Sometimes parenting a teenager can feel like trying to survive a storm, especially if the storm constantly swings between calm and chaotic.
Today's Original Poster (OP) appears to be in the midst of the storm with her 17-year-old daughter. Despite her efforts to reach out to her daughter, nothing seems to work. While they await her daughter's ADHD assessment, she now questions whether her daughter's behavior is due to that or if she's just mean.
There's something uniquely exhausting about facing a problem that you do not understand
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author struggles with her daughter's disrespectful behavior while awaiting an ADHD assessment, and it's starting to get to her
Image credits: Ifeellikescreaming
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Her daughter refuses to attend school, demands money, throws fits when refused, and swears at her
Image credits: Ifeellikescreaming
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The mother now feels like she has to be very careful around her so as not to trigger any negative reactions from her
Image credits: Ifeellikescreaming
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
She also feels like she's at fault for not being able to handle it better and get through to her daughter, who doesn't open up
Image credits: Ifeellikescreaming
At this point, she's also not sure if her daughter's possible ADHD has anything to do with her behavior or if she's just mean
The OP started by explaining that she didn't want to excuse her daughter's possible ADHD as an excuse, but the journey with her daughter had been a constant battle when it came to school. After exhausting every possible option— counselors, meetings, grounding, pleading— she wasn't sure what else to do.
She eventually moved to a new school with smaller classes, which seemed very promising at first, but it was short-lived. Her daughter again refused to go to school, demanding money in exchange for her compliance and throwing fits when she didn't get her way.
The OP went further to explain that her daughter could be incredibly rude— swearing, manipulative, and very disrespectful to the point that the tiniest interactions with her become very emotionally exhausting.
She is now at her wit's end and is unsure of whether her daughter's behavior stems from ADHD or if she just has a nasty attitude. She admitted to walking on eggshells around her and avoiding confrontation to save herself from any emotional exhaustion.
The OP also expressed feeling like a failure as a parent, especially since her daughter’s behavior makes her fear the worst: getting expelled from school or losing any chance at future success.
She admitted that her daughter shows kindness and generosity from time to time, but it’s a bittersweet combination of good and bad that has left the OP confused and desperate for answers.
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Teenage rebellion can sometimes mask mental health issues like anxiety, depression, or even personality disorders like oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) or borderline personality disorder (BPD).
Teenage Mental Health explains that "depression may manifest as irritability or withdrawal, while anxiety can lead to avoidant behaviors" like school refusal. Because they are masked, it can be very difficult for both the teen and their parents to navigate.
Along the same line, the Inattentive ADHD Coalition confirms that undiagnosed ADHD can also have a major impact on mental health as the teen may develop low self-esteem, which can trigger anxiety, depression, and anger issues.
For example, a teen who struggles with internalizing their frustration may appear aggressive to others. In the case of the OP, her daughter's behavior makes it harder for her to cope, which is why she feels the need to walk on eggshells around her daughter.
However, guilt is another feeling the OP struggles with. The Insight Center acknowledges that it is a normal feeling for parents when they believe they aren't doing enough for their children.
They explain that feeling like a failure "can have a negative impact on well-being, mental health, and confidence in parenting style." They further state that this feeling of guilt can make one unable to help their child through big emotions.
Netizens urged the OP not to let ADHD be an excuse for the daughter’s behavior. They also advised a strict approach, including telling her that her daughter would have to move out if her behavior didn't change.
On the other hand, some commenters provided other perspectives, suggesting that her daughter may be struggling with autism, PMDD, or another condition rather than solely ADHD.
It is understandable as to why the OP feels like she has to be careful around her daughter. What would you do in a situation like this? Please let us hear your thoughts!
Some netizens believe there are other mental health issues at play, while others think she's just disrespectful
