Bored Panda reached out to the relationship coach Marta, the founder of MyCoachMarta, to ask a couple of questions regarding inappropriate messages men send to women. We wanted to know what are some common red flags that indicate a man might become disrespectful or cringy when approaching a woman online. We were also wondering how women can identify and handle such situations. We found out that: “The first signs tend to be already present in dating profiles. Non-existent bios or demanding lists of requirements are your signs to swipe left. Emotionally mature men looking for a partner put thought and effort into their profiles.
Next, we have the opening messages. Offensive, overly sexual, or disrespectful messages are unlikely to improve over time. Especially if those messages are met with a boundaried response that gets disregarded. Disrespect for boundaries is always a red flag.”
Marta told us more about suspicious behaviors that women should keep in mind: “Another telltale sign of questionable intentions is a generic first message that shows a lack of interest in the woman's profile. An interested man will make the effort to get to know you from the get-go. If he hasn't taken the two minutes it takes to read your profile, things are not about to get better.
Do we need to mention unsolicited genital pictures? The only response to those is an instant block. If something feels off early, don't hesitate to disengage or unmatch. There's really no need to justify your decision but if it feels right, a simple 'I don't think we're aligned but I wish you the best of luck' message is enough.”
We also wanted to know Marta’s opinion on what factors contribute to the persistence of certain men despite facing rejection from women online, and how this behavior can be addressed. The relationship coach shared with us: “Sometimes men mistake politeness and friendliness for interest, leading them to continue pursuing a woman despite the lack of reciprocation. Some men believe that their persistence will eventually wear down her resistance. As men tend to be pursuit-motivated, rejection sometimes adds an excitement factor, as winning her over despite it boosts their self-worth and affirms their masculinity. This, of course, feels very good to a man and makes it worth trying. The added level of anonymity of online dating might also embolden some men to try tactics they wouldn't attempt otherwise.
As women, we need to be upfront and assertive in expressing our lack of interest and boundaries. If the persistence becomes harassment or threatening, don't hesitate to block or report it. This is not the time to worry about hurting someone's feelings. I believe it is a responsibility we all have to keep each other safe in the online space.”
#10 Apparently You’re Supposed To Obsessively Check Tinder Every Second Of Your Life
Asked how women can establish clear boundaries in their online interactions with men to avoid uncomfortable or disrespectful situations while still being open to genuine connections, Marta explained: “From the beginning, a dating profile needs to be clear about what you are looking for. There's no shame in looking for a long-term partnership or some casual fun. We simply need to be upfront about it to match with people with aligned intentions. While you might get fewer matches, they will be better quality. This needs to continue throughout the early conversations. Don't compromise your values and goals for attractiveness and chemistry; focus on finding someone aligned with you.
There are plenty of decent people looking for the same thing as you. Be transparent about your goals and use the apps and date with those goals in mind. Remember, you only need to find one!”
Lastly, we were curious if Marta could give any advice to men who genuinely want to connect with women online but may be unsure about how to approach them respectfully and avoid coming across as cringy or entitled: “Take the time to read her profile and use that information in your initial conversations. This shows genuine interest and effort. Relationships take some work to succeed, so low effort as early as online dating doesn't bode well for the future.
Respect boundaries and understand that 'No' is a full sentence. While most women appreciate a man who leads, pushing us to more than we're comfortable or ready for will backfire. If she is not interested, accept it gracefully and move on. Insulting her in some form of retribution only makes you look insecure.
Show that you're genuinely interested in her as a person rather than focusing solely on her appearance. Compliment more than her looks! Keep in mind that women are not obligated to respond or be interested in you. Entitlement is unattractive and will only push her away. Building a connection takes time. Treat each woman as an individual, be patient, respond to her cues, and allow the relationship to develop naturally.”
#16 I Told Him I Wasn't Interested Months Ago. He Still Sends Me Random Texts Like This From Time To Time
