Online dating is more popular than ever, with nearly three in 10 U.S. adults saying they’ve used a dating site or app. Over 40% actually believe it has made finding a partner easier.
But it’s not all sunshine and roses—Pew Research Center found that in recent years, more people using dating apps have ended up feeling frustrated (45%) rather than hopeful (28%). Among Gen Z, that frustration is even more intense, with 79% reporting burnout from the endless swiping and messaging.
Some of the most common complaints people have about dating apps include the sting of rejection or the boredom of unending, repetitive chats that go nowhere.
But there are also times when conversations take a turn for the worse, with people being unexpectedly rude or just plain cringe. To understand why this happens, Bored Panda reached out to dating coach Abi Blears.
“We spend too much time talking on apps when we should be forming most of the first impression in person,” believes Blears. “Texting is much more open to interpretation, and we can’t see how our joke or comment lands. In person, we can quickly smooth over a faux pas, but over text, we can’t see the look of horror sweep across the other person’s face!”
If you’ve ever felt tempted to snap back at a rude message, Blears suggests taking the high road instead. “I advise my clients to always be graceful, no matter what the other person does,” she says. “If needed, be firm but polite, and if they don’t respond well, it’s okay to wish them well and move away from the conversation.”
You can also manage awkward online chats in real time.
“If, for example, someone is taking things too quickly, you could say something like, ‘Call me old-school, but this is more of a fifth-date conversation for me!’ and use an emoji to convey your intended tone,” advises Blears. “Or you could even address the situation directly by saying, ‘I’m not sure I’m getting your tone here!’”
Asking for clarification if you’re confused, rather than immediately taking offense, can help keep the conversation on track.
It’s no surprise that dating burnout is real, especially if you keep running into dead ends. However, if you think you’re the only one struggling with modern dating, rest assured you’re not alone. 67% of American daters say their dating lives aren’t going well, and 75% think it’s harder to find someone to date now than it used to be.
For many women, the experience has been particularly negative. About 65% of single women looking to date say they’ve faced harassment, such as uncomfortable physical contact or having rumors spread about their sexual history, compared to 50% of single men.
#13 Was Gonna Wait For Her Response To Post This But I Don’t Think I’m Getting One
“[The dating scene] feels challenging because it is challenging,” says Blears. It's because dating apps have changed the way we think about relationships.
“We have the perceived choice of many more people than we used to, which is great in some ways, but it’s proven that the more choices we have, the harder it becomes to make a decision,” she adds. “This often leads us to doubt the choices we’ve made and hop from person to person when faced with normal relationship challenges.”
Moreover, trying to find someone who truly shares your outlook on life is more exhausting than not. “You’re more likely to encounter people who have different morals and values from your own, or who simply aren’t looking for a relationship,” notes Blears. “You have to weed through all of this while staying motivated, and that’s not easy.”
On top of that, conversations on dating apps can come to a sudden stop, leaving you wondering what went wrong.
“Ghosting is a new phenomenon that has a huge impact on self-esteem, and the introduction of apps causes us to focus on the information in front of us and form quick, less accurate opinions of people,” notes Blears.
“In the past, our first impressions were more accurate because we would only meet a person face-to-face.”
