Considering that the average wedding costs $33,000 nowadays, it’s understandable that couples will do everything in their power to cut costs. That might mean hosting the ceremony in their own backyard, having a courthouse wedding then throwing a party that evening or choosing to wait a year before going on their honeymoon.
But is it fair for the happy couple to expect wedding guests to pay just to attend the event? One bride reached out to the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit wondering if she was wrong for making guests pay a $10 entrance fee to reach her wedding, and readers were quick to share their thoughts. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as a conversation with international wedding planner Valentina Ring.
Many couples look to cut costs any way they can when wedding planning
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska / pexels (not the actual photo)
But when this bride shared plans to make guests pay an entrance fee on her big day, her sister immediately opposed
Image credits: Sonyachny / envato (not the actual photo)
Later, the bride added some additional details about the situation
Image credits: Double_Ad6415
"There are so many breathtaking locations around the world which are public, require no fee, and are perfectly suitable for intimate wedding ceremonies"
Image credits: Lauren Rader / unsplash (not the actual photo)
To gain more insight on this situation from a wedding expert, we reached out to international event planner and owner of The Stars Inside, Valentina Ring. Valentina was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss how couples can go about asking their guests to help cover costs while still being respectful.
The expert says that she has not personally worked with a client or venue that has required something like this of guests, but that doesn't mean it never happens. "Every wedding and every couple's circumstances are completely unique, and, in my opinion, there is no set rulebook of what is right and wrong, and every couple has the right to make plans their way without fear of judgement," she explained.
"With that said, I do think a mindful balance can be found where both the couple's vision can be honored, AND the guest experience can be safeguarded," Valentina added. "If I were supporting a couple in planning a wedding in a venue that required an entrance fee, I would encourage them – from the very outset – to treat these fees as a key element to which to allocate budget. This is exactly the kind of thing that I believe should be prioritized if the couple wants to host a seamless celebration, and matters so much more than stylistic details or other aesthetic expenses."
The expert also noted that the venue hire fee (which in this case, is effectively the entrance fee multiplied by the number of guests) is the very first thing to look at when deciding if a location is suitable for a couple.
"If, in order to marry there, they need to pass on these costs to their guests – and thus risk creating tension with friends and family or risk putting themselves in a difficult situation – I would personally advise them to continue their venue search until a more optimal solution is found, particularly as I know there are so many breathtaking locations around the world which are public, require no fee, and are perfectly suitable for intimate wedding ceremonies and elopements," Valentina added.
"It can be a huge emotional and financial burden for couples to feel like they should be paying for all of their guests' expenses"
Image credits: Jp Valery / unsplash (not the actual photo)
"Staying true to one's values, budget, and priorities is, of course, essential to having a happy wedding planning experience. But, where possible, so is being considerate of your loved ones, and of how your decisions might affect your own peace of mind and your relationship with them," the expert says.
We were also curious about how much guests should be expected to pay for when attending a wedding. "Whether or not couples should pay for their guests' travel costs or accommodation expenses is a dilemma that a lot of my clients face, particularly for destination weddings," Valentina told Bored Panda.
But like most wedding planning questions, the expert says it ultimately comes down to personal circumstances and priorities. "It can be a huge emotional and financial burden for couples – especially those marrying abroad or perhaps hosting more than one event (like a welcome dinner, for example) – to feel like they should be paying for all of their guests' expenses, food and drinks over multiple days, fully cover their bedroom costs, and so on."
"This simply isn't realistic for most couples these days, and to be honest, as the approach to weddings has modernized and become more flexible over the last few decades, I believe it's become less expected and necessary for them to do so," Valentina shared.
"In my experience, supporting couples marrying all over the world, I have seen time and time again that friends and family are more than happy to cover their own accommodation, and even to contribute to peripheral elements on either side of the wedding day itself, like activities, welcome dinner costs, alcohol, and so on," she noted.
"I would suggest ensuring everything is paid ahead of time, so that there is no risk of complications or issues on the day itself"
"Guests know that weddings are costly, and that the expense of fully hosting the location, food, and drink of a wedding day scales per head with every guest on site," she added. "For destination weddings, guests know that couples have gone out of their way to pick a beautiful location that will make for some fantastic memory-making, and an opportunity for a holiday with people they love spending time with."
With all of that in mind, Valentina says it's absolutely reasonable and acceptable for couples to ask guests to cover some of their own costs, especially ones that come during the days before and after the wedding. She also added that couples can sometimes "subsidize" the costs of accommodation to make the financial burden a little lighter on those traveling.
Finally, we asked the expert if she had any advice for couples planning to marry in locations like this, where entrance fees are necessary. "I would definitely advise [couples] to try to come to a bespoke arrangement with the venue management team in order to pre-pay this ahead of time," she shared. "Even if they wish to ask guests for contributions to this, which they have every right to of course, I would still suggest ensuring everything is paid ahead of time, so that there is no risk of complications or issues on the day itself."
"And, as with all wedding planning details, to be clear is to be kind," Valentina added. "Give your guests as much notice as possible, either through some very clear wording on your invitations or detailed descriptions on your wedding website. The more you communicate with them, the more you can manage expectations and ensure that everyone is joyously on the same page when the big day comes."
Many readers agreed with the bride's sister, noting that guests shouldn't have to pay to enter a wedding venue
