of my midwives once kicked my ex's feet while he was having a nap during my labour and had a go at him for not supporting me.
I love that midwife 😂

I just took care of a 19 y/o postpartum c section mom for the last two nights. She has been up with the baby crying all night so tired and I have not seen her man awake ONCE in the two nights I took care of her. She even asked if one of the nurses could go to the lobby to pick up her door dash because she didn’t want to wake the dad. Absolute loser, made my f*****g blood boil.

Oh I do enjoy judging the c**p out of these people. My favorites include:

1) the first time dad who when I put his daughter in his arms, asked why we didn’t have HBO because Game of Thrones was on

2) the dad who was generous enough to bring in his 55” TV so he could play video games on it all night

3) the dad who grumbled at me when I would go in to help his wife with breastfeeding and I had to turn on the light so I could see what the hell was going on

My brother in law slept through the birth of both of his children, would occasionally wake and complain about noise from the monitors/iv pump and smells. For several reasons he is one of the most despicable people I've ever met. Thank f**k his brother(my SO) is his absolute opposite.

His mother and I constantly tried to wake him, get him to hold his wife's hand, or just leave. Nope, he wanted to snore in the corner. Useless prick.

I work labour and delivery. Sometimes we have dads who are wonderful and so helpful, and come watch while I’m doing baby’s first head to toe assessment because they just wanna be involved… other times… I’ve had a dad leave while the mother of his children was being c-sectioned to “pop out for a smoke.”
One dad in particular kept calling his partner names like “fat cow”… we were close to kicking him out. Don’t forget, the mother and baby are our number one priority. It’s one thing if the support person is scared or ignorant because it’s their first baby, but if they’re making everyone uncomfortable and being downright verbally abusive, you CAN ask the mom if she wants them there, and ask them to leave accordingly.

I have had multiple dads who literally will just Game on their ps5 they brought with them when their wife/gf is crying in pain from labor. One guy was telling his wife to not get an epidural because “she doesn’t need one” , wasn’t even sitting by her or comforting her, he was literally on his phone across the room.

Also had a dad who just napped while his wife lost 2 liters of blood and had to be rushed to the OR for a potential D&C. And when we got back his first question was “can i get another blanket?”
It just is frustrating as f*ck lol, like why even show up if you are gonna do nothing? It like is INFURIATING To me.

During my OB clinicals a dad was on his phone as the baby was crowning. I kept looking back at him and trying to get him engaged. It was enraging and sad.

the WORST is when a call bell goes off so I go in the room and it’s a dad saying “baby pooped”. I go “oh, is this your first baby?” (if it’s their first baby and first diaper change I’ll ofc show them how to do it, or if it’s their first girl). the dads will be like “uhhhh no” and I’ll be like “ok! so do you need any more diapers and wipes?” and they’ll go “uhhhhh there’s some here” then I’ll go “ok great, you can go ahead and change baby then :)” and leave. I’ve also had babies cry when mom is eating, sleeping, or in the bathroom and the dad call bells like you said. I’ll go “well did you try holding him?” and they’re like “uh…no?” then I’ll bring baby to dad and it’s so clear they’ve never held a baby before, which is super sad when their babies are 12+ hours old

Just last Friday I had a 17 year old girl need a crash C Section at 33 weeks, baby got transferred to a different hospital since we don’t have a NICU, mom had to stay back for medical clearance
The dad looked 20/21 and he brought in his own TV and Xbox to play while mom was day 2 of recovery.
Mom was shaking any time we touched her, I had to hold her hand during fundal assessments while dad slept or played with his friends on the Xbox.
Part of me is like, what can I expect from a young dad, after all it’s babies having babies, but at the same time…that’s the mother of your child who nearly died needing to have a crash C section, AND your kid is in the NICU at another hospital.

I did birth doula work for a couple of years and definitely saw all that multiple times. Fathers literally playing video games on the recliner the. entire. time. In the moment it didn't make me mad so much as it made me really f*****g sad for mom.

I've also heard tons gross comments, like "are they going to stitch it tighter?" while mom gets sewn up after a tear. Or there's the dads that refuse to touch the baby before it's been cleaned. It's just... sad.

Work in NICU, had a dad stay overnight in the room with his baby per mom’s request, as to not leave the baby alone. He fell asleep on the couch, which whatever, it was like 0100. Baby randomly went completely apneic, bright lights went on, bagged baby, called for help, NP at bedside, prepped for intubation, portable CXR completed, RT set up the ventilator. There were like 6 staff members in the room at one point. Dad did not even stir, even though he was literally inches away from the chaos. Tried to wake him up, he answered me groggily and fell immediately back to sleep.

When he woke up 4 hours later he asked me what all the tubes, wires and machines were for.

When I sleep well, I don’t say I slept like a baby. I say I slept like a dad.

I once had a 20 yo patient having her first baby, scared sh*tless, being induced at 37 weeks because her baby had a cardiac anomaly. FOB was in the room but was sitting in a recliner in the corner on his phone all night; I showed him how to do counter pressure for her and he did it a couple times but then complained that he was tired so sat back down. So I came in a did it for hours until she decided she wanted the epidural. At one point FOB stepped out of the room without a word to do god knows what, she’s sobbing through her contractions and saying “he should be doing what you’re doing.” Breaks my heart every time I see s**t like this. Some people just should not be parents.

I witnessed 2 births during nursing school, the first one the dad was amazing. He held moms hand, coached and encouraged her the whole time. After baby was born he did everything and encouraged mom to rest and eat. The second birth, dad watched and then took some pictures and was immediately back on the couch on his phone playing a phone game. I went home that day and told my husband we would get divorced if he ever acted like the second dad. I wish I could get paid going around L&D/postpartum being mean to s****y dads and family members🙃

When I was in clinical I had one dad who actually told mom that she was lucky he was there because with his first kid (not with her) he wasn't even at the hospital. He just sat in the recliner watching some true crime show. MD did make small comment about the show choice but beyond that we all just side eyed him and just tried a few times to get him more involved.

Had a different dad who was young (not sure exactly age but id guess 18-20) who was somewhat more involved but as moms pain increased (had epidural but was getting close to crowning) he starting insisting that he was going to take her AMA because we were causing the pain. Luckily her mom showed up soon after and set him straight, told him he could shut up or get out.

On the other hand though, some of my sweetest moments were in L&D getting to watch the involved dads meet their baby. Of course sweet for anyone too but some of the best memories are a few dads who were enraptured immediately. One even was so worried to leave to grab something from the car (post-delivery mind you) that he asked if we were staying in there while he left so that mom/baby wouldn't be alone.