Sounds familiar? If so, chances are you have encountered at least one ‘nice girl’ in your lifetime. She’s the male equivalent of a ‘nice guy’ and can be equally as toxic and frustrating a persona as these knights in digital armor.
Luckily, the ‘Nice Girls’ subreddit is set on calling out such behavior in hopes that it helps men and women distinguish fake nice behavior from the real thing. Scroll down to find their most cringeworthy posts, and be sure to share your own ‘nice girl’ encounters below.
While you’re at it, don’t forget to check out a conversation with a women's transformologist, Carolina Stukenberg, who kindly agreed to tell us more about how seeking validation from men can contribute to women becoming ‘nice girls.’
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In a previous interview for Bored Panda, the moderators of the ‘Nice Girls’ subreddit explained that women who embody this term tend to be jealous and lack maturity and experience.
In their ‘About’ section, they additionally write that 'nice girls' are the women who complain guys are only interested in ‘females of easy virtue.’ They also are the “women who complain that men are shallow for not dating overweight women, while also demanding that their man have washboard abs. The women who hold others to the highest possible standard but have no standards for themselves.”
However, they note that ‘nice girls’ shouldn’t be confused with ‘female incels,’ ‘crazy girls,’ ‘nice guys,’ or women who believe 'men are trash.’
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In another interview for Bored Panda, the moderators distinguished ‘nice girls’ from ‘nice guys,’ saying that the latter tend to be more intense than the former.
"As a woman, I've never heard of a self-proclaimed nice girl turning violent," one team member said. "However, most women I've known have met at least one self-proclaimed nice guy that made them genuinely fear for their safety. Which is not to say that women don't have the potential to be dangerous, or aren't dangerous-but I personally have not heard of a woman stalking a man and committing acts of violence because he spurned her advances."
The moderators also emphasize that the purpose of the subreddit is not to hate on women. Therefore, they kindly ask their members to refrain from making sexist comments. Their actual aim is to educate women on their internalized sexism and prevent them from becoming the ‘nice girls.’ "We like to believe that female visitors to our subreddit have been pointed in the right direction," they shared.
The issue of ‘nice girls’ seems to arise from women’s hard-wired need for validation from men. This means that females often seek the approval of males, whether it’s received in the form of compliments, praise, affirmations, or sexual attention. The tendency to seek such validation stems from our patriarchal society, where men’s opinions and perspectives are valued more than those of women.
“Many women find themselves seeking validation from others, particularly men, as a way to feel good about themselves,” further explains women's transformologist, Carolina Stukenberg. She notes that such behavior can also derive from deeper issues, such as dysfunctional family dynamics or childhood adversity, which can result in low self-worth and self-esteem in women.
“In such environments, love and affection may have been conditional, leading to the belief that these must be earned through pleasing others,” says Stukenberg.
She adds, “Another aspect that creates the need for seeking validation is that from a young age, women may learn to prioritize the needs and expectations of those around them, often at the expense of their own authentic selves. This "good girl syndrome," rooted in the desire to be loved and accepted, can lead to a pattern of self-abandonment. Women may mold themselves to fit the projections of others, masking their true essence in the process.”
Constantly being conscious of how a man sees you over focusing on how you feel about yourself can greatly damage a person’s self-esteem and result in emotional dependency and unhealthy relationships in which deeper emotional needs are unmet.
Research from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology also suggests that individuals who thrive on external validation tend to experience higher levels of stress and have a lower overall well-being.
Stukenberg additionally notes, “Women who constantly seek validation from others may experience self-doubt, negative self-talk, burnout from prioritizing others, and a tendency to people-please. These behaviors not only diminish a woman's sense of self but also create a cycle of dependency on others for approval and worth."
