Nobody talks honestly enough about the early years of parenthood. The narrative that gets handed down is all wonder and magic and unconditional love from the first moment, and while that is true for some people, it leaves everyone else feeling like they are failing at something they were supposed to find instinctive.
The exhaustion, the loneliness, the specific devastation of a toddler looking at you and saying “no dadda go,” these are real experiences that real parents have and rarely admit to out loud. Those worst were all too familiar for a dad at his wits’ end, and he took to the internet to find an outlet for his heartbreaking admissions. But he never expected strangers to help him heal.
The brutal realities of post-partum life for a dad is not talked about nearly enough
For one dad, his breaking point had arrived, and he decided to write a heartfelt admission to feel less alone
He was not bonding with his toddler and he felt that she was pushing him away in favor of her mother
Parents from all walks of life came out to support him, giving him some invaluable advice
After 6 weeks, the dad came back with an update, and in a very short time he was able to see some remarkable changes in their relationship
He took accountability for their deteriorating relationship and started making some meaningful changes in the way he interacts with her
Commenters were elated and continued showing their support for his honesty about his struggles
Six months after his original post, he came back to give readers the update they have been hoping for
His relationship with his daughter is completely overhauled and in many regards she now wishes to be with her dad more than with her mother
His daughter calls him his best friend, a remarkable turn of events in only a six-month time span
Paternal postpartum depression is very real, and somehow we are still not talking about it. Approximately one in ten new fathers experience depression during pregnancy or within the first year after birth, with symptoms typically peaking between three and six months after the baby arrives. If the mother is also experiencing postpartum depression, the father's risk jumps to between 24% and 50%.
What makes it particularly difficult to identify is that it does not always look like sadness. In men, it more commonly presents as irritability, withdrawal from family, overworking as a form of escape, and physical symptoms like fatigue and headaches. A father who retreats to his home office, dreads bedtime, and lies in the dark fantasising about being somewhere else is very likely in the depths of something he simply does not know how to diagnose himself.
The cultural expectations around fatherhood compound everything. Men are traditionally excluded from their child's care plan, expected to provide financially while the emotional and physical labour of parenting falls disproportionately to women. Among working parents, women are more than four times as likely to miss work for childcare needs.
The result is a generation of fathers who feel peripheral in their own families, unsure of their role, and too conditioned by ideas of male stoicism to ask for help. He wrote his first post because he had nowhere else to turn, which is itself a reflection of how little space exists for fathers to be honest about struggling.
Dr Rodgers at UT Southwestern notes that finding ways to intentionally involve fathers helps them define their roles and better meet the needs of their partner and child. Allowing men to identify and express their emotions helps both them and their children manage emotions more effectively.
The father in this story did that work himself and started off by getting on his daughter's level. He spoke softly, pointed at the moon, and kept showing up until she turned around and chose him. Paternal depression is treatable through therapy, lifestyle changes, couples counselling, and medication. He treated his through consistency, patience, and one trip to the zoo.
More people flooded the comments in solidarity, sharing stories of their own struggles with parenthood
Commenters all agreed this was the kind of update that made the internet a worthwhile place to be
