Dating someone new usually comes with a little awkwardness. You don’t know each other that well yet, and it can take a while to really relax around one another. But if you can stick out those early bumps, there could be something great on the other side.
One Redditor thought things were going pretty well with the woman he was seeing, until her odd habit started throwing him off. He couldn’t tell if it was a red flag or just nerves getting the better of her, so he asked the internet for advice. Read the full story below.
The man thought things were going really well with the woman he’d started dating
But then her bizarre quirk started throwing him off and making him question what was really going on
When you’ve only just started seeing someone, even a normal conversation can feel way more stressful than it usually would
The early stages of a relationship can be incredibly exciting. Every second feels full of possibility, and every date gives you something new to learn about the other person.
One minute, you’re finding out they always take their coffee with two pumps of sugar-free vanilla. The next, they’re telling you their biggest fear. Even the smallest, most mundane details about their life suddenly seem fascinating.
But as fun as it is, all that anticipation can come with a surprising amount of pressure. Whether you can picture things becoming serious or you’re just enjoying a fun fling, you still want them to like you. And once you care about making a good impression, it’s very easy to second-guess everything you do.
Suddenly, the jacket you’ve worn a thousand times looks completely wrong five minutes before you’re supposed to leave. You question every joke and ask yourself if you’re saying too much or not enough. Is the third date too early to bring up kids? Or is that exactly when you should ask in case it’s a deal breaker?
Naturally, that kind of spiraling can produce some spectacularly awkward moments, and the woman in this story seemed to find herself in more than a few of them.
She’d mention something she thought sounded embarrassing, panic, and then keep explaining until the whole exchange became even stranger. Afterward, she tried to smooth things over with gifts, which only left the guy even more confused about what on earth was going on.
As painful as it sounds, though, she’s far from alone. According to research from dating app Agilis, figuring out what to say on a first date is actually one of people’s biggest worries.
The company analyzed Google searches across 54 first-date-related terms and found that “what to talk about on a first date” came out on top, with around 3,600 searches a month. That beat “what to wear,” at 2,900, and “what to do,” at 1,600.
Genuinely, why can we chat perfectly normally with friends, coworkers or the cashier at the supermarket, then sit down with someone attractive and suddenly forget how to talk? Sometimes, even public speaking feels less daunting.
Dating site eHarmony points out that plain old nerves can definitely play a part. But awkwardness can also be tied to unresolved issues, like low self-esteem, lingering insecurities or shyness. A lack of dating experience can make things harder too, especially when you really want to be liked and understood.
One of the best ways to loosen up is to remember that dating doesn’t have to be quite so serious
The trouble is, all that worrying can get in the way of what dating is actually supposed to be about. Instead of enjoying yourself and seeing how well you click, you might spend half the time stuck in your own head. The more caught up you get, the harder it becomes to relax and actually connect.
One way to make things easier is to stop treating every date like it carries the fate of your entire love life. Dating coach, educator and speaker Myisha Battle writes in TIME that first dates are simply a chance to meet someone new and see if there’s enough of a spark to meet again.
Plenty of people end up treating them more like job interviews, which can suck the fun out of the whole experience. You’re allowed to laugh at something stupid or have a slightly weird evening. You also don’t need to decide by dessert if this person is going to be in your life five years from now.
In this story, it’s probably a good sign that the man didn’t let the awkwardness decide where the relationship went next. Once he understood what was happening, he found a simple way to reassure her that he knew what she meant and wasn’t offended. That seemed to ease some of the tension and helped them communicate much more easily.
An awkward moment doesn’t always have to mean something bigger. What do you think? Would this kind of behavior put you off or feel like a red flag? Or would you give it a little more time and talk it through? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Readers had plenty of ideas for how he could handle the situation without making her feel worse
He took some of their advice and later came back with an update on how things went
Luckily, a gentler approach seemed to do the trick, and people were pretty happy to see the whole thing end on such a sweet note
