Nearly everyone has at least one romantic relationship that they regret getting into. Maybe the chemistry wasn’t right. Perhaps the partner was leading them down a bad path. Or maybe they were incredibly jealous, toxic, and took to stalking you when things didn’t work out. Whatever the case might be, when you hear about someone’s ‘crazy’ ex, it’s usually a one-sided perspective. Biased. Unfair. Superficial. Self-serving. Well, there’s always another side to the story that needs to be shared and heard.
The women of Reddit, who were called ‘crazy’ girlfriends by their exes, opened up about their side of the story in a series of brutally honest posts. Scroll down to read them below.
In the stories, some of these women explained just how toxic and insecure their partners actually were. Meanwhile, others were candid about the fact that they themselves messed up badly. It’s catharsis through anonymity.
#1
I found out that my ex was a registered sex offender (the victim was a young child), on probation, considered at high risk to reoffend, and had several court mandated restrictions and requirements. His dad and stepmother had helped him hide it from me for close to 3 years.
I dumped him immediately and went no contact, but a friend of mine started dating him. She helped care for her sister's child, who was the same age and gender as my ex's victim. I told her and she confronted him. He denied it and said that I was a crazy jealous b*tch who couldn't handle being dumped. She accused me of slandering him and trying to ruin his life. This was before the Internet, so I showed her the court records I had copies of. She dumped him and outed him publicly.
He then went on a campaign to trash me to anyone who would listen to his rants. I was crazy, a whore, cheated on him, had stds, stole from him, physically assaulted him, turned tricks to support a drug habit, you name it, I did it.
I'm just glad this happened in the early 90s or he'd have put it all online and it'd have been a lot harder to put behind me.
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300points
#2
For me I was with a guy for 4 years. The last 6 months of it I had no idea he was cheating on me. I find out. I get upset and I ask him to come over to talk it over. Mind you I was really rational about the situation.
I felt sad not only that he cheated on me, but that he must have felt trapped to do it in the first place. So I basically ask him why after all this time he couldn't just tell me that he wasn't interested in me anymore. He responded "I just didn't want to hurt you". Well it was a nice stab in my heart, but ok.
A few days later I check on my Facebook and I have all these messages from people that I am not necessarily friends with, I just knew them because they were friends with my ex. Well they're messages weren't kind to me and even people for some reason were making "notes" and passing them along like those chain letters or fill in the blanks.
So basically these "notes" we're poorly edited/photoshopped (might as well been paint) screen shots of convos where people twisted my words making it look like I was the bad guy. Basically I ignored these things, I was upset, but more embarrassed because honestly I found that my ex had been actually telling people these things were true.
I asked him to kindly stop. But he kept insisting that he was stating facts. I kept telling him that those things weren't true.
Soon after it died down and people stopped talking, he decided to come up with new things. Now he was telling people that I begged for money and made him buy everything because I am selfish. People bought it lol. Although I was the one who had a job... He never worked lol. So I asked him again kindly not to say things like that and he should be over me and focus on his new relationship.
Well it didn't stop. I got threatening messages from his gf about harassing him and begging him to stop with my "lies" and she told me some other stuff. Finally I had enough.
After all the harassment, I ran into him at the mall where he greeted me with a smile and gestured to give me a hug like we're friends. I told him that it's not appropriate and really I just don't want to talk to him anymore. His gf was meeting up with him and she stopped by as I was walking away from him and she started screaming at me in the middle of the mall.
I kept trying to explain I had no intentions of meeting him there. All the while she's screaming calling me "crazy" he's recording it all. I finally start to walk away (confrontation isn't my thing). She grabs my hair and pulls me to the ground and keeps telling me to quit obsessing over her bf. I struggle to get away and finally a security guy shows up and she explains how I am causing commotion and apparently "threw punches" at her. He kicks me out.
Hours later I go on fb and see I have 75 messages. And I am tagged in something. Well my ex recorded the whole fight (where I did nothing and basically get beaten up) on Facebook. People called me all kinds of scum. So I don't go on there anymore. So much drama.
All that time I was the "crazy" ex gf. And honestly I was more heartbroken that he was sad being with me than the actual break up.
I wanted to file a police report. I never did. He eventually got caught having sex with a 13 year old (he was 19 at that time). Had court, never showed and fled to Canada.
Thanks to whoever reads this..it's long.
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266points
#3
In defense of my crazy ex-girlfriend, she was damaged by her parents' criminal neglect and violent abuse. Girlfriend didn't stand a chance as an adult. She had her sweet side, but she had no self-control when under stress.
People don't realize, when judging and ridiculing people who have bad behavior, that somewhere in that person's past there may very well have been physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. It can harm for a lifetime. Those people need patience, kindness, and understanding, not labels.
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211points
Naturally, there are two sides to the story in every break-up. And nobody likes to feel like they’re the villain. So some people tend to brand their exes as ‘crazy’ whenever they talk about them to their friends and family.
That way, the responsibility is off their shoulders—they’re the victim in all of this!—and there’s a clear target for all the things that went so very wrong. It takes a lot of introspection and maturity to admit that nobody’s perfect and that both parties are usually to blame. In some cases, however… there’s clearly one person who was the toxic one. And anyone can be toxic, no matter their gender.
#4
I've definitely been "crazy". Snooped through phones, emails, etc. because I knew in my bones he was cheating (confirmed). It made me realize I never want to be with someone who I feel like I "need " to snoop on. Walked away after that.
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175points
#5
In the eyes of his family, im a crazy girl who caused him to lose his job with a prominent university in our state by filing a restraining order against him. Then after the restraining order was dismissed i further ruined his life by accusing him of/him being prosecuted for domestic violence, and it causing him to lose custody of his son.
In reality, he threatened to murder me and my family after i broke up with him the first time, causing me to file the restraining order. Being young and dumb, i attempted to rekindle the relationship after the restraining order was dismissed. After a couple of months, he hacked into my facebook account and posted naked photos of me, then beat the sh*t out of me when i confronted him about it, which is why he got domestic violence charges. Aaand he lost his son because he likes to smoke pot and blow it in his face and let him play with his bong.
Not crazy, just stupid.
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170points
#6
After three years he broke up with me via text. I sent him bull testicles so he could see what balls actually looked like. I mean someone had to show him what he was missing.
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156points
Bored Panda previously reached out to British psychotherapist Silva Neves to hear his thoughts on toxicity, specifically about toxic masculinity in the modern world.
The mental health specialist explained that toxic masculinity is a collection of negative attitudes that are perpetuated by systemic misogyny. What’s more, a set of distorted ideas about what men ‘should’ be like feeds into this. In short, the ideas that men should never appear to be weak or soft, that they shouldn’t ever show vulnerability, and that they always have to be winners can have negative effects both on men, as well as the people around them.
#7
I was called the crazy ex-girlfriend. We dated for five years so we had many friends in common. I found out he was cheating on me through sexts on his mac he left open while he was in the shower. I freaked out and I threw his stuff out of MY apartment (he was living there 'temporarily' until he could find a job). I wanted to be alone to figure my life out so I turned off my phone so he couldn't contact me and took off work for a couple days.
After mentally recuperating, I turn on my phone to some mutual friends calling me a b*tch and I'm blocking you! etc. I find out that he had told them I threw him out of OUR apartment because he was talking to his sister and I thought he was cheating. He said I made him homeless. They believed him because I never responded to the accusations because my phone was off! So now they think I'm super jealous and I was crazy because I made him 'homeless' (his parents live 45 min away, he started living with them).
Luckily some people believed me, but for the most part, a lot of those mutual friends took his side. This happened six months ago and I still am getting flak for it. Too bad I never took screenshots of the sexts
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137points
#8
Crazy ex gf. Whatever he tells people about me is probably true. My depression/anxiety disorders were out of control. I wasn't on the right meds and I acted crazy the entire relationship. I don't think he knew how to handle it and that's not his fault. I didn't even know how to handle it. 4 years later I'm married now, and not a crazy wife. Everything is under control.
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131points
#9
I had a terrible birthday that year. My moms had a positive biopsy, the cancer had spread, and at that it looked super high risk. There was drama at work, where I had to perform layoffs on some long term employees. I texted him about it. He texted me back to make sure I was going to be home that night, and that he was then at my apartment. I thought maybe he was going to surprise me with dinner or something.
I come home and he had been watching my tv (his cable was off) and left fast food wrappers all over my couch. I was miserable and planned to take a bath and get drunk. Next thing you know, his son is at the door. My ex had dropped him off, expecting me to babysit overnight while he went to Hooters with friends. He refused to answer his phone. When he did, he said he didn't see the big deal, as I said I would be home.
His version? I broke up with him because he didn't get me a birthday present, and I was too materialistic.
Edit: Actually, everything he accused me of doing was pretty twisted. He constantly was telling his son to disregard anything I said, that I wasn't his mother. Yet he expected me to babysit even though the son was then uncontrollable. Earlier in the relationship, the son was playing with a super ball and was popping it in and out of his mouth. I told him it was dangerous. My ex was in the other room, didn't know what his kid was doing and said not to listen to me. The kid started showing off more and aspirated the ball. My ex freaked out was trying to fish it out with his fingers but it was down the kids throat pretty far and the kid wasn't breathing at all. I flipped the son over and did the kiddie Heinrich maneuver, ball popped right out and the son started breathing again.
But I had bruised the kid in the process of doing the maneuver. My ex took pictures and whenever we fought he threatened to call the police for assault charges. Afterwards, he would tell the kid that I would hurt him again and how "mean" I was. He still expected me to watch his son regularly though.
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123points
“Men with toxic masculinity usually have negative views towards women's rights (including their rights to the freedom of their own sexuality) and they tend to be homophobic,” the psychotherapist shared.
“A man with healthy masculinity is the opposite to these traits: someone who is self-reflective, embraces their emotions including sadness, anxiety and crying, a man who isn't afraid of their own femininity and believes that women are equal, and therefore are very clear about respecting boundaries and consent with women,” he said.
#10
He was actually beating me and regularly r*ping me. He was constantly insulting me, grabbing me roughly, and essentially holding me hostage. Of course, he made everyone think I was actually f*cking nuts because I was always crying and trying to run away from him.
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104points
#11
In October of last year I had a miscarriage. I cried for the first 2 nights and on the third one my boyfriend said it was time to start getting over it. Here I am thinking were in the same boat and seeing him as my strength to only hear him say "Get over it". Gawd it destroyed me. He said it was because he didn't want to face it and seeing me like that was a constant reminder but I truly lost so much respect for him after that
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103points
#12
The f*cker had about 1000.00 worth of my Blu Rays in his place, and I'll be damned if I wasn't going to blow up his phone numerous times a day until he f*cking answered and gave them back to me.
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101points
For psychotherapist Silva, healthy masculinity means embracing “gender, sex, and relationship diversities including gay men and transgender people.” He said: “Someone who is comfortable with their opinions to be challenged and able to have debates.”
#13
He was addicted to heroin for years and THAT'S why I was blowing up his phone constantly. I never told anyone what was going on with him but if he wasn't where he said he was he most likely had a needle in his arm. Back before he got sober he let people think that I was just obsessive when in actuality I was legitimately worried about him. Doesn't really matter now, we don't talk to any of those people anymore but my reputation still stands.
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100points
#14
I had an undiagnosed mental disorder and didn't understand how to handle emotions appropriately.
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96points
#15
Accused my boyfriend in high school of having an emotional affair with his best friend that was a girl, it made me uncomfortable when they were alone together or when he would constantly talk about her. For instance he told her how beautiful she was at prom and never commented on my dress. His guy friend, who is still a close friend of mine to this day, ended up pretty much being my date while he hung out with this chick. A lot of his guy friends told me I was just jealous and irrational. I broke up with him feeling like the crazy girlfriend. Fast forward four years and me and my guy friend were talking and he said that this ex boyfriend of mine almost had a restraining order from his former best friend that was a girl. Turns out he was in love with her for years and she led him on big time and would tease him and use him as a tool to make herself feel better when she needed a confidence boost pretty much. He ended up constantly badgering her about how much he loved her to the point of getting drunk and showing up at her house, facebook stalking her etc. and she had to completely cut him out of her life because it was freaking her out. Turns out he was the crazy one and he was cheating on me.
Now if I get that feeling I just end the relationship right then and there. Not dealing with that sh*t again.
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90points
The expert sees toxic masculinity as dangerous. “Those men can be emotionally abusive and/or physically violent and sexually violent to women,” he warned.
“They can also be aggressive to gay people. They perpetuate toxic messages of masculinity so toxic masculinity is usually passed down to their children and peers maintaining the problems. “Toxic masculinity also harms the men themselves because repressing their own emotions so much can lead to mental health issues, depression, and even suicide. Toxic masculinity harms everybody.”
#16
Met this guy over the Internet. We met, slept together a few times. Told me about an ex of his who was so unhygienic that she would not use anything on the first full day of her period, and barely changed her tampons. HE told ME that she has HPV. I went and got tested, gyno said I had four abnormal cells. I told the guy.
He flipped it on me, said I must've been the one to give it to her (even though she had full HPV), and broke things off with me. Then called me a crazy b*tch when I called to scream at him for being such an assh*le.
He married her. Ick.
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88points
#17
Years ago, I met a guy. It was an instant attraction (for me) and for a time, him too. Things were pretty intense and then for some inexplicable reason he faded on me.
This was all over the course of three years.
It literally drove me crazy when he faded on me. I couldn't understand why. I was so invested emotionally, just being near him made my body react. Everything just felt right when I was around him.
So when it turned out he wasn't feeling the same, I couldn't understand it.
I was hurt, so, so hurt, and angry and not knowing why sent me into a really weird headspace. I became obsessed.
I never blew up his phone or anything like that. Instead, I'd try to time things and be places I knew he'd be.
When I heard from a mutual friend about an ex gf of his, I got really jealous and paranoid. Was he seeing her again? WHy? Why her not me? What was wrong with me?
So I became obsessed with her too and this is where things got weird.
I began doing drive bys on both their houses. If I saw his car at her house I'd drive around and around until he'd leave.
I'd check to see when he was last logged on to facebook (seriously, that last online timestamp feature is a full stalker tool), I'd try to work out if they were having sex by the amount of times he logged on.
Before long though, instead of driving by, I began wearing a disguise and walking by her house. I never went to his, just hers when he was there.
The pain I'd feel in my chest when I saw his car there was unbearable. I HAD to know what they were doing. Why her not me?
I escalated to crawling along in bushes outside her house in my ridiculous disguise to try and hear what they were talking about.
I heard them having sex a few times. It was sick and creepy and I really f*cking hate that I know any of that.
My behaviour got even worse and I did a few other things I won't write here.
Eventually, I began lurking around outside his house. Long story short, he came right out and confronted me one night, while in "disguise". He said my name, but instead of seeming angry or weirded out, he just laughed.
I stopped all my silly antics after that, but f*ck, why did I do it? I don't know myself. The worst part was that during all these lonely sad nights I spent doing this, I knew it was crazy and weird. But I still did it.
During the time I was in treatment for suicide attempts and BPD but I still carried on like a weirdo. I never told my therapists about him or her or what I was doing.
I wish I had the excuse that I was super crazy and was hearing voices or blacking out, but I made a choice. I hated doing it so much, but I still did and I'm a seemingly normal, well educated person.
It's been a few years now, and thinking about it now... it's like it was someone else. Why did I do that? Will I do it again? Why did I get weird about him and no one else?
I don't know...
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88points
#18
He began stealing alcohol from our roommate (we were underage and couldn't buy it). He'd get trashed by himself and I'd have to help him to bed. Once he reached 21, he'd just get drunk and not come home. He moved onto other things, like smoking cigarettes and weed, then onto cocaine and adderall. I'm not against experimenting, but I was terrified because I cared about him and he took everything to extremes. He told me I wasn't fun. I didn't know how to party. He said my job wasn't stressful and that he needed these things. Whenever he was too tired to go out, he'd tell his friends and family that I said he couldn't go.
I figured this was a phase, and I tried to ignore it but I'd always end up venting my frustration. I was heavily invested in college and getting a job I liked, whereas he dropped out and essentially scammed people for a living. I was so angry that he didn't care about building a good career and getting an education. I drifted away from him because we had nothing in common. I tried to break up with him so many times and he'd threaten to kill himself and swore he'd stop drinking/doing cocaine/get a job, etc. It's a long story but I haven't talked to him in two years and his family firmly believes I'm f*cking insane and that he's a victim who's still going through a youthful phase (he's 27 now).
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84points
#19
I must be the crazy ex-wife. Every one of my ex-husband's exes were "crazy b*tches" so I'm probably no exception.
My ex-husband, Jon, was a complete a**hat. Is a complete a**hat. He was controlling, terrifying, and abusive, both emotionally, verbally, and physically. When I was pregnant with our son, he yelled at me over a f*cking mistake he made at work; I was panicking so badly I ended up in the hospital with false contractions.
The first time he hit me was three days after our honeymoon. I spent too much money on groceries.
It went on like that for the next year. He threatened to kill me, kill himself, kill his son (my stepson), kill our son, hurt our animals, etc. I weighed 78 lbs (while being 4 foot 10 inches in height) when I left him in December 2014.
When he hit me on our first anniversary (because I had asked him to maybe, you know, not invite his friends over to smoke meth on our anniversary), I told him if he did it again, I was going to leave.
He broke three of my ribs on December 10th, 2014, by pushing me over into the coffee table; he wanted my phone, and I didn't want him to have it. He then proceeded to ransack the house, and steal my medication (antibiotics and painkillers from a root canal), and took my phone away before going to work.
I sold my wedding ring at the pawn shop; I was hoping to stick it out for another week, just so I could go to Key West, FL with my grandmother and have one f*cking week where I wouldn't have to be a wife, a mom, or a f*cking victim. The money I got from my ring I gave to him; his logic had been "I bought the phone to give to you as a present, so it's mine and you have no right to privacy". So I paid him. "It's my phone, now, and you can't take it away" is what I said (I think?)
Three days later, I'm working at my dad's house with my son (who wasn't even 18 months old yet), so I could make sure there would be groceries for the family while I was gone. It was Jon's day off, and he spent it snorting morphine, and nodding off. He called me.
"Why are you never home on my days off your f*cking c*nt?"
My reply:
"I really don't feel like being around you."
His reply:
"Good, don't come back."
Me:
"Okay."
Hung up, got a hotel room, got an order of protection, filed for divorce, skipped going to Key West. Thankfully, my son was with ME, and I had snuck out two giant bags of clothes and stuff to my mom's house a few weeks prior.
I never cheated on him, despite his constant accusations. The f*cking assh*le spent more money on a lawyer to try and keep my son away from me than he did on his children's healthcare.
He stalked me for almost a year. He threatened to kill my current boyfriend. He's doing everything he can to take my son away from me.
F*ck you Jon.
tl;dr: exhusband was abusive; accused me of cheating; I left after he broke three of my ribs. He stalked me for a year.
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81points
#20
I was meeting his friends for the first time. We all went out and then came back to his house for drinks. I'm talking to his friends getting to know them and be social. He's upstairs and talking to another friend. Girl walks in and goes up stairs I think nothing of it until his friend comes down and I'm being directed elsewhere.
I realize they're trying to distract me and of course since I'd been drinking everything was a lot bigger of a deal. I throw a fit and go and knock at the LOCKED door and might've start screaming because what else was I supposed to do when he guy your seeing is in a locked room with a pretty girl? I'm humiliated, can't be talked down and am alone cause they're all his friends. Screaming, crying and the like.
So that's how I became the crazy one.
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72points