Blended families come in all forms and sizes. But this is a story about a guy who detests the idea of it so much, he would rather have his mother raise the child that he had with his ex than bring it into his new household.
A few days ago, Reddit user DisneyTripGrandma submitted a post to the 'Am I the A***ole?' community, asking if she was too hard on her 28-year-old boy for not manning up and giving his daughter the love and affection that she deserves.
Because, you know, the woman should stop controlling him and allow him to neglect his kid.
One man placed the responsibility of raising his daughter onto his mother so he could start a new family
Image credits: Pixabay
But eventually, she confronted him about neglecting his child
Such (and similar) situations are probably more common than you'd think. As of 2019, more than 3.9 million children lived in a household with a step-parent in the United States. Once a rarity in American culture, blended families are now pretty ordinary.
Of course, bringing two families together under one roof can be quite challenging. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, it can take one to two years for blended families to adjust to the changes. But Julius's wife seems for than willing to try and parents who are proactive in reducing and addressing potential problems can make the adjustment period smoother.
People unanimously said that Julius was the one in the wrong
Some children may resist changes themselves, and while parents can become frustrated when their new family doesn't function in the same way as their previous one, with open communication, mutual respect, as well as love and patience, an affectionate and successful blended family is just a matter of time.
However, it's important to note that trying to replicate your first family, or the ideal nuclear family, can often result in confusion, frustration, and disappointment. Instead, people should embrace the differences and consider the basic elements that make a successful blended family:
- Solid marriage. It's harder to take care of the marriage in a blended family because you don't have the time to adjust as a couple like in most first marriages. You'll have to grow and mature into the marriage while parenting;
- Being civil. If family members can act civil towards one another on a regular basis rather than ignoring, purposely trying to hurt, or completely withdrawing from each other, you’re on track.
- All relationships are respectful. This is not just referring to the kids’ behavior toward the adults. Respect should be given not just based on age, but also based on the fact that you are all family members now;
- Compassion for everyone’s development. Members of your blended family may be at various life stages and have different needs (teens versus toddlers, for example). They may also be at different stages in accepting this new family. Family members need to understand and honor those differences;
- Room for growth. After a few years of being blended, hopefully, the family will grow and members will choose to spend more time together and feel closer to one another.
"I don't blame myself for how he is acting, but I do blame myself for obviously not giving him a good enough foundation that he would be making better choices," DisneyTripGrandma wrote after her story went viral. "His choices are his own but I can't help but feel like they come from me ... If [people's] comments have done one thing it's woken me up to just how passive I've been about all of this."
The woman says she simply doesn't understand how it all got so bad. "I know I failed my son somehow and somewhere down the line," she explained. "I know I can't put him ahead of Annabella but I can't stop being there for him either."
"I don't want to be the teen mom who just gave up on her son. As much as he's changed and as much as I don't like who he's become, I'm his mom it's my fault I didn't do a better job — I know people will say he's an adult it's not my fault but it is I will always be his mom. When I look at him I don't see a grown man like the world does I still see the little baby that he was. If the best way to teach him what he's done is no longer giving him a chance then that is what I'll do I just don't know if it is the best way."
Let's hope these folks can work out their differences and figure out what's best for Annabella.
