Becoming a parent involves many sacrifices that aren’t always pleasant, but people are usually willing to make them. Unfortunately, some folks who have given up on their dreams for parenthood might feel a twinge of regret, but it’s important that they don’t make it their children's problem.
This is what happened to a teenager whose mother sacrificed a lot after having kids and then tried to control her daughter’s life as a result. The mom didn’t seem to realize how much she was stifling her children until she was called out.
More info: Reddit
When parents try to live out their dreams through their kids, it can end up causing resentment and hurt a lot of feelings
Image credits: lookstudio / Magnific (not the actual photo)
The poster explained that her mother had 3 kids, and since she couldn’t leave them alone, she didn’t use her engineering degree to get a job and remained a stay-at-home mom
Image credits: tsyhun / Magnific (not the actual photo)
The older woman kept using her sacrifices as an excuse to control her 18-year-old daughter, and the teen also felt that her mom was envious of her life choices
Image credits: fromkazanwithlove / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Eventually, the poster got mad and confronted her mom when she was trying to control her graduation party, and told her that she didn’t have the space to live her own life
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The teen also told her mom it was because of her own choices that she was in such a position and that it didn’t justify her trying to control her children’s every move
The poster explained that her mother quit her job when she learned she was having her first child, as she was too scared to put the little one in daycare. She also had two more kids in quick succession, and moved cities, so she didn’t end up using her engineering degree and remained a stay-at-home mom.
Even though it may be normal for parents to make sacrifices for their children, research shows that these decisions can sometimes cause people pain and regret in later years. They might feel like they missed out on fulfilling their dreams, and may then end up trying to live out their youth through their kids.
This is exactly what the poster’s mother was doing, because she controlled her eldest daughter’s every move. She refused to let the teen travel, go out, enroll in a college far away, or even get into a relationship with anyone. This left the 18-year-old feeling stifled, but she couldn’t say anything because her mom always guilt-tripped her about the sacrifices she made.
When parents try to control their children like this, therapists explain that it can breed resentment and end up making the kids doubt themselves. Since they might not be given many chances to figure out their own path, this can impact their self-esteem and also create problems in their relationship with their parents.
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Even though the poster often tried to calmly explain to her mother that she wanted to be independent, all her feelings came blasting out at her graduation party. That’s because the older woman kept trying to dictate every little thing she did during the event and made a big fuss about her not taking enough photographs.
This irked the teen a lot, and she confronted her mother about how she was being too stifling and not allowing anyone to just go with the flow. The poster also explained to her parent that she wanted to be her own person and didn’t want every little decision of hers to be controlled.
When it comes to calling out guilt-tripping parents, experts explain that it’s best to speak your mind when you are feeling calm and composed. They might not respond well to a heated conversation, and things could go off track. In case they still aren’t open to changing their ways, it’s important to then make peace with their behavior and to live your own life the way you want to.
This is what the 18-year-old intended to do, and she made sure that her mother understood that she no longer wanted to be told what to do and how to live. She also confronted her parent with the fact that her own decisions had led her to this point, so she shouldn’t blame her kids for how her life turned out.
Unfortunately, this conversation didn’t go over too well, and the mom threw a huge tantrum. Have you ever been in a situation like this with an overbearing parent? Do share any similar experiences you might have and your thoughts on this story.
Folks sided with the teen and told her that she shouldn’t feel guilty or take up the burden of her mother’s decisions
