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How do you actually give good advice? Well, a big issue that many people run into is that they start with good intentions and genuinely want to help out their family, friends, or coworkers. However, the advice they give gets ignored. Why, though?
Things aren’t that simple. For one, you have to ask yourself whether you’re actually, well, helping the other person. You also have to accept the fact that you might not know how to help someone else—only they do. And that requires setting your ego and desire to look like a know-it-all aside and really start listening to the other person.
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5 things you can see.
4 things you can touch.
3 things you can hear.
2 things you can smell.
I differ on the 1 thing. It’s normally, ‘1 thing you can taste’ but I go with ‘1 thing you feel’ which usually gets them to share their overriding emotion that is often the one they’re struggling to deal will.
Then, ‘What would help you right now?
Once calm, ‘What could you do to help yourself the next time you feel like this?” I think they need some ownership. Then you can talk about inappropriate reactions etc.
If full on melt down when this just won’t work, I gasp and do a bit of pantomime and say ‘I saw a mouse/frog/fairy/hobbit!’ as a distraction technique whilst we earnestly look for the mythical being. By the time we accept they’ve gone back to their lair/ dwelling, they’ve usually exhausted themselves and are calm enough to talk.
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According to clinical psychology expert Timothy Carey, PhD, we should perceive good advice as that which helps improve things or make them better.
“So good advice helps a person solve a problem or figure something out or do better than they were doing before. The goodness, then, arises from the results of the advice, not the advice itself. This means that if you want your advice to be appreciated, it has to improve things in some way for the person you’re advising. The fine print here is that it is only the other person who knows if things are getting better,” he writes in a post on Psychology Today.
Carey points out that it’s not the advice itself that is helpful or unhelpful, but following it leads to good or bad results.
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I have used it for the following.
Cuts
Rashes
Sun burn
Intense hair treatment to moisturize
Wrinkles
Dry feet, elbows and hands
Blisters
Hot spots on my dog
On my saddle to condition it
On leather shoes or purses..sparingly
When used on cuts or abrasions it also takes alot of the pain away instantly.
“It is critical to understand, though, that problems of day-to-day living are only ever individually experienced. We can’t ever really genuinely experience any aspect of another person’s life,” he notes.
“The value of the advice is determined entirely by the receiver of the advice rather than the giver of the advice.”
As Carey emphasizes, it is not the advice giver who makes the advice good. “It can certainly feel good to be giving someone else advice. With just a few crafty sentences, people can feel wise and caring and helpful all at the same time. The confidence and conviction of the adviser, however, is a very poor gauge of how helpful the advice is going to be.”
So, actually good and effective advice will be more focused on listening, learning, and questioning, with a bit less telling or guiding, according to the expert.
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All that I remember is that your connective tissue is ALL connected, and there are big swathes of it in your feet and palms, so if you massage the hell outta those areas you can gain some flexibility in other areas of your body!
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Meanwhile, Joshua Habgood-Coot, a lecturer in philosophy of language in the School of Philosophy, Religion and History of Science at the University of Leeds in the UK, stresses something similar.
He notes that it is vital to give the person you want to advise “space to articulate” their goals and experience.
“This allows me to tailor the style of my advice to his situation, rather than offering an off-the-rack solution. The questions I ask are not just politeness or stage-setting; they’re an important part of what it takes to advise someone well,” he explains in a post on Psyche.
“Advising is hard. It’s a complex activity that involves negotiating someone’s difficulty in dealing with a problem and their responsibility for dealing with it. Often, it degenerates into telling people what to do or showing off how much we know. Perhaps if more of us understood advising a little better, we could avoid giving overbearing advice and be more responsive to what other people actually need when they ask for help.”
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After you’ve read through these incredibly cool life tips, share your own in the comments. What’s the very best piece of life advice that you could give someone that will help them out?
What is the top piece of advice you’ve ever listened to that you're grateful for every single day? What's the worst or silliest?
Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas below.
#16
Put a slice of bread in your container of cookies that were over baked or starting to go stale. The moisture from the bread softens the cookies
Wrap your lettuce in foil, it will last longer
Also putting your fruits like strawberries in glass bowls or jars will make them last longer in the fridge
To eliminate fruit flies, make sure all your dishes are done. The sink drains are clean, the garbage is taken out as well as all food is put away (no potatoes out etc) Put some apple cider vinegar with the mother into a jar with a couple drops of dawn dish liquid, stir it up and set it out without the lid. The flies will go to drink the vinegar and the dish liquid drowns them
Homemade wasp spray is water and dish liquid in a spray bottle. The soap sticks to them preventing them from flying and eventually suffocates them since they breathe through their exoskeletons. No harsh or toxic chemicals to deal with.
#17
Works great for wine.
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Put a silver spoon in a cup before you pour soda into it, to stop it from overflowing. Works wonders when making an ice cream float.
#19
Get Bag Balm (square green tin) and apply before bed, then wear cotton socks/gloves to sleep.
Wake up with super smooth and soft hands/feet.
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