For our earlier piece on a particularly obnoxious nice guy, counsellor & psychotherapist Tati Silva agreed to share her thoughts on the archetype.
“[I think it's] a man that is physically less attractive [and] tends to compensate by being nice to be able to connect to people," Silva told Bored Panda. "They will overcompensate with over-the-top behaviors. The ‘nice guy’ will use all the tools to charm the person they are interested in. However, if it is not replicated, the ‘nice guy’s’ true colors come to light.”
Silva also agrees with Dr. Glover in that a ‘nice guy’ has a sinister side.
"In the mind of the ‘nice guy’, the person he is pursuing should repay his action by becoming his girlfriend or boyfriend, for him that is how these things work. The ‘nice guy’ will lash out if he does not get what he wants, which might be indirectly influenced by misogynistic entitlement complexes.”
Silva said that misogyny occurs unconsciously, connecting with hatred that forms early in life, often as a result of a trauma involving a female figure they trusted. Of course, there are exceptions. “This doesn’t apply to everyone, there are genuinely nice guys and girls out there that will be okay to be put in a friend-zone, respecting your opinion. They won’t expect anything back.”
But ‘nice guys’ place themselves as the victim to get what they want — they are nice, so they deserve a chance. At least in their mind. “They evoke notions of fairness when they complain about not receiving the attention they seek.”
“For all the masked ‘nice guys’ out there, it is ok to be vulnerable, be yourself with the person that you would like to date, it might take you a few steps further in your relationship instead of a complete shutdown,” Silva added. “People have the right to say no and owe nothing in return. True kindness is given without expecting nothing in return.”
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