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If you believe that the creepiest places on this planet are graveyards, abandoned hotels, and deep dark forests, think again. Some of the most horrible experiences can happen at the nearest bus stop or while taking a train downtown.
Even if today our daily commutes have decreased (thanks to the wonders of working from home), everyone has at least one nasty experience to share. The OP kicked off the thread by telling a story about how they and their girlfriend waited for the bus in the rain.
“Some creepy guy with a huge grin on his face started to make his way toward us from just a few feet away,” they wrote. “I assumed he was just going to ask for some spare change. What he ended up doing was making his way under our umbrella with the intention to share it with us until the bus arrived.” Experiencing such an invasion of your personal space can leave anyone feeling anxious and scared.
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One study revealed that when people sit close to other passengers on public transport, they experience negative reactions. With the help of 139 urban passenger train commuters during rush hour, researchers found that the density of the train car was insignificant for multiple indicators of stress, such as self-report, salivary cortisol, and performance aftereffects.
However, “the immediate seating density proximate to the passenger significantly affected all three indices.” It seems that how many people are on the train car with you does not play that important of a role. It’s the individual spacing that leads to an invasion of your personal space that makes you feel uncomfortable and stressed out.
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I immediately thought he was going to flash me, but before I could react, he opened his trenchcoat to reveal... meat. Actual meat, in styrofoam packages, in his trenchcoat pockets! Ground meat, chicken.. all kinds of meat.
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But imagine if the person completely erasing the line of your elbow room is not only annoying but also violent. Whether it’s a bus or a train, you may find yourself in an enclosed space, feeling trapped and isolated. However, there are some tips to have in mind when you have an argument with another passenger and want to defuse it.
Zach Stone, a behaviorist and a violence prevention professional, created the CAIRO method as a quick tool to teach the basics of conflict control. According to him, these industry best practices can “dramatically increase your odds of having a successful encounter in the street, depot, on the bus or trolley, or in your home.”
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Feeling cornered, humiliated or ignored are some of the most common reasons why people become aggressive. This tool works because it was “crafted to reduce the emotions and thought processes that lead to violence.”
First, you have to remain calm. When passengers are challenged, they often raise their voice level: “In response, we may be tempted to try to meet them where they are at, out of instinct.” However, this could lead to a serious escalation. That’s why a neutral tone of voice “is very effective for establishing the tonal parameters (boundaries) of the conversation.”
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TL:DR I'm fairly sure I escaped the clutches of some sort of strangler in Lewisham.
Next, try to remain assertive. “Having confidence in your ability to keep your personal environment a safe space sounds very different than annoyance over losing control,” Stone explained. “An empowered pitch that is coupled with a calm demeanor can be a very stabilizing force in an altercation” and it shows the other person that you’re not afraid of them, but won’t attack them either.
Also, it’s important to make informed statements to let the violent person know what’s going on. Stone provides a couple of examples: “‘We are moving on now.’ ‘This conversation can be saved for another time.’ … ‘I need you to step back from me.’ ’You are invading my space.’” Sometimes, giving the other passenger enough information will help in de-escalating the situation.
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Another great tool would be to try to reflect and listen to that person. “Often, people just want to be acknowledged and feel like they were heard. Reflective listening allows you to show someone they were heard and move forward with your lesson plan or discussion,” the behaviorist added.
Finally, you can try to ask open questions and try to get the passenger to express themselves. “This is a great tool to not only make a person feel acknowledged and visible, but it interrupts violent thought patterns. By asking opening questions, you give them the platform to address their feelings and get back in control of themselves.”
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It’s important to note that you don’t have to use all of these tactics in this order, “You may use combinations of these actions in succession until you bring the person down to a manageable level.”
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