Some relationships inevitably fail. And it’s only natural to question why. Was it something internal such as the couple having poor communication, different priorities, or a lack of respect for one another? Or was the reason entirely different and out of their control?
One of the external factors that can put an end to a relationship is a person outside of it.
Redditor Heyjalapeno was specifically curious about this, so she started an online discussion with the question “Couples who have broken up because of a third person that did not involve cheating, what happened?” Below you’ll find the most popular answers from people who had their relationships ruined in the most uncanny of ways.
While you’re scrolling through, don’t forget to check out a conversation we had with Heyjalapeno, who kindly agreed to tell us what inspired her to start this interesting debate.
Image credits: heyjalapeno
#1
Sometimes the third person is a pet. Someone wanted me to get rid of my cat and I said, “Door’s over there."
288points
#2
Teenage girlfriend. She would constantly talk about her best friend and how great he is. She was genuinely in love with him but wouldn't admit it. So I asked him what he thought about her and he was also in love with my girlfriend. so I went to my girlfriend the next day and broke up and had a little fight over it. I told her all about how i know she is in love with her best friend but is too afraid to ask him out because she fears he doesn't reciprocate and doesn't want to ruin the friendship. Then I told her that he is also in love with her and feared the same thing. That was 15 years ago today and I know they're still together. I'm happy for them.
261points
#3
My ex's mom hated me. I'd just turned 18 and never had a relationship before. He was my first everything. I'd shyly told his mom that he was my first boyfriend when I met her over dinner 3 months into our relationship. I had a cut on my lip that night because it was winter and my lips had gotten dry, and she pulled my ex aside to ask if we were using protection because she assumed it was a herpes sore.
Another time at dinner we had chips and salsa. I dipped a chip, took a bite off it, and then was gesturing with the chip while I spoke, and she interrupted me to say "Don't you dare double dip that chip" out of nowhere.
She and her husband owned a million+ dollar home in the rich neighborhood of a major city. My parents made 20k/year combined. She didn't think much of my prospects, clearly.
Joke's on her. My ex is now 40 and still works as a waiter. His wife is an exotic dancer. I make six figures.
160points
Bored Panda reached out to Heyjalapeno who was pleasantly surprised to see her question attracting so many interested people. When asked what inspired her to start this kind of discussion, she said that it was sparked by a conversation she had with a friend who at the time was dating a guy from a different religion. Because of the couple’s differences in faith, marriage for them was quite impossible.
Heyjalapeno shared that “Marrying outside of your religion isn't very common in the South Asian community, and more often than not, it's the parents who present the staunchest opposition for the same. She is going to end her relationship with her boyfriend and marry a man from her community. I just wanted to know if people all over the world have had their relationship broken because of a third person that didn't involve cheating and I was surprised. The answers to my question were like a nightmare come to life.”
#4
There's a reason you never date a momma's boy. You will never, ever win in that scenario.
159points
#5
I had a boyfriend who was extremely insecure. His bros kept telling him he could do better than me because I was not conventionally attractive. He dropped me on their advice. I guess he found out he was not the chick magnet he thought he was. He begged me to take him back but I said I didn't want anyone who was so easily led and flakey. This was a 35 year old man.
148points
#6
Interracial relationship. Her mom was very against it. Didn't know this early on. Became a big issue. Broke up over it for almost two years. Been back together 12.5 years and married for 4.5 years.
132points
Having seen this firsthand and having read so many similar stories from fellow redditors, she firmly believes that a healthy relationship can definitely end because of a third person.
“As much as we want to believe that communication and understanding solves everything, real life does not work that way. Sometimes it's your religion, your friends, your family, or even your pet that can undo a relationship: you reach a place that only goes two ways. That being said, I truly believe a healthy relationship cannot be ruined by a third person but it can end because of one: those two aren't the same thing according to me.”
#7
Her son (he was 9), he was a brat and would bully other kids. We went to a birthday party and he punched another kid and I got mad at him and made him sit with me the rest of the party. Well his mom lost her s**t and told me im not allowed to discipline his son and that im not his father. I broke up with her right there and glad I did, her kid ended up in juvy for stabbing someone.
119points
#8
Single co-workers.
We married young, 2 kids by 23 years of age. I was working 55-60 hrs a week, her only friends were her 4 co-workers who were single and in their early 20's also. A once a week girls night out became 2 nights, then happy hours added, then a girls weekend...became a toxic pattern. She stopped talking to her parents who saw it developing as well.
She left when our kids were 4 & 6 years of age, packed her stuff and moved in w/ one of her co-workers.
She left when our kids were 4 & 6 years of age, packed her stuff and moved in w/ one of her co-workers.
Once the kids got into high school, she suddenly wanted to be involved with them.
112points
#9
This happened this week. My now ex (that hurts) boyfriend just started therapy a few months ago at my urging. The therapist helped him realize he wasn’t happy and that he was being dishonest to me by not breaking up. I’m grateful to the therapist for helping him in many ways, but man it hurts the most when there isn’t any major drama, just two people who care very much about each other realizing they aren’t compatible.
105points
Something evident from the people contributing to this discussion was that often opinions or advice from others can impede a relationship. Our interviewee sees both sides to it.
“It's such a double-edged sword getting relationship advice from strangers. On one hand, you get a third-person perspective about your relationship; on the other, it can make you think something is wrong with your relationship even when there isn't. I, however, believe that the only reason you'd look for a third person's perspective (mostly from an anonymous and unbiased jury) is when you already know your relationship isn't what you want it to be.”
#10
Not just a third person but a whole friend group. They knew everything about me, even though I didn't share much about myself.
We had an argument? They knew. I was out with friends? They knew. I was on my period? They knew. I had a bad day at work? They knew. Sex life, or lack of? (We had only dated a few weeks) They knew.
They would start showing up at my usual hangouts to "keep an eye on things" because they didn't like that my friend group was co-ed. I would be downtown and happen to "run into" them. I would be at work and see them walking by multiple times a day.
I understand sharing things with your friends, but there's a line. When your friends are just as involved in the relationship as your SO, it causes issues fast. Take a clingy boyfriend, multiply that by 6, and it's terrifying.
101points
#11
30 year old partner of 8 years joined a band with some 20 year olds. They convinced him that they will never get “big” if they have long term partners holding them back.
20 years later, still not big. Never made it as a musician.
100points
#12
His mother. She was so overbearing I felt like I was dating her too. He and I weren't together long. I saw where it was going and bailed early.
94points
#13
My soon to be ex husband wouldn't stop accusing me of cheating on him with my best friend. We are both female and have never done anything to cause him to think that. He seems to think I'm divorcing him because he was right and I must have cheated. Absolutely delusional.
92points
#14
My therapist after many sessions just looked at me and said that every issue in my life is related to my wife and she, the wife, has said she will not change. You work it out. Was a lightbulb moment.
92points
#15
That was some ages ago, but I was dating a new person after a rough breakup.
A few months later, I got tipped that my ex girlfriend was having an ongoing mental health crisis. I notified my new girlfriend I was going to help - yeah, I was angry at her, for sure, but that doesn't mean I'm going to sit and do nothing if she's in trouble.
The plan was just to get her off the street and make sure she gets appropriate psychiatric care. Nothing else. She didn't even have to talk to me.
My new girlfriend was furious, and gave me an ultimatum: if I get involved helping my ex, she's out.
I chose sending my ex to rehab. I stand by that choice. This is how I work. If it bothered her so much, we were clearly not a good match.
90points
#16
Obviously many things leading up to all of which involved me not being a priority. But the last straw:
His sister announced her pregnancy during our engagement party. He gave her the green light to avoid ‘her getting mad at me.’ Engagement was over.
80points
#17
My cousin broke up with her boyfriend of many many years because he became a far right conspiracy nut so I guess you could blame Alex Jones or Joe Rogan for that.
79points
#18
Does a child count?
I was in a long term (gay) relationship for six years. From the beginning we were both adamantly child-free, not wanting to adopt, go through surrogacy or foster parent. AT ALL.
I moved across the country to follow this person’s job (he’s a foreign diplomat) and even had to spend two years in their home country between diplomatic assignments.
Fast forward to last year and we’re talking about getting married so they can stay here in the states when the current assignment is up, and find a job in the private sector. Then his father starts in with the whole, “I want to continue the family name, you need to have a child,” c**p. We both said no, thank you. Then his dad comes back with, “I will pay for surrogacy and childcare / college.” My spouse then changes his mind, thinking a kid might not be so bad, not listening to what I want at all.
Spouse flies to another state three times to jizz in a cup for the surrogate, I pack my bags the third time and move out.
78points
#19
I gave a negative review of "Rock of Ages" starring Tom Cruise.
I used to gig movie reviews back in the day and my ex's best friend was obsessed with Tom Cruise. I made a critical comment of him and it ignited a fury in her. She told the girl I was seeing it was either me or her - if she was going to date someone who hated Tom Cruise then she wouldn't be her friend anymore. She chose her friend.
No this wasn't high school.
76points
#20
I once dated a guy who was more in love with his video games than me. Does that count as a third person?
71points