When you start dating someone and are just getting to know them, it often takes time to fully understand the type of person they are and if the two of you have the same definition of love. After all, not everyone is an open book. Or is willing to treat you with respect.
A recent TikTok trend has women sharing the texts they received from a guy when they first started seeing each other versus the ones they got after a few months (or in some cases even weeks) when the initial excitement wore off.
Dating is hard, people. Hopefully, these conversations will remind you to always keep your guard up.
21-year-old student Cadigan Smith who goes to the University of Michigan was dating a guy for several months and everything seemed fine
But one day she received an unexpected text from him
Cadigan told BuzzFeed that, "he never wanted to officially 'date,' but, at least to my knowledge, we were exclusive and always hung out."
"That probably should have been a red flag in and of itself, though, because one day he flipped the script saying he wasn't attracted to my body anymore and that we should not be seeing each other anymore in case he could not get hard. Which I would totally be fine with — not everybody has to be/stay attracted to me — we are only human. I am not attracted to every guy. But the precedent he set was that he was very much attracted to me," she said.
The woman also thought his wording was very poor, "especially in his follow-up text, where he said if I'm ever out to 'hit him up,'" which is actually the main reason why Cadigan finds his whole approach mean.
"That was his rather, uh, creative, way of dumping me," she said.
People found the whole situation appalling
Cadigan thinks he wanted to make the breakup her fault, as in she wasn't good enough for him.
"Again, if he was authentically unattracted, then he wouldn't ask me to still casually hit him up or offer to hook up ... I responded with basically everything I have laid out here, saying that his story not only didn't make much sense but also was worded in a very rude fashion," she continued.
"It really was not something worth arguing about, because there is nothing to say that can be redeemed after those comments were made. The way he handled being done with me made me immediately done with him."
And more women joined the trend, like this one who saw a guy's act last just 11 days
Then there was one who found his person but changed his mind soon after
Love bombing, an activity characterized by excessive attention, admiration, and affection with the goal to make the recipient feel dependent and obligated to that person, is often tricky to spot and differentiate from genuine emotions.
Licensed therapist Sasha Jackson, LCSW, told Cosmopolitan that for the recipient, it "feels really good because of the boost of dopamine and endorphins you receive."
You feel special, needed, loved, valuable, and worthy, which, Jackson highlighted, are all the components that contribute to and increase a person's self-esteem.
In the beginning, everything seems perfect. It's all the validation and affirmation you've been secretly waiting for. But then, the relationship takes a sudden turn and you might begin to question your judgment, grilling yourself over why you missed all the signs.
According to Ami Kaplan, LCSW, a psychotherapist in New York City, anyone is capable of love bombing, but it's most often a symptom of narcissistic personality disorder.
Love bombing can be incredibly detrimental to your mental health because it is a form of emotional abuse.
Jackson said it has everything to do with the law of reciprocity. "If someone gives you something, you feel that you owe them something equal or greater in return. So if your partner is giving you excessive love and attention, you feel like you have to give this behavior, dedication, or 'loyalty' in return despite the red flags you experience."
This guy was going to fall in love with his 'soulmate' but then fell right out of it
Not to mention the one who had no intentions of cheating... For a whole 5 days
The trend also showed what happens when 'nice guys' get rejected
And completely change their tone
Coming back to Cadigan, the person who probably popularized this, let's call it, challenge the most, she decided to share the texts online because she wanted to accentuate how ridiculous this type of behavior really is.
"I know a lot of people would take those comments to heart and have it really affect them. I am very privileged to say that I don't struggle with self-image issues and I feel comfortable in my body and who I am," the woman said.
"I felt like if I put this out there in such a way where I conveyed that he was the problem, not I, then maybe others might take note if something like this ever happens (or happened) to them. Succinctly put, I wanted to advertise not tearing yourself down, even if the person you hold dear says nasty things about you/your appearance. They are the ones who have some fixing to do, not you."
But after her TikTok went viral, the guy texted her again.
As for Cadigan, the man she was dating contacted her one more time
Only it was her who had the last laugh
