30 People Who Have Worked For Dating Companies Reveal Their Most Insane And Darkest Secrets

Once dating apps and websites infiltrated the world of those looking for love, they completely changed the dating landscape. No longer were we limited to only people living close by, people we met at work or through mutual friends, and suddenly, we could be as superficial as possible. See a photo you don’t like? Swipe left. Oh, he works for a big oil company? Swipe left. My ex boyfriend is a mutual friend of his on Facebook? Immediate left swipe. We can be as picky as we like with essentially no consequences. Everyone is being judgmental, so why shouldn’t you?

Dating apps are fascinating enough from the outside, but it’s even more interesting to hear about them from people on the inside. How the algorithms work, how photos get approved on the sites, whose profiles are promoted more than other people’s, etc. Most of us know very little about what’s happening behind the millions of polished profiles, so we’re fascinated in what these Reddit users were willing to share.

To gain some insight into the wild world of dating apps, we reached out to some experts on the topic: Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu, dating sociologists and co-hosts of the popular podcast Dateable. Julie and Yue have been using online dating sites from when they were more taboo and not mainstream (think Match.com in the early days) to when dating apps exploded when Tinder first came on the scene. From living in San Francisco, the tech capital of the world, they were both exposed to new apps in their early stages and using dating apps became the norm of how to date, even long before the pandemic. They’ve both met partners through dating apps, including Julie’s current significant other who she met on Hinge.

Since they have experience using them, we wanted to know what Julie and Yue's general opinions were of using dating apps. "They are a great way to meet people you wouldn’t normally encounter," Julie told Bored Panda. "Because you know everyone is single (or at least we hope that’s the case) it eliminates having to sift through people you meet out to even see if they are open to dating."

"They are highly efficient for people who do not have hours to devote to going to social events, and can be great for people who have either outgrown the bar scene or simply do not have fellow single friends to go out with," Yue added. "You essentially have a bar full of singles right in your pocket! In the past, we had to rely on our limited social circles and neighbors. Now we have a much wider net to cast to find the right match for us. During the pandemic, they also provided a way for us to continue to date. In today's world, it’s getting increasingly harder to meet people IRL (in real life). The workplace isn’t as viable of an option due to #metoo and remote work. Dating apps provide a great option to be exposed to more types of people to learn what constitutes a good match for you."

But it's not all peaches and cream on dating apps. "There are challenges that arise," Julie says. "Due to the data that they have, we tend to focus on more superficial qualities. For instance, there’s such a focus on height and occupation because that’s the data that dating apps have; they don't know if you’re a kind person or not, they don’t know if you’re going to be loyal or run when times get tough. It almost perpetuates our fixation with more superficial traits because we can’t filter on the things that really matter."

"Swipe culture has reduced everyone to a profile pic where oftentimes people don’t have read the written text and make instant decisions based on a photo," Julie explained. "Despite being mainstream for 10 years (Tinder came onto the scene in 2012) the dynamics of apps haven’t evolved much despite knowing these limitations. They’ve gamified humans and loss a sense of humanity. Also since these people are essentially “strangers from the internet”, people are more prone to bad dating behavior. You would never ghost the person your aunt set you up with. But a rando from Tinder? Why not?"

We also wanted to know if Julie and Yue think people act differently on these apps than they do in person. "Yes. They get more picky almost like they are on Amazon 'shopping' for a soulmate," Yue told Bored Panda. "They treat it like wire cutter needing to get 'the best' which leads to this relentless search for the perfect partner which is an illusion as no one is perfect. They expect instant results because every other app gives us what we want on-demand. We can order a car, dinner, or groceries at the touch of our fingertips so why couldn’t be also order our soulmate like this?"

"The problem is that we go into every date thinking we need to make the decision by the end of the night if we want to date this person or not," Yue explained. "We don’t get to know each other organically. It takes time. And we don’t give each other enough time. When we meet IRL more organically, we have less of an agenda because we didn’t meet under the 'dating context'."

"People can also be jerks on the internet (case in point Reddit and social media) and often will say or do things they wouldn’t IRL," Julie added. "This makes the environment prime for romance scams, [inappropriate] pics, DTF messages, and other inappropriate behavior."

We also asked Julie and Yue if they had any tips for people trying to navigate online dating. "Filter not by the profile, but through the conversation," Julie says. "We recommend spending 30 seconds max reading the profile and go off your gut instinct if you are attracted enough. This isn’t settling but rather knowing the limitations of dating apps. A maybe is a yes. There’s only so much you can know from their profile, so if they look ‘good enough’, have a conversation to see if anything is there. Think about swiping as 'would I want to invite this person to my house party'. People put so much emphasis on deciding if they can envision a life with someone from their profile, but there’s no way you can tell from a couple of photos and a bio so let’s stop pretending we can."

"Also we don’t have to spend hours crafting the perfect opening line: just say hello like you would in real life," Yue says. "You wouldn’t go up to a stranger and ask them ‘what superpower they would be bring to the apocalypse' so why would we ask someone something like this online? We think we need to be so witty, but all this leads to is inaction as it’s not natural. The more we can use dating apps to mimic offline and think of them as just the into, the better. The less we can play into dating app dynamics the better. Instead of focusing on 'the algorithm' to get the best matches, focus on just using dating apps to start interacting with new people. Filter your matches based on who you are having the best conversation with. Even post-pandemic, chat first on video or the phone. This will be the quickest way outside of meeting in person to see if there is potential. And if all goes well, meet in person as soon as possible. The goal of dating apps should be to get offline."

Lastly, Julie and Yue told Bored Panda, "We strongly believe that dating is NOT a numbers game. This is contrary to popular advice but for us it’s more about quality than quantity. Be intentional about what you’re looking for. It’s better to go on one amazing date where you can be emotionally open than 10 mediocre dates that spark no connection."

If you'd like to hear more about their dating experiences and gain some great dating advice, be sure to check out the Dateable Podcast right here.

As with any big tech company, or really any company in general, dating apps and sites have secrets too. But it makes sense given how the industry of online dating has formed into a monstrosity over the years. According to Business of Apps, the dating app market made over $5.61 billion in 2021, and over 300 million people around the world are active users on dating apps and sites. Tinder was the most downloaded dating app in 2021, and it is currently the most popular dating app in the United States. In Europe, however, Badoo has taken the first place spot. 

Among the top dating apps around the world are Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Badoo, Happn, Grindr, Tanan, and Plenty of Fish. Not surprisingly, online dating has become exponentially more popular in recent years, as we’ve all become addicted to our cell phones and gained increased access to the internet. In 2015, for example, global dating app revenue was only $1.38 billion. It has increased over four times since then, and it is likely to continue growing.

There are many reasons daters today might prefer apps and sites to starting with real life interactions or being set up by mutual friends. They can see who they will be going out with ahead of time, and they can look at a person’s social media accounts and get an idea of their interests, their job, and more. Daters also don’t have to waste their time going out with someone if they can see online that they have different political or religious views. It can be much easier to weed through incompatible people, and it is much more convenient to look online when many of us have busy work schedules and might not come across many strangers in everyday life.

Along with all the upsides of online dating come plenty of cons as well. People tend to be much more superficial when they see a photo than they would be when confronted with someone in real life. A person who might be charming and hilarious in person might not be able to show that through an online profile. There is also the danger of creating an idea of someone in your head before you get to meet them in person. It can be disappointing when they are not what you expected, and there is always a risk of catfishing as well. 

It can also be hard to discern if another person is being completely honest when online dating. Outright catfishing a person is obviously wrong, and it can lead to some dangerous and scary situations. But it can be common for daters to avoid being completely transparent about their intentions as well. In fact, one Pew Research Center study found that 71% of online daters think “people lying about themselves to appear more desirable” is very common on these apps and sites. Those lies can be anything from, “Yeah, I’m a doctor” to “Yes, I want a serious relationship” to “No, I don’t have any kids”, but no matter how large the lies are, they are frustrating for daters who are trying to take the experience seriously. Half of online daters also say it’s very common for people to set up fake accounts to scam other people, and 48% say that it is common to be sent unsolicited sexually explicit messages and images. People can always be rude in person as well, but unfortunately, there are usually less consequences for bad behavior online. 

Although online dating has completely changed the game, many people don’t seem to view it as an inherently positive thing. In fact, 50% of daters say that online dating and dating apps have had neither a positive nor negative impact on dating and relationships. Slightly over a quarter of daters actually say that it has had a mostly negative effect. But the stigma that once came along with meeting a significant other online is starting to fade. 54% of daters say that relationships that start online can be just as successful as those that start in person. So if you’re marrying your partner who you first met on Bumble, don’t feel like you need to make up a fake story about how you bumped into each other at a coffee shop. You can be honest and tell your loved ones that you decided to meet at that coffee shop through a Bumble exchange.  

One positive thing about how common dating apps are now is that there is something out there for everyone. Sure, there might not be millions of users on each app, but they’re growing! Over the years, Tinder has commonly been associated with hook-ups and casual dating, but it’s not your only option today. There’s Bumble, which puts control into the palms of women, and Hinge, which allows users to curate their profiles more easily and claims it’s “designed to be deleted” when you meet your match. There is also Her, which is specifically for lesbian, bisexual and queer women, and Coffee Meets Bagel, which sends users curated matches each day at noon. There are even more specific niche dating apps like Veggly, for vegans and vegetarians, and Nuit, which is based on astrological compatibility. No matter what you’re looking for, if you can’t find it in person, there is probably an app for it. 

Being able to order dates like we order takeout on Uber Eats is a bit strange, but we cannot deny how efficient they are. Bustle writer Natalia Lusinski wrote a piece detailing some of the best features of dating apps, and she raises some interesting points. “Dating apps have the portability factor, so you can use them while you’re on the bus or waiting for an appointment,” says New York–based relationship expert and author April Masini. “Because they’re so easy to use on phones, you can take them with you and use them all over the place. Your life can be a lot more flexible with these portable apps. They can be big time savers and success builders in dating.”