Being publicly proposed to is a lot like being asked to play an instrument in a family gathering. Your hands are shaking, everyone’s watching, and you know that saying no might not be an option at this point. Otherwise it might really hurt the person you love, whether it’s your partner or grandma who initiated it.
Reddit user u/Gilded_Violet turned to the members of the ‘Ask Women’ community to learn how they really feel about public proposals. After being asked how the lack of privacy impacted the experience and their response, the ladies didn’t hold back their opinions. We have collected some of the best answers depicting just how cringe a public proposal can be. Scroll down and enjoy.
Bored Panda has reached out to u/Gilded_Violet and they were kind enough to answer a few of our questions. You will find their thoughts below.
#1
I’d die of embarrassment, personally. Technically my husband did propose in a public place (a rooftop bar we like) but knew the whole “get down on one knee in public” thing is neither of our styles, so he just kind of discreetly slid the ring across the table and asked if I’d marry him. That was nice: It still felt private and personal.
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173points
The author of the post told Bored Panda that the reason they decided to ask such a question was witnessing a public proposal themselves. “I attended a New Year party, where one friend proposed to their girlfriend. The woman was clearly uncomfortable, asked if they could talk about it in private, but everybody just accepted it as a 'yes.'”
“This really bothered me,” said the redditor. “I felt like she'd been trapped into marrying him. It made me wonder about other women's experiences and perspectives regarding the topic.” They added that after the proposal, they reached out to the girl to show support; however, she did not reply.
#2
Very much not fun. I got boo’d out of the restaurant after I said no. Don’t do it people
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148points
#3
I’m not a fan. I was proposed to downtown, in the middle of our city, and there was a ton of people around watching. After my partner at the time proposed, he turned around and took a massive bow to the crowd. Fast forward and we are not together anymore lol
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127points
The OP emphasized that no one should feel forced to answer in a certain way. “All healthy relationships are predicated on open communication and mutual consent. I'd like for everybody to know that they don't have to be coerced into a marriage. They aren't alone, and there's no shame in backing out.
“It takes time to feel ready for marriage,” they added. “One shouldn't be rushed into an immediate decision, simply because their partner has made theirs.”
When it comes to their own experience with marriage, Gilded_Violet shared with Bored Panda that their engagement wasn’t public. “Luckily, I've never had a public proposal. My partner and I have always had a private relationship. His proposal reflected that.” They also joked around saying that they wouldn’t want to have another proposal, but if they were to have one, they’d prefer it to be private as well.
#4
My SO proposed in public but not by a crowd. We were the botanical gardens (where we had our first date) on a very dreary December day, we wandered outside to escape some of the crowds and he popped the question then. It was the best time and spot since he hid a bunch of rose petals in his pocket so he could toss them up when I said yes. After the hugs and kisses, a little train ride was going by for bringing kids to and from Santa and a woman shouted a congratulations. If there had been people around, I would have been very shy and self conscious during even though my answer wouldn't have changed. It was nice to have that more private moment as he popped the question.
Also to that woman who congratulated us, thank you ❤️
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122points
#5
Hate it. My husband did this. He planned for my whole family to come down to his moms house and she asked me to come over one day to help fix her tile and I said sure… I walk in and my mom dad sister brother niblings his mom dad sister everyone staring at me and my DH on his knee and all he said was “will you marry me?” And I said yes bc I do love him and then he asked why I didn’t cry??!! Lol ummmm bc everyone is looking and you didn’t say anything sweet? He also didn’t make sure I was showered and dressed nicely.. like I thought I was doing house work dude lol
I did have a talk with him that while it was very sweet to invite everyone I do NOT like that. Marriage is for the couple not everyone else
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113points
#6
My ex proposed to me in front of my entire family, including all of my extended family who was visiting for my cousin’s funeral. It was terrible timing. He sang a song (poorly) and asked in front of everyone. I had already previously told him no because he needed to get his shit together (get a job/have goals in life). He didn’t, but I felt obligated to say yes. We ended it a month and a half later when he still didn’t have anything together. Thank God we never got married!
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106points
#7
It really puts you on the spot. I got stage fright and blacked out my spouse's entire proposal because we were being watched like a play. And the script said I had to say yes
99points
#8
My stepdad proposed to my mom at her work in front of everyone, but he also CALLED THE LITTLE LOCAL NEWS STATION! She was so, so embarrassed. They have since divorced
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97points
#9
I was proposed to in Disneyland. Definitely a high pressure situation. I ignored my gut and said yes. To no one's surprise the relationship didn't last.
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87points
#10
Not me, but I had a teacher once who went to Vegas with her boyfriend. He proposed in the chapel with the officiant or whatever at the altar and her entire family, whom he'd flown in. Even as a teenage dork, that seemed like unacceptably high pressure
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78points
#11
My bf at the time proposed at my bday party in front of everyone...I felt that I had no option but to say yes even though he was manipulative and not a nice person. We broke up shortly after but it was not pleasant when everyone thought we were happily getting married. Privately in a public place like at dinner or something could be very thoughtful but not public as in everyone is watching you
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77points
#12
Not quite a proposal, but when I was a new student my senior year of high school, a guy who I'd known for a week asked me to homecoming at a pep rally in front of our school of ~1,200 students. After he sang the national anthem, he gave a speech about how he’d recently been lucky enough to meet the person he’d been looking for his whole life, how he’d fallen in love at first sight, and how he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life getting to know…ME. He asked me to stand up, and everyone's heads turned to face me. I did, and he proceeded to ask me if I wanted to go to homecoming with him (which was like two months away??) It was mortifying and so embarrassing, and I ABSOLUTELY said yes due to the pressure and everyone’s expectations.
Then he ran over to me and gave me two dozen roses (it was first period). All day everyone was coming up to me to talk about it and asking me how long we’d been dating. I kept telling people we barely knew each other. It was so awkward and embarrassing for me. I ended up saying no a week later
Then he ran over to me and gave me two dozen roses (it was first period). All day everyone was coming up to me to talk about it and asking me how long we’d been dating. I kept telling people we barely knew each other. It was so awkward and embarrassing for me. I ended up saying no a week later
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77points
#13
I was publicly proposed to in front of maybe 500 people during Christmas church service. I hate attention. We are divorced
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76points
#14
My ex proposed to me after I got off a plane…. In the f****n airport. Then got mad I didn’t kiss him.
It was so embarrassing…
It was so embarrassing…
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70points
#15
I think it’s important to know the type of person that you are proposing too and definitely have a discussion about dream proposal.
My ex proposed to me at Disneyland during the fireworks. I absolutely f*****g loved it and felt like an absolute f*****g princess. 10/10 would do it again
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69points
#16
I'd honestly be wondering if this was a man I want to marry. If he knew so little about me that he'd make a public production out of an intimate moment...yeah, no. Just no.
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66points
#17
My husband proposed in public but no-one apart from our friends saw. It was the last night at a festival and we were watching a big firework show. I looked round at him and he was on one knee. It was honestly amazing. If loads of people had seen in a restaurant or something then I'd have died.
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63points
#18
It was awful. My ex was all about attention on himself. I had driven hours to watch him perform at a college basketball event. I almost didn't go, but I got a lot of pressure from his sister to go watch him. It was a big crowd, and his family was all there. When the performance took a shift and I realized what was happening, I was so ready to bolt. I knew I was being filmed and everyone was watching. It was one of the worst moments of stage fright in my life. In hindsight, I should’ve realized that my feelings were not important to him and took that as a sign as to how the future would be with him.
Later on, my family asked why I didn’t tell them how the proposal happened and I admitted it was because I was so embarrassed by the whole ordeal that I didn’t want to tell anyone. Anyway, he’s about to marry the woman he cheated on me with. And I have no doubt it’ll be just as much of a 'look at me' kind of event he loves. Oh, and the person who took and posted that awful public proposal video won’t take it down because it’s 'their most liked video ever.
Later on, my family asked why I didn’t tell them how the proposal happened and I admitted it was because I was so embarrassed by the whole ordeal that I didn’t want to tell anyone. Anyway, he’s about to marry the woman he cheated on me with. And I have no doubt it’ll be just as much of a 'look at me' kind of event he loves. Oh, and the person who took and posted that awful public proposal video won’t take it down because it’s 'their most liked video ever.
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61points
#19
Public with a ton of people around is a big nope and would definitely make me have second thoughts. With that said, my now husband proposed downtown Milwaukee in a park when it was cold and raining. Not a soul around and it was beautiful 😃
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59points
#20
Totally fine IF and only if:
1- the recipient has expressed they're okay with public proposals and would enjoy one,
AND
2- both people have discussed marriage before, and the asker knows the recipient would say yes to a proposal.
1- the recipient has expressed they're okay with public proposals and would enjoy one,
AND
2- both people have discussed marriage before, and the asker knows the recipient would say yes to a proposal.
Anything other than that is a no-no.
Also don't propose at any other even of personal significance (graduation, finishing a sport event, etc).
Also don't propose at any other even of personal significance (graduation, finishing a sport event, etc).
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58points