If you've never had at least one mortifying moment of sheer embarrassment, who are you even? It happens to the best of us. Some just hide it better than others. But for many people, our cringeworthy moments stick with us long after the deed is done. If you've ever had a sudden memory about something stupid you did when you were a kid, you'll know what I mean.
The authors of That’s Cringe: The Neuroscience Behind Embarrassment define embarrassment as a self-conscious emotion experienced in short-lived situations. They say a moment of embarrassment can lead to awkward or humorous situations, but internally, a person may be judging themselves based on an awkward interaction.
"Humans are social beings, making them desire a sense of community," explains the Simply Neuroscience site. "In a community of people, people do not want to receive a negative evaluation from others." It adds that this negative evaluation can be “socially imposed” or "internally imposed."
Getting embarrassed is a story, or feeling, as old as time. According to evolutionary psychologists, embarrassment served as a social corrective – "a way to acknowledge mistakes, signal remorse and reduce conflict within groups," explains Laura Ellen Pigott, Senior Lecturer in Neurosciences and Neurorehabilitation at London South Bank University.
The expert goes on to write that this instinct probably helped our ancestors stay in the group, which was critical for survival. "People who showed embarrassment were seen as more trustworthy and cooperative," Pigott adds.
While many of us might think of embarrassment as a bad thing, Pigott says it can invite empathy and forgiveness, which helps to strengthen relationships. "It signals that we care what others think, promoting approachability and emotional closeness," she explains. "So, while it’s uncomfortable in the moment, embarrassment probably evolved to keep communities cohesive."
And on the topic of empathy, it'd be wrong not to mention second-hand embarrassment. That feeling we get when scrolling through the cringey posts on this list.
Pigott explains it as embarrassment being contagious. "Most of us have cringed on someone else’s behalf," says the expert. "This shows how deeply tuned our social brains are. We empathise with others’ awkwardness, often rushing to reassure them."
This empathy, or second-hand embarrassment, can help preserve harmony and build connection with others, she adds.
If you've ever embarrassed yourself so much that you wished you were someone else, you might be on the right track.
One study found that picturing yourself as an observer of the cringe moment, rather than a participant, may actually minimize distress. “It’s [about] detaching yourself from this embarrassing situation and realizing observers won’t judge you harshly,” explains Li Jiang, a researcher at Carnegie Mellon University’s Center for Behavioral and Decision Research, and one of the study's authors.
According Jiang, the trick is to look at yourself as a truly anonymous observer — not from another person’s perspective. She explains that taking on the profile of a third-party observer is more powerful because it provides more distance from the situation.
