Many marriages face difficulties due to poor relationships with in-laws. Fortunately, these challenges can be overcome if the couple supports each other and sets boundaries. However, if a partner feels unsupported when encountering issues with the spouse's family, it can negatively affect the marriage and sometimes even put an end to it.
Just like it happened to this couple, where the woman was constantly berated by her mother-in-law, but her husband would do nothing about it. After 10 years, such behavior finally pushed the wife to file for divorce, but even after that, they didn’t leave her alone and aimed to ruin her life.
A poor relationship with in-laws can even put an end to a marriage
Image credits: Brock Wegner (not the actual photo)
As it happened to this couple because the wife could no longer bear her mother-in-law
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Nima Motaghian Nejad (not the actual photo)
Image source: OppositeLeopard
Unhelpful behavior from a mother-in-law can put a lot of stress on a marriage
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Quite a significant number of relationships and marriages fail because of the spouse’s family, especially because of difficult mothers-in-law. Experts explain that relationships with these family members are challenging in particular because they’re used to having an authoritative role, doing all the caretaking and decision-making, which changes when a new spouse enters the picture.
The loss of control may create "conflict and discord when another individual joins the family and has their own traditions and a separate family influence," said licensed psychotherapist Elizabeth Fedrick. Some mothers might also become anxious or worried about losing their time with their child or family dynamics changing after they get married, so their fears might push them to exhibit controlling, opinionated, or inflexible behavior.
Furthermore, mothers-in-law may feel like they ‘know best’ and therefore assert their opinion during times when it’s not welcome. Even though in the moment, they think they’re helping, such behavior is often received as intrusive and offensive, and hence isn’t always helpful, Fedrick said.
Such unhelpful behavior can put additional stress on the couple, who likely have a lot on their plate already.
“Partners have named increased stress and anxiety, strains on communication, less satisfaction in the marriage, feeling like loyalty is divided—especially when a partner feels torn between their partner and their family of origin—less emotional and physical intimacy, and mental health concerns,” licensed clinical psychologist Melissa Robinson-Brown said.
Mothers should take a step back after their children get married
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Even though some partners have a difficult relationship with their mothers-in-law, this family member still should have a place in their children’s lives and even their marriage, but with some limitations, said Fedrick.
"Mothers-in-law should certainly have a place in their child's life, even after they get married. They should even have a place in their child's marriage as a loving and encouraging support for their child and their child's spouse,” she said.
"However, a mother-in-law should not have a 'role' in their child's marriage in terms of being given authority or the ability to make or influence decisions about their child's family dynamics."
Jennifer Kelman, a family therapist, licensed clinical social worker (LCSW), and relationship expert, suggested that a mother-in-law should accept the fact that the relationship with their child has changed since they got married and should take a step back and avoid involving themselves in their marriage, because if they do, it all can become heated very quickly.
"That doesn't mean they still can't have a wonderful and connected relationship, but things do shift, and if the mother-in-law can accept that shift, then things can go smoothly," Kelman said. "It is hard to step back, but it is a must for the health of all relationships."
Commenters praised how the woman handled things and suggested what she could do next
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Later, the woman came back with an update, which revealed that her ex wanted to take her daughter out of the country
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Image source: OppositeLeopard
Commenters were dumbstruck to hear about the potential parental kidnapping
Image credits: Ali Mkumbwa (not the actual photo)
Finally, the woman shared the last update
Image credits: Amit Ovadia (not the actual photo)
Image source: OppositeLeopard
Commenters were glad to receive the good news
Some people from the BORU community also shared their insights
