Be real, are we laughing with the people behind these posts, or crying because it’s all too relatable and modern dating is more of a mess than we hoped for?
Sometimes it feels like finding the one requires a full-on quest we never signed up for, with no map and no idea when it ends. Still, that faint hope for a light at the end of the tunnel keeps us swiping, chatting, and trying again.
Quite often, though, the biggest problem with dating today is exactly that, the illusion of endless options. We’re told there are millions of potential matches out there, but how many of them are actually right for us?
Sure, technology has made it easier than ever to meet people. A simple swipe right can lead to a match or at least a funny story to tell later. But just because there are plenty of profiles doesn’t mean there are plenty of connections.
“With the advent of online dating where the norm is to look at virtual swipes on mobile apps, people have become reduced to profiles pages and photos on a screen,” clinical psychologist Mehezabin Dordi told Harper’s Bazaar India. “It’s almost as though people are partner shopping—much like for products on e-commerce sites.”
This approach has turned dating into something overly focused on appearances and instant gratification, leaving little room for depth or authenticity. Dating apps make it easy to fall into the same trap: the paradox of choice.
“Too much choice causes the feeling of less happiness and less satisfaction with the constant search for what’s better out there,” Dordi explained. “The paradox of choice creates a real sense of anxiety for people looking to find a long-term partner.”
But that doesn’t mean all hope is lost. Modern dating may feel chaotic, but it’s something we can navigate more mindfully. Therapist and life coach Tess Brigham says one of the best ways to do that is to decide what you actually want before diving in.
Most people, she says, don’t even know how to answer the question “What kind of relationship do you want?” because they’ve been conditioned to accept whatever shows up on the screen.
Brigham suggests making your own “ideal partner” list. Not one built on what society tells you to want, but one that’s genuinely yours. Include everything, from values and lifestyle goals to small preferences.
Then, highlight your non-negotiables. What are your true deal breakers? What kind of behavior are you unwilling to overlook? Knowing these things upfront saves a lot of time, heartbreak, and confusion.
And when you start meeting people, online or off, those boundaries become your compass. If someone tells you they “don’t do relationships,” believe them. If they’re inconsistent, distant, or make you feel small, walk away.
The truth is, no one who’s genuinely into you will make you question it. As Brigham notes, people show you who they are through their actions, not their words.
