The famous phrase "You are NOT the father" on The Maury Povich Show was often accompanied by relief or explosive arguments. But for many men, finding out that the child you've been raising is not actually yours is nothing short of heartbreaking.
A 2005 study estimated that one in 25 fathers in the UK might not be biologically related to their children. And paternity test statistics show that many men worry about this kind of thing, as some geneticists report that almost a million paternity tests are carried out in the U.S. each year.
But that's just numbers – what about the real-life stories of people to whom this has actually happened? We've compiled the most infuriating, heartbreaking, and wholesome stories about fathers finding out the children they've been raising as theirs are actually not theirs biologically.
Prepare some tissues and maybe go hug your dads, Pandas – this one might be quite a tear-jerker.
#1
5 of my 8 children are not “mine”. They are still mine, I changed diapers, said their prayers with them, put bandaids on their skinned knees and loved them. When I found out, I was absolutely blindsided. Then just recently ‘mom’ decided to clear her conscience and dropped this bombshell on them. Pretty much devastating all of them terribly. Most of them will no longer talk to her at all. When we have family get togethers, they threaten to not come if she's invited. These are my kids, and I love them so much it literally hurts, they will ALWAYS be my children, and I am their Dad. It is difficult sometimes in helping to fix their brokenness, but they KNOW and RELY on the fact that they are loved now, have always been, and ALWAYS will be.
93points
#2
Happened to a guy I worked with. There was a rocky period in his marriage prior to the pregnancy and the wife had an affair. At some point afterwards it became obvious that the child was not his.
His take on it? He told me, “There is an old English saying, ‘Whosoever bulleth my cow, the calf is mine’”.
He gave it a lot of thought, realized both he and his wife had been at fault, but if they broke up over this situation he’d lose his biological children and his life would be a mess. So he left his name on the birth certificate as the father and he said he would raise the little boy as his own, no different than his other kids. His older kids had no idea what the situation was. He’d made up with his wife and he wasn’t going to destroy everyone’s life over the DNA of this one little child. He said to him it was no different than if they had adopted or had use donor s***m, they were family and the little boy was his son. He kept his ego out of it and moved on.
I was left wondering how many men would do that. I suspect not many.
His take on it? He told me, “There is an old English saying, ‘Whosoever bulleth my cow, the calf is mine’”.
He gave it a lot of thought, realized both he and his wife had been at fault, but if they broke up over this situation he’d lose his biological children and his life would be a mess. So he left his name on the birth certificate as the father and he said he would raise the little boy as his own, no different than his other kids. His older kids had no idea what the situation was. He’d made up with his wife and he wasn’t going to destroy everyone’s life over the DNA of this one little child. He said to him it was no different than if they had adopted or had use donor s***m, they were family and the little boy was his son. He kept his ego out of it and moved on.
I was left wondering how many men would do that. I suspect not many.
77points
#3
This happened to someone I know. He went almost 20 years believing that his kid was biologically his, then found out his wife had been having an affair for over 20 years and that his chid resembled the other man’s family.
It didn’t change anything, other than taking away some of his guilty feelings for having divorced his wife. To him, it’s just as if he had adopted a baby. The child is his. Period.
Love trumps biology.
It didn’t change anything, other than taking away some of his guilty feelings for having divorced his wife. To him, it’s just as if he had adopted a baby. The child is his. Period.
Love trumps biology.
51points
#4
I’m going to tell you a tale about my step-daughter Sue, who did something I think is unforgivable. When she was 19 years old she worked in a retail store with a married man named Rick, she was dating a man named Mike. This was during her first year of college.
She cheated on Mike with Rick and got pregnant. Her and Rick made the decision not to break up Rick’s marriage so she told Mike it was his child. Between the two, Mike was the better catch financially as he had a superior job, and owned a nice home.
So, Mike, being an honorable man, did the right thing and he married her. He love the child, and he loved Sue with all his heart. She on the other hand always held a candle for Rick. And after 6 years of marriage she began a second affair with Rick, and asked Mike for a divorce. By this time she had her name of all of poor Mikes assets and in the divorce got half his house.
Then her and Rick moved in together and she got a thousand dollars a month in child-support for six year old junior. Her and Rick lived high on the hog, they ate out 3 nights a week, went on vacations, they each owned brand new cars. She has a good job, Rick not so much.
Then after 6 years, she got a new job and it required her to move across the country. She was about to move away and continue taking Mike’s $1,000 mo. with her. Well, her best girl-friend had a heart and felt bad for the poor guy. Who drove an old beat up rusty car, and was clearly not living as high as Sue & Rick. So she went and spilled the beans to Mike and told him that the now 12 year old child was not his, but was Rick's!
Mike took a paternity test and it proved the friend's words true. He went to court and got the child support discontinued. He still loved Sue so he never outed her or shamed her. Everyone still thinks the child is his, and Rick is the step-father. He is still in the child’s life as if nothing changed, he loves the child as if he were his own. He never brought up the six years of child-support he paid after the divorce for a child that was not his ~ $72,000.00 she and Rick took from him. He’s such a good man. Too good!
Oh, but Grandpa & Grandma are NOT HAPPY with what transpired! So, they are going to make sure justice prevails in this situation. So, they modified their will to state that when Sue receives her piece of their estate, she must pay Mike $72,000.00 off the top of her money (even if that means she get zero). The ironic part is, she doesn’t even realize they know about the true paternity of their grandchild. Sue thinks it’s all under wraps. Well, it won’t be on that day!
She cheated on Mike with Rick and got pregnant. Her and Rick made the decision not to break up Rick’s marriage so she told Mike it was his child. Between the two, Mike was the better catch financially as he had a superior job, and owned a nice home.
So, Mike, being an honorable man, did the right thing and he married her. He love the child, and he loved Sue with all his heart. She on the other hand always held a candle for Rick. And after 6 years of marriage she began a second affair with Rick, and asked Mike for a divorce. By this time she had her name of all of poor Mikes assets and in the divorce got half his house.
Then her and Rick moved in together and she got a thousand dollars a month in child-support for six year old junior. Her and Rick lived high on the hog, they ate out 3 nights a week, went on vacations, they each owned brand new cars. She has a good job, Rick not so much.
Then after 6 years, she got a new job and it required her to move across the country. She was about to move away and continue taking Mike’s $1,000 mo. with her. Well, her best girl-friend had a heart and felt bad for the poor guy. Who drove an old beat up rusty car, and was clearly not living as high as Sue & Rick. So she went and spilled the beans to Mike and told him that the now 12 year old child was not his, but was Rick's!
Mike took a paternity test and it proved the friend's words true. He went to court and got the child support discontinued. He still loved Sue so he never outed her or shamed her. Everyone still thinks the child is his, and Rick is the step-father. He is still in the child’s life as if nothing changed, he loves the child as if he were his own. He never brought up the six years of child-support he paid after the divorce for a child that was not his ~ $72,000.00 she and Rick took from him. He’s such a good man. Too good!
Oh, but Grandpa & Grandma are NOT HAPPY with what transpired! So, they are going to make sure justice prevails in this situation. So, they modified their will to state that when Sue receives her piece of their estate, she must pay Mike $72,000.00 off the top of her money (even if that means she get zero). The ironic part is, she doesn’t even realize they know about the true paternity of their grandchild. Sue thinks it’s all under wraps. Well, it won’t be on that day!
46points
#5
Words cannot describe how horrified and devastated and furious I was at my ex wife.
I maintained my good relationship with my son even though he wasn't biologically mine. I still raised him and I can't hold his mother's disgraceful behaviour against him.
His mother however, I divorced her shortly after finding out the truth and have never spoken to her again outside of mandatory talks about legal issues.
I maintained my good relationship with my son even though he wasn't biologically mine. I still raised him and I can't hold his mother's disgraceful behaviour against him.
His mother however, I divorced her shortly after finding out the truth and have never spoken to her again outside of mandatory talks about legal issues.
45points
#6
This question and many of the answers mentioned here brought back many memories.
This is what my husband did when I informed him that I am carrying someone else's baby. Ours is an arranged marriage, I never felt any love or attachment towards him before marriage. He was pretty mediocre in terms of looks as compared to my ex. Whenever I was with my husband I would always compare him my ex subconsciously. I would not go into further details of how I cheated on him.
The decision to tell my husband was not easy. One year into marriage and I had realised my husband is a good human being and he doesn't deserve to be cheated. I can't deceive and scar him for my comfortable future. So one fine night when, we were watching a movie, I got emotional and poured my heart out to him. I was expecting to be slapped any moment. Was expecting to be thrown out of the house in the middle of the night. Was expecting to be divorced. Was thinking what will I do with the baby alone in this world. But…
He just held me close to him, and said “I am glad you trust me enough to share this with me. What ever happened in the past we can't control it now. It's not the baby's fault. The Baby didn't decide to come in to this world like this. Now it's a part of our lives and we will try to do our best. Promise me one thing we will not talk on this particular topic in future. For me you are my wife and he is my son. Nothing in this world can change it.”
Till this date (8 years into our marriage), he has been a perfect husband and a father to my son. With every passing day, I am falling in love with him more and more. My marriage has made me believe in destiny. And it has also taught me looks are not at all important.
Edit: for those of you who are wondering if we have a baby together or not!
My husband was not willing to have any other child earlier, he thought he might be biased towards his own baby, and our son might feel neglected. It took me 5 years to convince him. Now we have a lovely little girl, she's one and a half years old. She makes my home and life complete. He loves both the children a lot.
This is what my husband did when I informed him that I am carrying someone else's baby. Ours is an arranged marriage, I never felt any love or attachment towards him before marriage. He was pretty mediocre in terms of looks as compared to my ex. Whenever I was with my husband I would always compare him my ex subconsciously. I would not go into further details of how I cheated on him.
The decision to tell my husband was not easy. One year into marriage and I had realised my husband is a good human being and he doesn't deserve to be cheated. I can't deceive and scar him for my comfortable future. So one fine night when, we were watching a movie, I got emotional and poured my heart out to him. I was expecting to be slapped any moment. Was expecting to be thrown out of the house in the middle of the night. Was expecting to be divorced. Was thinking what will I do with the baby alone in this world. But…
He just held me close to him, and said “I am glad you trust me enough to share this with me. What ever happened in the past we can't control it now. It's not the baby's fault. The Baby didn't decide to come in to this world like this. Now it's a part of our lives and we will try to do our best. Promise me one thing we will not talk on this particular topic in future. For me you are my wife and he is my son. Nothing in this world can change it.”
Till this date (8 years into our marriage), he has been a perfect husband and a father to my son. With every passing day, I am falling in love with him more and more. My marriage has made me believe in destiny. And it has also taught me looks are not at all important.
Edit: for those of you who are wondering if we have a baby together or not!
My husband was not willing to have any other child earlier, he thought he might be biased towards his own baby, and our son might feel neglected. It took me 5 years to convince him. Now we have a lovely little girl, she's one and a half years old. She makes my home and life complete. He loves both the children a lot.
41points
#7
My daughter is not mine. I knew this when she was born. I didn’t care then and I don’t now.
I have loved and raised her as my own and kept the secret from her. My ex-wife finally told her, a foolish move in my opinion, and it was not easy for her to handle but she’s as much a part of the extended family as anyone.
She is smart, accomplished, and has risen to the top of her chosen profession. I value my time with her and am proud to introduce her as my own.
I have loved and raised her as my own and kept the secret from her. My ex-wife finally told her, a foolish move in my opinion, and it was not easy for her to handle but she’s as much a part of the extended family as anyone.
She is smart, accomplished, and has risen to the top of her chosen profession. I value my time with her and am proud to introduce her as my own.
39points
#8
Yes. I had a “friend with benefits”. We were both single. I didn’t want to commit, but she did. She told me she was pregnant. We hadn’t exactly been exclusive, but I never thought twice about it when she said the baby was mine. I even joked around once with her sisters, saying, “How does she know the baby is mine?” Her sisters reacted defensively, and were like, “Don’t be mean, you know the baby is yours!”
So we went through the 9 months and I was there every step of the way: Baby shower, hospital visits, birth. I signed everything. Held my baby in my arms, etc. After a month or two, a few people started to say the baby didn’t look anything like me. I didn’t think anything of it. However, I did tell myself that I was going to get one of the over-the-counter DNA tests. I had done the same for my other three children.
After two weeks of waiting, I received the results. I about fell over from a heart attack when I saw that my son wasn’t my son! I was so angry with his mom. She had lied. Betrayed me. I confronted her and she genuinely appeared to be as surprised as I was. She cried and said over and over that it was impossible. But the test doesn’t lie. She finally admitted to sleeping with another guy… “but it was only once.” Well, isn’t that what they always say? It’s not like we were a couple so I couldn’t blame her. I just wish she had been upfront from the beginning.
She said she didn’t even know how to contact the guy, that he had moved to another country (where he was from). I thought she was just making it up so that I would remain the father. After a month of trying to find the real father, and having involved her sisters, I realized it was true… the guy was long gone.
Even though I felt angry, more than anything I felt a sense of loss. My son had been violently torn from my arms (metaphorically). I didn’t know what to do about my relationship with him. I was already emotionally vested: 9 months of pregnancy, about two months of taking care of him on weekends… I had even chosen his first and middle names, not to mention he carried my surname.
His mother was resigned to her position and said not to worry, they wouldn’t bother me. She could do it on her own she said (she had two other children from a previous marriage).
I took my time. I talked to a few people. Maybe two. One was my mother. She said it’s up to me, and that its not the baby’s fault. The other opinion was the antithesis, I should count myself lucky, and run. After two weeks of not seeing the baby, I reached out to the mother. I thought, well, maybe I can be like an uncle to him. Not my child but still be a part of his life… That didn’t last long. LOL Don’t ask me how, but somehow I decided to go with “dad” instead of “uncle”.
And that’s the way it has been ever since. That was 8 years ago. He doesn’t know. Most people don’t. I adore him as my own and have never treated him differently. His sisters and brothers don’t know either and everybody loves him. I don’t want to hide it from him, but I also don’t feel like I have to be announcing it. When he gets older I’m sure he will ask, and I will tell him the truth.
So we went through the 9 months and I was there every step of the way: Baby shower, hospital visits, birth. I signed everything. Held my baby in my arms, etc. After a month or two, a few people started to say the baby didn’t look anything like me. I didn’t think anything of it. However, I did tell myself that I was going to get one of the over-the-counter DNA tests. I had done the same for my other three children.
After two weeks of waiting, I received the results. I about fell over from a heart attack when I saw that my son wasn’t my son! I was so angry with his mom. She had lied. Betrayed me. I confronted her and she genuinely appeared to be as surprised as I was. She cried and said over and over that it was impossible. But the test doesn’t lie. She finally admitted to sleeping with another guy… “but it was only once.” Well, isn’t that what they always say? It’s not like we were a couple so I couldn’t blame her. I just wish she had been upfront from the beginning.
She said she didn’t even know how to contact the guy, that he had moved to another country (where he was from). I thought she was just making it up so that I would remain the father. After a month of trying to find the real father, and having involved her sisters, I realized it was true… the guy was long gone.
Even though I felt angry, more than anything I felt a sense of loss. My son had been violently torn from my arms (metaphorically). I didn’t know what to do about my relationship with him. I was already emotionally vested: 9 months of pregnancy, about two months of taking care of him on weekends… I had even chosen his first and middle names, not to mention he carried my surname.
His mother was resigned to her position and said not to worry, they wouldn’t bother me. She could do it on her own she said (she had two other children from a previous marriage).
I took my time. I talked to a few people. Maybe two. One was my mother. She said it’s up to me, and that its not the baby’s fault. The other opinion was the antithesis, I should count myself lucky, and run. After two weeks of not seeing the baby, I reached out to the mother. I thought, well, maybe I can be like an uncle to him. Not my child but still be a part of his life… That didn’t last long. LOL Don’t ask me how, but somehow I decided to go with “dad” instead of “uncle”.
And that’s the way it has been ever since. That was 8 years ago. He doesn’t know. Most people don’t. I adore him as my own and have never treated him differently. His sisters and brothers don’t know either and everybody loves him. I don’t want to hide it from him, but I also don’t feel like I have to be announcing it. When he gets older I’m sure he will ask, and I will tell him the truth.
34points
#9
I’m a kid, not the dad, but this story means a lot to me.
Dad’s first wife wasn’t great. She was lazy, selfish, and a cheater - not his words. He tries not to be insulting since he’s still friends with her family, but he says what she was like in simple terms, and I turn it into insults.
They had three kids, my three older siblings. Only the third one is actually his biological kid. He never “found out”, he just knew because a) the timing of their s*x lives didn’t match up and b) the two oldest look nothing like him. Or each other, for that matter.
It never mattered to him that they weren’t his biologically. He did everything he could for them, raised them as practically a single parent for years, still loves and cares for them all equally.
I’m his stepkid, but he raised me, so he’s always my dad. When I found out about my siblings’ situation, he made a joke that between me and them, he likes to pick up strays. I find it funny.
He never did tell them that they aren’t biologically related. I only found out because he refused to try out the family tree tracing thing that everyone else was doing and Mom just casually dropped that b**b. Maybe they know, maybe they don’t. We’re a family either way.
Dad’s first wife wasn’t great. She was lazy, selfish, and a cheater - not his words. He tries not to be insulting since he’s still friends with her family, but he says what she was like in simple terms, and I turn it into insults.
They had three kids, my three older siblings. Only the third one is actually his biological kid. He never “found out”, he just knew because a) the timing of their s*x lives didn’t match up and b) the two oldest look nothing like him. Or each other, for that matter.
It never mattered to him that they weren’t his biologically. He did everything he could for them, raised them as practically a single parent for years, still loves and cares for them all equally.
I’m his stepkid, but he raised me, so he’s always my dad. When I found out about my siblings’ situation, he made a joke that between me and them, he likes to pick up strays. I find it funny.
He never did tell them that they aren’t biologically related. I only found out because he refused to try out the family tree tracing thing that everyone else was doing and Mom just casually dropped that b**b. Maybe they know, maybe they don’t. We’re a family either way.
33points
#10
I had a daughter. Her mother became pregnant and we moved into a house together. Six months later my daughter was born. Mom had four children from another marriage and made an effort to remind the older children she was their half-sibling. When she was two, the older siblings went from full time with us to half the time with their dad. When she was five, I started to notice mother’s subtle abuses through passive aggression and blame: having my daughter’s hair develop tangles and using a comb to brush, blaming the five-year-old for the tangled hair, and then chopping her hair off. This happened three times by the time she was five years old — and her mom was a hairdresser.
I filed for divorce and custody was joint. My daughter looked a lot like me. So it was a shocker when paternity was challenged. Police knocked on my door and showed me a court order. Mom waited across the street with her ex-husband while a social worker had to pull my daughter away screaming and begging to stay. The social worker kept apologizing and let my daughter come running back when my daughter started to have an asthma attack. After about 20 minutes, a police sergeant came up to the front porch where I was with my daughter, who had started to calm down and her breathing was under control at this point. He just looked at me and said, “I’m sorry,” then walked back to the curb. He spoke to the other two officers, who got in their cars and left. Then he walked across the street and talked to my wife and her ex.
After a few minutes he handcuffed her ex-husband, put him in his cruiser, and left. Mom walked across the street and stood at the curb. I told my daughter that everything was going to be all right, that I’d see her soon, that I loved her and I was so proud of her. I promised her I’d see her soon. Mom told her she’d see me the next week as she took her hand, then they drove off. I haven’t seen her since. I decided a long time ago I was not going to fight it. The divorce court changed the case to divorce without children and it was over.
I haven’t heard anything and have no rights to inquire about how my daughter is doing. She is 8 now and likely can’t remember what I look like, and in a few more years she’ll barely remember me at all. Better for her that I fade away than to risk more traumatic incidents. I miss all of the kids, my daughter and her siblings. I was their father, and now I’m not.
I don’t think I will ever stop hurting.
I filed for divorce and custody was joint. My daughter looked a lot like me. So it was a shocker when paternity was challenged. Police knocked on my door and showed me a court order. Mom waited across the street with her ex-husband while a social worker had to pull my daughter away screaming and begging to stay. The social worker kept apologizing and let my daughter come running back when my daughter started to have an asthma attack. After about 20 minutes, a police sergeant came up to the front porch where I was with my daughter, who had started to calm down and her breathing was under control at this point. He just looked at me and said, “I’m sorry,” then walked back to the curb. He spoke to the other two officers, who got in their cars and left. Then he walked across the street and talked to my wife and her ex.
After a few minutes he handcuffed her ex-husband, put him in his cruiser, and left. Mom walked across the street and stood at the curb. I told my daughter that everything was going to be all right, that I’d see her soon, that I loved her and I was so proud of her. I promised her I’d see her soon. Mom told her she’d see me the next week as she took her hand, then they drove off. I haven’t seen her since. I decided a long time ago I was not going to fight it. The divorce court changed the case to divorce without children and it was over.
I haven’t heard anything and have no rights to inquire about how my daughter is doing. She is 8 now and likely can’t remember what I look like, and in a few more years she’ll barely remember me at all. Better for her that I fade away than to risk more traumatic incidents. I miss all of the kids, my daughter and her siblings. I was their father, and now I’m not.
I don’t think I will ever stop hurting.
30points
#11
Found out when my daughter was 4 that she was fathered by a guy my then wife had had an affair with. I had been a stay at home dad for her for the first 2 years of her life. I only found out after my wife left to persue a relationship with another guy she had been having an affair with, it was her parting shot to tell me that she wasn't mine and that she wasn't going to let me see her any more. I have since spent almost 3 years (and around $40k) fighting though family law court to finally have orders allowing me to see her 4 days a fortnight. She's always going to be my daughter.
26points
#12
Well, it always starts with a handsome guy and his average friend.
I had a friend. Tall, beautiful, brilliant and a d**k. He was all of those. Graduated top of the class at probably the most exclusive college in the world. I also went there.
He was the sort of guy who women would throw themselves at. I was immensely jealous. But he was a good buddy.
Fast forward, I got married to a gorgeous (ex high profile model) woman. I loved her with my heart and soul. My college buddy (the same guy) was the best man at my wedding.
Fast forward again to when my wife and I started having petty arguments. I admit I was at fault due to high-paying, high-stress job.
I guess you already know where the story is going..
I had 2 boys. Twins. Everyone told me they looked exactly like me. What liars. Except my mom. She always was pushing me to get a DNA test, but I put it on her old age. I started noticing an uncanny similarity to my handsome friend. I got them tested.
Mom was right. They weren't mine. Confronted my angelic looking wife. Showed her the proof.
Confessed that one night when I was giving her too much, she went to my friend for comfort. She came back with twins.
I processed my grief. Stayed away for a while. I loved MY sons too much to let them go. My wife is actually very nice and im sure it was only once. I was being a big d****e.
I improved my relationship with her. I’m still at times very bitter, but my sons make me very proud. I got anger management and chucked away the golden handcuffs.
Family isn't made of DNA donors, it’s a lifelong bond.
Also, both sons are at Harvard now, where it all began.
Honestly I sometimes do wish that I had a different life, but life is what it is.
I had a friend. Tall, beautiful, brilliant and a d**k. He was all of those. Graduated top of the class at probably the most exclusive college in the world. I also went there.
He was the sort of guy who women would throw themselves at. I was immensely jealous. But he was a good buddy.
Fast forward, I got married to a gorgeous (ex high profile model) woman. I loved her with my heart and soul. My college buddy (the same guy) was the best man at my wedding.
Fast forward again to when my wife and I started having petty arguments. I admit I was at fault due to high-paying, high-stress job.
I guess you already know where the story is going..
I had 2 boys. Twins. Everyone told me they looked exactly like me. What liars. Except my mom. She always was pushing me to get a DNA test, but I put it on her old age. I started noticing an uncanny similarity to my handsome friend. I got them tested.
Mom was right. They weren't mine. Confronted my angelic looking wife. Showed her the proof.
Confessed that one night when I was giving her too much, she went to my friend for comfort. She came back with twins.
I processed my grief. Stayed away for a while. I loved MY sons too much to let them go. My wife is actually very nice and im sure it was only once. I was being a big d****e.
I improved my relationship with her. I’m still at times very bitter, but my sons make me very proud. I got anger management and chucked away the golden handcuffs.
Family isn't made of DNA donors, it’s a lifelong bond.
Also, both sons are at Harvard now, where it all began.
Honestly I sometimes do wish that I had a different life, but life is what it is.
25points
#13
This happened to my husband a decade before we met. He had recently met his ex after moving to NM from AZ and they had partied a few times together but kept it casual. A few months into it she turned up pregnant and told him it was his so he tucked in and prepared for his family.
Unfortunately, they are both alcoholics and at that time she went 9 months without drinking which ended the day after their son was born. Their son grew up witnessing fights and habits that my husband even today feels guilt over. The baby was a few years old and they were both in a drunken rage, she was screaming and throwing things and he was too, this was also a daily thing. Thats when the truth came out, their son wasn't biologically his child. She was dating other men at the same time they met and when she became pregnant, she chose the man she felt would help the most. A
Although devastated, he decides that the boy is his and his family feels the same so he continues his fatherly role while both parents hang on in a cycle of substance abuse. My husband is Native American and his tribe offers stipends and allowances for all kinds of things and being a father means those benefits are granted to his children, that's basically what kept them floating for awhile before he finally got snatched up for DUI.
That's when he decided things needed to change. He did everything he had to do and vowed to never drink again. After a decade of addiction, he asks his fiance to join him in a journey of sobriety for the sake of their family, in turn she told him she was pregnant again but by someone else, again (which would happen a third time as well). He knew he needed to show their son that he could do better but he had to leave that toxic environment to make that happen.
He moved back to AZ, leaving his son behind, and went back to school the same day he arrived. It was during that time that his son found out about his birth father, he was about 13 at the time. He called him crying, my husband told him that he will always he his son no matter what and that was that. One day, maybe six months into classes, our eyes meet and the rest is history, we married 4 years later after we both graduated. My stepson was allowed to live with us for 1 school year when he was 15 and it was great besides his mom going into rehab just to leave 20 days into it. His mother is still in her cycle of abuse even today and he will be 19 next month. His mother loathes my existence and detests my husband for making good on his sobriety promise.
He celebrated 10 years sobriety in March, we bought our first home together 3 years ago and live a beautiful life but sadly can not have natural children together. His son is my son and he knows he can come to me for anything and thankfully he does. Our son and his girlfriend are blessing us with a granddaughter in December and he wants to move his growing family away from the chaos that is constantly around them. He will be taking a page from his father book and will be moving closer to us next year. All in all, even with the lies and deception, I feel my husband and son are on track for a successful and strong relationship!
2022 update:
On Feb 11th we welcomed our very own babygirl into the world! We never expected to be natural parents in our lifetime but the universe works in mysterious ways! Our son turns 21 this year, his daughter will be 1.5 years old soon! Him and the mother have not worked out but he's doing what he needs to do to stay on course. He starts college this fall and we are proud of his commitment for a better life! Our daughter is a week shy of 3 months and is the light in our life. Being a mother is amazing so far and I'm learning so much about myself. How awesome! Thanks for reading 😊
Unfortunately, they are both alcoholics and at that time she went 9 months without drinking which ended the day after their son was born. Their son grew up witnessing fights and habits that my husband even today feels guilt over. The baby was a few years old and they were both in a drunken rage, she was screaming and throwing things and he was too, this was also a daily thing. Thats when the truth came out, their son wasn't biologically his child. She was dating other men at the same time they met and when she became pregnant, she chose the man she felt would help the most. A
Although devastated, he decides that the boy is his and his family feels the same so he continues his fatherly role while both parents hang on in a cycle of substance abuse. My husband is Native American and his tribe offers stipends and allowances for all kinds of things and being a father means those benefits are granted to his children, that's basically what kept them floating for awhile before he finally got snatched up for DUI.
That's when he decided things needed to change. He did everything he had to do and vowed to never drink again. After a decade of addiction, he asks his fiance to join him in a journey of sobriety for the sake of their family, in turn she told him she was pregnant again but by someone else, again (which would happen a third time as well). He knew he needed to show their son that he could do better but he had to leave that toxic environment to make that happen.
He moved back to AZ, leaving his son behind, and went back to school the same day he arrived. It was during that time that his son found out about his birth father, he was about 13 at the time. He called him crying, my husband told him that he will always he his son no matter what and that was that. One day, maybe six months into classes, our eyes meet and the rest is history, we married 4 years later after we both graduated. My stepson was allowed to live with us for 1 school year when he was 15 and it was great besides his mom going into rehab just to leave 20 days into it. His mother is still in her cycle of abuse even today and he will be 19 next month. His mother loathes my existence and detests my husband for making good on his sobriety promise.
He celebrated 10 years sobriety in March, we bought our first home together 3 years ago and live a beautiful life but sadly can not have natural children together. His son is my son and he knows he can come to me for anything and thankfully he does. Our son and his girlfriend are blessing us with a granddaughter in December and he wants to move his growing family away from the chaos that is constantly around them. He will be taking a page from his father book and will be moving closer to us next year. All in all, even with the lies and deception, I feel my husband and son are on track for a successful and strong relationship!
2022 update:
On Feb 11th we welcomed our very own babygirl into the world! We never expected to be natural parents in our lifetime but the universe works in mysterious ways! Our son turns 21 this year, his daughter will be 1.5 years old soon! Him and the mother have not worked out but he's doing what he needs to do to stay on course. He starts college this fall and we are proud of his commitment for a better life! Our daughter is a week shy of 3 months and is the light in our life. Being a mother is amazing so far and I'm learning so much about myself. How awesome! Thanks for reading 😊
24points
#14
I'm not the dad, I'm the daughter.
My "parents" broke up around the same time my mother switched her birth control. Promptly after the breakup she slept with... someone. Upon finding out - more than a few months later, she had a regular period for the first three months of pregnancy - she did her best to count back the days and figured I must have been my dad's daughter.
She was wrong. I'm now in my twenties and have a son, and I married a Mexican man. I'm Canadian. My dad is very interested in ancestry and has ours traced back for generations, and he was very eager to find out more about my son and my husband's family. So he bought some DNA kits to find out what percentage we were of everything, and to enter my husband into the databases to find other family to build the tree.
He called me, after hours of crying, to let me know how the test came back. This was March of 2020; the start of the pandemic. Strangely, covid doesn't seem to bother me as much.
I've assured my dad that he is still my dad and always will be; my son is still his grandson and as long as he's okay with it my son will never know otherwise. I love my dad. I'm closer with him than my mom. That will never change. My parents were divorced anyways, and have been since I was young. (I suspect my mom knew the whole time - I was short, pale, brown hair and freckles, and my siblings are tall, blonde, and tan.) This pretty much sealed the deal for them, though - my dad will not speak to her whatsoever, except in the case of being polite. He was still verbal with her at the wedding, but I found an excuse to seat them separately. I make an effort to divide my time between them - alternating holidays and the like. This is all pretty fresh. We don't talk about it and probably won't ever again.
My mother has mentioned to me who my biological parent would be, however, I've omitted it. I'm not sure if my dad uses reddit and there are some markers to this story that are pretty obvious and unique to our situation. I'm not sure if he knows. To me it doesn't matter. He's still my dad, always will be. Nothing between us has changed.
My "parents" broke up around the same time my mother switched her birth control. Promptly after the breakup she slept with... someone. Upon finding out - more than a few months later, she had a regular period for the first three months of pregnancy - she did her best to count back the days and figured I must have been my dad's daughter.
She was wrong. I'm now in my twenties and have a son, and I married a Mexican man. I'm Canadian. My dad is very interested in ancestry and has ours traced back for generations, and he was very eager to find out more about my son and my husband's family. So he bought some DNA kits to find out what percentage we were of everything, and to enter my husband into the databases to find other family to build the tree.
He called me, after hours of crying, to let me know how the test came back. This was March of 2020; the start of the pandemic. Strangely, covid doesn't seem to bother me as much.
I've assured my dad that he is still my dad and always will be; my son is still his grandson and as long as he's okay with it my son will never know otherwise. I love my dad. I'm closer with him than my mom. That will never change. My parents were divorced anyways, and have been since I was young. (I suspect my mom knew the whole time - I was short, pale, brown hair and freckles, and my siblings are tall, blonde, and tan.) This pretty much sealed the deal for them, though - my dad will not speak to her whatsoever, except in the case of being polite. He was still verbal with her at the wedding, but I found an excuse to seat them separately. I make an effort to divide my time between them - alternating holidays and the like. This is all pretty fresh. We don't talk about it and probably won't ever again.
My mother has mentioned to me who my biological parent would be, however, I've omitted it. I'm not sure if my dad uses reddit and there are some markers to this story that are pretty obvious and unique to our situation. I'm not sure if he knows. To me it doesn't matter. He's still my dad, always will be. Nothing between us has changed.
23points
#15
Gave him back to his mom. I felt like he needed to be with family. I loved him but I was really young. 18 when he was born. His mom f****d up a bunch and I was raising him alone. I knew he wasnt mine but I couldn't afford a test. Eventually a friend helped me out. His mom was doing way better then. She took custody and they moved away and she met a guy and had more kids. He still visited, stayed with my mom during those times. Eventually she got into d***s and abandoned them all. My mom found out and ended up fighting for his custody so he lives with her now.
Its kind of f****d up. But I really felt like I couldn't love him enough. I don't want kids, I'm angry and mean when I'm frustrated. I didn't handle important things very well. I think he was afraid of me if I got angry. I just want him to have a better place with someone who wants him there.
Its kind of f****d up. But I really felt like I couldn't love him enough. I don't want kids, I'm angry and mean when I'm frustrated. I didn't handle important things very well. I think he was afraid of me if I got angry. I just want him to have a better place with someone who wants him there.
23points
#16
Yeah, I pretty much knew that three of my daughters were not biologically mine.
I found out a lot about my wife at that time.
The hard part was handling her betrayal.
I never gave the kids any reason to believe that I was not their dad. I love them. All of them. They are children and there is no reason not to treat them well. They were innocent in all this.
I would have stayed with my wife. I believe that children are better of with a full set of parents.
My wife at that time could not handle what she did. She eventually sought the divorce.
But there is no way I would have. I mean, I would never have slept with her again, but I would not have let the kids know things were bad.
I found out a lot about my wife at that time.
The hard part was handling her betrayal.
I never gave the kids any reason to believe that I was not their dad. I love them. All of them. They are children and there is no reason not to treat them well. They were innocent in all this.
I would have stayed with my wife. I believe that children are better of with a full set of parents.
My wife at that time could not handle what she did. She eventually sought the divorce.
But there is no way I would have. I mean, I would never have slept with her again, but I would not have let the kids know things were bad.
22points
#17
My high school sweetheart convinced me I needed to get her pregnant so her family would stay in the states and not move to Tennessee for her dad’s job. They moved anyway and I never heard from her for a few years when she showed up with a girl she said was mine. I didn’t even ask questions, I married her. She had a baby a few years later that was definitely not mine. I wanted dna and sure enough neither the girl or the new baby was mine. But I’m the only dad Emily knew so I stay in her life. I pay for her phone and I just gave her my old pickup for her 16th and taught her to drive.
22points
#18
29 years ago. My wife then girlfriend made a mistake, after 9 months and a 10-hour delivery I decided no matter what that boy is mine. No need for DNA test. I have often struggled with telling him. Only me and my wife know.
21points
#19
I have my suspicions about my son from my first marriage. Find out when he was about 18 months old that his mom was a cheater. He has a olive collection, both myself and his mom have pale white skin. He looks nothing like me.
He’s 13 now, I have full custody and his mom has no visitation. That’s my son. I don’t care what the genetics say, I haven’t tested nor will I. If he’s not mine the only way I’d ever find out is if he has a medical condition and something was revealed through reading that it was impossible for him to be mine. But even then, I wouldn’t care. He’s my son.
He’s 13 now, I have full custody and his mom has no visitation. That’s my son. I don’t care what the genetics say, I haven’t tested nor will I. If he’s not mine the only way I’d ever find out is if he has a medical condition and something was revealed through reading that it was impossible for him to be mine. But even then, I wouldn’t care. He’s my son.
21points
#20
My older son was adopted by me at birth. I changed his diapers, sang him to sleep, played with him, taught him to ride a bicycle, shared his joys and sorrows, worried constantly when he was an Army combat medic deployed in Afghanistan, delighted when he got married, and thrilled when he had his son.
He’s my real son, and nothing can change that.
My younger son is biologically mine. I changed his diapers, fed him, did storytime with him and his brother, played with him, attended his baseball and basketball games, listened to his favorite music and podcasts, supported his academic career, felt joy as he achieved higher academic success than I through law school, took pleasure as he was selected as an associate by a leading national firm in Seattle, and recently took a vacation trip with him and his fiancee.
While I’m utterly sure of the biological relationship, if I were to learn otherwise, it wouldn’t affect my feelings for him at all.
He’s my real son, and nothing can change that.
He’s my real son, and nothing can change that.
My younger son is biologically mine. I changed his diapers, fed him, did storytime with him and his brother, played with him, attended his baseball and basketball games, listened to his favorite music and podcasts, supported his academic career, felt joy as he achieved higher academic success than I through law school, took pleasure as he was selected as an associate by a leading national firm in Seattle, and recently took a vacation trip with him and his fiancee.
While I’m utterly sure of the biological relationship, if I were to learn otherwise, it wouldn’t affect my feelings for him at all.
He’s my real son, and nothing can change that.
20points