Relationships between parents and children are often very tense, even after children have emerged from the adolescence transition, which, according to psychologists, is almost inevitably accompanied by a deterioration in relations with the older generation. However, even after becoming adults, many people still do not want to leave the adolescence transition at all...
If you want one more piece of proof, we have it. For example, this story from the user u/Angry_Grandad, told by him in the AITA Reddit community just a few days ago, which has already managed to collect almost 7K upvotes and over 2.3K comments from folks online. As you can surmise from the author's username, he became a grandad, but it’s definitely too early to congratulate him on this event... However, let’s get closer to the point.
The author of the post is 47 Y.O. and he lives in his house with his adult yet jobless daughter
Image credits: Gareth Williams (not the actual photo)
The author's daughter has a boyfriend, Gary, who has no job either, and he actually shares a roof with the author too
Image credits: u/Angry_Grandad
Recently the author's daughter left for several days and the dad couldn't get in touch neither with her nor with Gary
Image credits: ROMAN ODINTSOV (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Angry_Grandad
Then Gary sent him a picture of a newborn baby, stating that he's a grandad now
Image credits: PhOtoSITIVELY Illuminating (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Angry_Grandad
However, when the couple returned home, the author yelled at them both, berating them for clearly manipulating him
So, the Original Poster (OP) says that he is 47 years old, he and his wife have been divorced for a long time, and in recent years he has been living with his daughter, who is now 20 years old. The girl lost her job over COVID, and since then has been trying to find a new one - well, or pretending to be trying. Now let's explain why we think so.
According to the author of the post, his daughter moved in to live with him about five years ago - largely because she could not get along with her mother’s new husband. Since then, she has lived in her dad’s house, and the OP didn’t really bother her with doing chores or paying for food or accommodation. As a result, as the father himself admits, the girl grew up 'a bit lazy' and, for instance, would not get out of bed for hours.
The one person she could definitely stand up for was Gary, her boyfriend. Lately, Gary actually lived under the same roof with the OP, but all he did, as the author noted, was play his Xbox and eat the homeowner's food. However, the man says that his daughter loves Gary, and that was enough for him to put up with the guy's very existence in his house.
And then, one day, when the author came home from work, he did not find either his daughter or Gary. One day passed, the second, the third... the dad was very worried, he called the couple, and his ex, and the boyfriend’s parents - but the youngsters just did not answer his calls, and the older ones did not know what was going on.
Everything became clear at the end of the third day, when Gary sent the OP a photo of a newborn baby with the caption: “congratulations, grandpa!” The author admits that his daughter has always been a fairly big girl, and in recent months she had visually gained some weight, but he could not even imagine that she was pregnant!
And so, returning home from work once again, the OP found his daughter, Gary, and a newborn grandkid at home, whom the parents had brought in his absence. To a reasonable question why she didn’t tell him earlier, the daughter replied that she was afraid that dad would kick her and her boyfriend out of the house, force them to look for a job and their own place to live, and now she had practically put him with a fait accompli.
To say the original poster was angry would be an understatement. The man demanded that he needed time to come to his senses and make a final decision on what to do. Meanwhile, the daughter complained to her mother about him, and the ex called the OP, saying that he was being heartless. In turn, the newly minted grandpa was outraged by the manipulative actions of his daughter and her boyfriend, so he simply decided to ask for advice on the internet.
Image credits: Crypto Crow (not the actual photo)
“To be honest, yes, the behavior of the girl and her boyfriend towards the father was actually manipulative, because she really made him face the established fact,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment on this case. “Of course, I’m a little surprised that the father couldn’t understand that his daughter was pregnant, but people can be so inattentive, that’s a fact. But now this man has practically no choice - because otherwise he won't look good in others' eyes. And he, of course, understands this as well."
“However, in any case, a new mom needs support, at least at first, so any other decision would be truly heartless in relation to at least the baby, because they are not to blame for anything. And only then, when the baby gets stronger, they have something to decide. But, well, the father's reaction, as he was manipulated behind his back in the most ordinary way, can be completely understandable here," Irina supposes.
Many commenters on the original post say approximately the same thing, considering what happened to be a classic manifestation of manipulation, and calling out the daughter for being immature and selfish. And of course, the new dad also got it. "Gary should have started looking for a job prior to the baby's birth," folks in the comments are pretty sure.
And people in the comments also claim that the new grandad really has nowhere to go in this situation, so they simply wish him good luck in the nearest future. And the man himself, in fact, has already come to terms with this, and is simply glad that he became a grandfather.
At least, the author himself wrote in the comments that he was pleased when, around 5 years ago, his daughter chose his house for future life, and he loves both his daughter and his grandkid. So let's just wish them all luck and health, and maybe let's also add your own points of view about the described situation in the comments below.
Most of the people in the comments sided with the author, claiming that his behavior was pretty understandable and quite reasonable
