Couple Uninvites A Guest From Their Wedding After Reading His Facebook Posts, Divides People's Opinions

Wedding etiquette can be a tough nut to crack, a difficult maze to navigate, and far from a piece of (delicious three-tiered wedding) cake. Knowing how to behave when problems arise can let you avoid a lot of stress before your big day. However, some situations are trickier than the rest.

Case in point, redditor Quackers4Crackers shared how she and her fiancé uninvited a religious guest because of his intolerant, “aggressive,” and “cruel” posts on Facebook about progressive issues like LGBTQ+ rights. What’s more, the redditor explained that this particular guest also routinely posts anti-vaxx and Covid conspiracy theories online, even though he’s perfectly polite in person.

However, she felt guilty about uninviting him and wanted to get the internet’s opinion about whether she made the correct decision to tell him he can no longer come by sending him a message. Have a read through the full story posted on the AITA subreddit, think about what you would have done in this particular situation, and share your thoughts and opinions in the comments, dear Pandas.

Uninviting a guest—any guest—can be emotionally taxing. Bored Panda reached out to Anna and Sarah from The Wedding Society to get their take on how to break the news. They explained that how you let someone know that they won't be coming to your wedding anymore, whether in person, by phone, or via online messaging, depends on how comfortable you are with confrontation.

"Sometimes, writing things out makes it easier to say exactly what you want in the way you plan to say it. Others feel better having a personal chat over the phone. Just do what is going to help you be as authentic, diplomatic and kind as possible. You also need to expect that there will be some upset, and you need to greet that with acceptance and compassion. If you're making the decision to uninvite a guest, you need to be ok with handling the consequences of that," Anna and Sarah from The Wedding Society told Bored Panda how to tackle uninvitations.

They also suggest that you try and be honest and frame things in such a way that things seem like they turned out for the best for everyone involved. "There's no real way to get around the pain of uninviting or being uninvited to a wedding. The only thing that eases the sting is making it as kind as possible and trying to see your situation from the other person's perspective. Try to frame it like you're doing the best thing for both parties, such as saying, 'I feel like you'd want to be aligned with people who have the same values as you, and I don't think we're those people.' Just don't be dishonest. It's better to give no reason than lying for the sake of an excuse. Everyone deserves honesty."

Even though most of the AITA community agreed that Quackers4Crackers did the right thing, far from every redditor was on her side. Some criticized the bride-to-be for lacking the courage to call the guest and having a mature conversation about the situation.

Meanwhile, others pointed out that the redditor herself stated that the guest was always polite and non-aggressive in person.

Uninviting someone from a wedding can be a harrowing experience. Odds are, you’ll feel guilty and embarrassed. After all, it’s tough telling someone that they’re no longer wanted at your special celebration.

The Knot highlights the simple truth that prevention is the best cure: if you’re mindful about your guest list from the very start, it’ll be far less likely that you’ll then have to disinvite someone. After all, it’s far easier emotionally (if not financially!) to add to your guest list than to subtract from it.

“When creating your guest list, think long and hard about whom you choose to include. If budget restrictions or venue capacity are the reason you're tempted to downsize your headcount, it's perfectly okay to create an A list and a B list of guests. Much better to use this strategy than to overshoot on invites and have to revoke them later,” The Knot explains.

Something else to keep in mind before disinviting someone is the fallout. Think about how this will affect not only your relationship but also the entire atmosphere surrounding your wedding. Of course, it’s your special day and everything is supposed to go according to your plan, but sometimes compromises are necessary for long-term stability, so grinning and bearing things is also a viable strategy.

However, if you do go down the uninvitation route, then it’s best to be very mature about it and talk it out in detail, looking for a resolution. What this means is having a face-to-face conversation if possible. Giving them a call is the second-best option