#1
She HAS TO be able to trust that the first important man in her life will listen when she expresses what she will and won’t consent to.
To find out how this thread started in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user Bluemonday82, who posed the question: "Daughters of reddit: what's the biggest mistake dads make with their daughters?”
He shared that he doesn't remember exactly what inspired him to start this conversation, but he recalls a situation where he made a mistake with his teenage daughter and regretted it. "I realized that there could be other things that I was doing that were having a negative impact on her without being aware," the author explained. "So, I decided to create the question and hoped to get a couple of helpful responses."
We were also curious about how the OP's own dad was. "My father was very distant, in all ways. Honestly, I can't think of anything he did exceptionally well," Bluemonday82 noted. "He needed to be more present in the lives of his children, in all ways."
#2
But thankfully, the OP says he parents his two children very differently than how his mother and father did. "I have a good relationship with them. They trust me, and they talk to me," he shared. "And unlike my own parents, every single day I tell them that I love them."
So what did Bluemonday82 think of the replies to his post? "First of all, I didn't expect to get so many responses, and was caught off-guard at how heartfelt and revealing they were. I read every single one of them. And it was not my place to agree or disagree with them," he told Bored Panda. "As a man and father, I read them to learn and understand. And I am very grateful to every single woman who replied to help all men learn how to be better fathers and better men."
"There were a few replies that surprised me. I expected the theme of different treatment between sons and daughters to be raised, but was surprised at how many women were hurt by not being taught practical skills that their brothers learned," the father continued.
#3
So I guess what I wanna say is, don't treat your daughters differently when their bodies start to change. And always keep talking! I'm so proud of my dad for the person he's become
"Perhaps the most shocking were the women who recounted being shamed and sexualized for the clothes they wore in their own home around their family, even as young girls," the author shared. "I would never have thought that this could be so damaging. That was eye-opening."
"Perhaps the saddest were the replies from women who said that they never knew their fathers for a host of different reasons. Those responses were really hard to read. The pain that these women still felt went right through the screen and hit hard," the dad said.
Finally, he added that he hopes all men will read this article and learn from it to be better men and better fathers.
#4
#5
We were also lucky enough to get in touch with Jim Mckenzie, Founder and CEO of Everything for Dads, who was kind enough to share his thoughts on this topic.
"After coaching and connecting with thousands of dads over my 30-plus years of fatherhood, I’ve seen two big mistakes dads often make with their daughters: Being way too overprotective [and] dismissing their daughters’ feelings," the expert says.
#6
"Let’s start with the first one. Being overprotective can actually backfire and hurt your relationship with your daughter, especially as she grows up," Jim noted. "I totally get the fear—worrying about her safety or even things like accidental pregnancy. That’s completely normal (and moms worry about this stuff too!)."
"But some dads take it to an extreme. I’ve seen Facebook groups where dads joke about shooting their daughters’ boyfriends," he continued. "It might be meant as humor, but this mindset can push your daughter away. Instead of feeling safe coming to you with issues, she might just shut down."
#7
When I was just hitting puberty, I was in a store with my dad and picked out a hair removal cream. He asked why I needed that, and I said for my under arms, and he laughed in my face. Loads of people looked at us really awkwardly. I was mortified.
Also, he would tell me off and call me names for showing emotions other than neutrality or happiness (but not too much happiness). When I was about 7 or 8, I cried watching "All dogs go to heaven", and he called me a "stupid f*****g c**t" for crying over a cartoon. Now I'm 28, with a monotone voice that I can't get rid of without putting a hell of a lot of effort in. I really struggle any time I get gifts, because I know my face and voice often don't show how grateful and excited I am. I also have anger issues, because I was never taught how to deal with frustration and anger, I was just made to bottle it up instead.
#8
"The second one—dismissing emotions—is another biggie," Jim shared. "A lot of dads don’t mean to do it, but it happens when they brush off their daughters’ feelings or don’t make space for real conversations. Once they do that, they are setting themselves up for future failure in their relationships. And let’s be honest, not every dad is great at diving into the things his daughter loves, so sometimes there’s a gap in connection that grows over time."
#10
#11
But as a fully grown woman, I can now look back and see how my dad never complimented me.
He never called me beautiful, or intelligent, or talented, or kind, or anything.
And I was. I was a lovely, smart, motivated, talented kid. But I was deeply insecure. I think a little encouragement from love would've done me so much good.
#12
I’m a full grown adult and can name every single time he called me fat, told my friends I needed a diet, ate snacks in front of my and told me I couldn’t have any cause I didn’t need it. I quit theater in school cause ‘how many fat actresses do you see’. No good man will ever want me. Ect.. ect…
Don’t do that dads.
We also asked Jim if dads are more likely to make these mistakes than moms. "Honestly, yes," he shared. "And I think it comes down to how society has shaped us. Historically, moms have had this 'village' of support for raising kids, while dads were told to be the tough ones."
"Most of us were raised by dads who didn’t show emotions, let alone talk about them. Vulnerability? Forget about it—it was seen as weak. Those old-school ideas haven’t disappeared completely, even though things are starting to change," Jim explained.
#13
so since we never really bonded when I was little we weren’t all that close as I grew older either.
#14
Also he and my mother were miserable together, and I internalized a lot of bad ish about how they treated each other that took about a decade to unpack and overcome. Together or not, treat your daughter's mother with kindness and respect.
Lastly, studies have shown that girls who are taught about bodily autonomy and consent aren't at any greater or lesser risk of being victimized by a r*pist. But knowing 'your body is yours and your consent matters' makes them more likely to report abuse and assault.
#15
That's the quickest way to teach them to hide bfs from you. A) it's unnerving and B) it means you don't trust their choices.
Much better to have a home where the boys are expected to come in and meet you, you get a feeling about them, then have a rational discussion with your daughters later on. Not a raging 'get rid of him' kind of chat. Like a chat where you say I didn't like how he said this to you, does he respect you, etc. She'll be more likely to listen to logic, and more likely to come to you if she's worried or unsure about things.
Open dialogue rather than telling her you know better. Odds are, you DO know better. But telling her that shuts her down and she feels like you don't value her thoughts or opinions. So she won't open up to you again.
"The problem is, a lot of dads today haven’t been given the tools or space to adapt," Jim says. "Asking for help still feels like a no-go for many guys, which is why we see a mental health crisis and such high rates of [taking their own lives] among men."
"This is one of the reasons I’m still so passionate about helping dads. Things are moving in the right direction, but we’ve still got a lot of work to do," he shared. "Thankfully, I see more moms recognizing that dads need help too, and that’s a step in the right direction."
#16
So I would say the way you treat your wife is a reflection of the relationships your daughter will probably default toward in the future. If you treat your wife kindly, like a person who is worthy of respect and care, your daughter is likely to find a partner who does the same for her. If you don't, the reverse becomes more probable.
#17
#18
One time my dad said “you know they only put that woman [insert title of car show] on the mechanics team for one reason (hinting at the reason being eye candy).”
It stayed with me. I had been dealing with a lot of sexism in the industry I was pursuing — making a connection inevitably led to a request for a dinner date or a sexual proposition — and it really made me depressed to hear my dad say something like that about a woman who probably really did have an interest in cars.
He didn’t get why I was so upset.
So what advice would Jim give to dads who want to maintain strong relationships with their daughters?
"Prioritize active listening and create a safe space for their daughters to express themselves," he told Bored Panda. "Nothing makes a daughter warier of her father than feeling dismissed or talked over—especially during the teenage years. While teens can often interrupt or challenge you mid-conversation, it’s essential to remain patient, even when it’s frustrating."
"If you want to have a strong bond with your daughter, start by being a good listener," Jim continued. "Not just 'uh-huh' listening—really listen. Give her the space to talk without jumping in to 'fix' everything or cutting her off."
#19
#20
