Criminologists have long known that intelligence is a trait rarely found in criminals. This is good news for law enforcement, as lower levels of intellect mean they often leave their trails uncovered, making them easier to catch. Sometimes they even fall straight into police officers’ hands—that’s how idiotic some criminals can be.
We know this can be hard to believe, with the media glamorizing offenders and their almost-perfect crimes, so we compiled a list of stories from police officers about the slowest criminals they’ve encountered to prove our point. Scroll down to find them below, and don’t forget to upvote those offenders who would really benefit from a career change.
#1
Not a cop or criminal, but we had a guy break into my high school with his buddy and smash a bunch of soda machines. We had cameras all over the school but these guys were smart.
they said “nah we’re gonna cover up our faces so they don’t know who did it” and then wore letterman jackets with their names on the back.
they said “nah we’re gonna cover up our faces so they don’t know who did it” and then wore letterman jackets with their names on the back.
Report
124points
#2
Old roommate was/is a cop.
He came home to tell me an ATM was robbed (after hours) for $15,240.
The next day the man who robbed the ATM deposited $15,240 into his personal account at the bank he robbed the night prior.
He came home to tell me an ATM was robbed (after hours) for $15,240.
The next day the man who robbed the ATM deposited $15,240 into his personal account at the bank he robbed the night prior.
109points
#3
So I get a call of a beer run (shoplifting) from the local CVS. I check the area and see 2 guys matching the description. I detain them and sure enough they had a couple Coronas and some off brand whiskey. I confirm with CVS they were the suspects, the alcohol was their property, and they are desirous of prosecution. All is good, my state requires I take them to the station to book into jail and get fingerprinted, then they are issued a citation and released with a court date a couple months out.
While driving to the station I ask what they were doing stealing the alcohol. One guy says that they are only 20 and since they weren’t old enough to buy it, they just decided to steal it instead. No big deal, young people make stupid mistakes. I get to the jail, book them in and start filling out the citation. The citation requires both birthdate and age. I do the math on the birthday, and sure enough the guy is 21. Meaning he is old enough to buy alcohol. I go back into the jail and verify his birthday. Yup, same one he had listed on his drivers license. I re-do the math out loud. 21 years old. I ask “how old are you again?” He replies “20 sir.” I said “you turned 21 last month.” Again he is adamant “no I turned 20.” I just left it at that...
Tldr; Guy stole beer because he forgot his age and thought he wasn’t old enough to buy it. Went to jail because of it.
While driving to the station I ask what they were doing stealing the alcohol. One guy says that they are only 20 and since they weren’t old enough to buy it, they just decided to steal it instead. No big deal, young people make stupid mistakes. I get to the jail, book them in and start filling out the citation. The citation requires both birthdate and age. I do the math on the birthday, and sure enough the guy is 21. Meaning he is old enough to buy alcohol. I go back into the jail and verify his birthday. Yup, same one he had listed on his drivers license. I re-do the math out loud. 21 years old. I ask “how old are you again?” He replies “20 sir.” I said “you turned 21 last month.” Again he is adamant “no I turned 20.” I just left it at that...
Tldr; Guy stole beer because he forgot his age and thought he wasn’t old enough to buy it. Went to jail because of it.
Report
85points
Even though criminals have lower intellect than the population’s average, most reported offenses still remain unsolved. Despite us also having the most advanced technology to catch offenders, the clearance rate of crimes is at its lowest since at least 1993, the FBI data shows.
Many factors are contributing to this. Perhaps some of the most significant are associated with law enforcement staff. Lack of funding, decreased morale, and lack of community support are all negatively impacting the work of police officers, which hinders their effectiveness.
#4
Not a cop but my Uncle got done for armed robbery.
Cops- we know it was you we found your fingerprints on the shotgun.
Uncle - impossible, I was wearing gloves.
He got 8 years.
Cops- we know it was you we found your fingerprints on the shotgun.
Uncle - impossible, I was wearing gloves.
He got 8 years.
Report
80points
#5
So I'm sitting in the station, doing paperwork. I'm looking out of the window, and a few yards away is a bus stop. A young lad is smashing the glass of the bus stop, as a way of showing off to a couple of girls. So I sigh, walk about 20 yards over to him and arrest him.
Another time, a lad had just broken into a pharmacy and stolen some d***s. Sleeping tablets, which he started taking (maybe to hide the evidence - who knows how these people's minds work). There's a foot chase, which gets slower, and slower, and slower... I ended up just walking slowly behind him. The guy fell asleep while I was booking him in.
Another time, a lad had just broken into a pharmacy and stolen some d***s. Sleeping tablets, which he started taking (maybe to hide the evidence - who knows how these people's minds work). There's a foot chase, which gets slower, and slower, and slower... I ended up just walking slowly behind him. The guy fell asleep while I was booking him in.
Report
77points
#6
Took a vehicle burglary report where the victim found a drivers license sitting on her driver seat that the suspect must have left behind. Seems damning, but if he had any criminal smarts he would just say his license was stolen and the thief must have dropped it while breaking into this new victim’s vehicle. Without any other evidence, the case would have gone nowhere.
The next day I take a report at a church that was a couple of blocks away from the vehicle burglary. This guy stole the video cameras from the building. He must have thought the footage came with the camera, because when we checked the video, there was a High Def close-up of the suspects face as he removed the camera. Good evidence, sure, but I still didn’t know who the guy was... until I looked at the license I collected the day prior and saw it was the same exact guy.
The next day I take a report at a church that was a couple of blocks away from the vehicle burglary. This guy stole the video cameras from the building. He must have thought the footage came with the camera, because when we checked the video, there was a High Def close-up of the suspects face as he removed the camera. Good evidence, sure, but I still didn’t know who the guy was... until I looked at the license I collected the day prior and saw it was the same exact guy.
Report
75points
Another aspect that interferes with investigations is the burden of proof. “Back in the day we would stand up in court and say ‘I saw them do it,’” an officer admitted. Now the police are expected to find three types of evidence. If there isn’t CCTV, DNA, and phone forensics, judges and juries are unsatisfied and can even become suspicious.
Many modern investigations can involve up to 20 kinds of evidence. The bureaucratism that comes with it ties up police officers so badly that they have little time to solve even the most straightforward crimes.
#7
I’m a 911 Dispatcher; in Florida. Sometimes confused or drunk people knock on the wrong door or try to get into a house thinking it’s theirs, but it isn’t. It’s an honest mistake. But the homeowner is rightfully very afraid thinking they are about to be robbed or worse.
Well I had this kid, must’ve been in his early 20s call me going absolutely crazy that someone is trying to k**l him and take his property. I send units code 3 to this guy thinking it’s a burglary in progress.
Turns out the guy ordered a pizza and forgot about it. Scared the delivery guy half to death.
Well I had this kid, must’ve been in his early 20s call me going absolutely crazy that someone is trying to k**l him and take his property. I send units code 3 to this guy thinking it’s a burglary in progress.
Turns out the guy ordered a pizza and forgot about it. Scared the delivery guy half to death.
Report
74points
#8
My dad is a cop, and I remember that he called me one night and said that he wanted to tell me how glad he was that I’m not as stupid as the guy he arrested that night. An idiot high schooler was caught stealing alcohol after his fake ID was rejected. His fake ID said he was born in 2001, three years younger than he actually was. Poor guy couldn’t work out why his ID didn’t work. My dad recommended that he pay better attention in math class.
65points
#9
Not a cop but I've got a story. I already posted it to /r/storiesaboutkevin so if you've seen it before, that's where.
A little over a month ago my apartment was broken into whilst my Boyfriend was still inside. He works nights so at midday he's still fast asleep and didn't notice this guy come in and rummage around until he throws the bedroom door open, panics at seeing my BF, and runs off.
My BF looks around the apartment and find that the laptops, tablets etc are still there and he must hae run off before getting to all that, but a handful of smaller valuables such as USB's, keys, Wallets were gone. He also did a fair amount of damage rummaging around and spray-painting our walls. Also ate our biscuits.
What WAS there however, were the idiots bags.
He'd left his school rucksack containing some schoolwork, some of our possessions, his ID, some years old school papers with his parents phone numbers on it etc...
So already he's an idiot, we know who he is. The police are having a laugh with us a little later about it, and as one of them takes my BF's statement, we hear a knock at the door. I go to answer it as a friend said he was coming over anyway and I find the same guy from the ID outside my door.
He looks at me, then at the police officer behind me (still holding the bags) and asks:
"Can I have my bags back please?"
After a stunned moment, he's grabbed by the police officer and my BF confirms that this is the guy. He's arrested on the spot.
The police said it was the dumbest thing they'd ever seen, like something out of a sit-com. It made local news.
A little over a month ago my apartment was broken into whilst my Boyfriend was still inside. He works nights so at midday he's still fast asleep and didn't notice this guy come in and rummage around until he throws the bedroom door open, panics at seeing my BF, and runs off.
My BF looks around the apartment and find that the laptops, tablets etc are still there and he must hae run off before getting to all that, but a handful of smaller valuables such as USB's, keys, Wallets were gone. He also did a fair amount of damage rummaging around and spray-painting our walls. Also ate our biscuits.
What WAS there however, were the idiots bags.
He'd left his school rucksack containing some schoolwork, some of our possessions, his ID, some years old school papers with his parents phone numbers on it etc...
So already he's an idiot, we know who he is. The police are having a laugh with us a little later about it, and as one of them takes my BF's statement, we hear a knock at the door. I go to answer it as a friend said he was coming over anyway and I find the same guy from the ID outside my door.
He looks at me, then at the police officer behind me (still holding the bags) and asks:
"Can I have my bags back please?"
After a stunned moment, he's grabbed by the police officer and my BF confirms that this is the guy. He's arrested on the spot.
The police said it was the dumbest thing they'd ever seen, like something out of a sit-com. It made local news.
64points
The good news is that property-related theft has significantly reduced due to security systems that people are implementing in their homes. And that the most frequently solved crime tends to be homicide.
Other positive trends that we can see in this area are victims’ willingness to report crimes like sexual offenses and domestic abuse, which shows a societal shift towards greater justice and accountability, and can help significantly reduce various offense rates.
#10
I enforce municipal by law. I was once writing a ticket for a blatant fire route violation. Blocking emergency access to a large building, within 10m of a fire safety system . Anyway the guy said hey are you a cop? I said no in writing a ticket for this fire route violation. So the guy said oh ok good I have a warrant out for my arrest and I thought it was about that. So I said nope just giving you a fire route ticket. Then I phoned the police lol.
Report
62points
#11
From the local newspaper....
Two young men in a pick up truck on a back road stopped a courting Amish couple in a buggy, and told the couple to give them all of their money.
Spoiler - the Amish don't generally have money.
They do have good memories, though, and told the cops the license plate number.
The inept criminals were locals, too, and should have known better than to try and rob the Amish.
Two young men in a pick up truck on a back road stopped a courting Amish couple in a buggy, and told the couple to give them all of their money.
Spoiler - the Amish don't generally have money.
They do have good memories, though, and told the cops the license plate number.
The inept criminals were locals, too, and should have known better than to try and rob the Amish.
Report
59points
#12
Not me but my buddy is a cop and told me about this one kid in particular he dealt with for years. No cleverness to him, numerous times he walked into his neighbors garage in broad daylight and just stole his bike. Constantly stole from stores in plain view, even the occasional minor a*****t or burglary . He always got caught. Like had never gotten away with any of his hundreds of crimes but because he was a minor there were never any real repercussions. A few days before he turned 18 my friend and another officer went to his house to basically remind him that if he does anything after that he will face real punishment as an adult and he’ll get zero breaks. Like a last ditch effort to be helpful. Two days after his 18th birthday he’s caught committing an armed robbery. Pretty sure he’s doing a few decades behind bars.
57points
#13
Everyday I see a big black SUV with Sheriff written on the side parked in the driveway across the street, I don't know if the guy *is* the sheriff or works for the sheriff but one night I wake up to a dozen sirens outside. Turns out some idiot tried breaking into sheriff dudes house while he was home and his vehicle was right freaking there.
Report
56points
#14
My dad is a cop and he was interrogating a robber which was denying he had any involvement since the start.
Dad: "The Man told us that you robbed him of $500!"
Robber: "No it was only $300!"
He basically gave himself away.
Dad: "The Man told us that you robbed him of $500!"
Robber: "No it was only $300!"
He basically gave himself away.
54points
#15
Not a cop, but worked at a 7-Eleven in a rough part of Chicago. Had two guys come in and ask for 2 bottles of Grey Goose. I asked for their ID’s, they handed them over, and I grabbed the two bottles from behind the counter to ring them up. They proceeded to grab the bottles and book it out of there, leaving their ID’s on the counter. I called the police, they came in asking for a description of the thieves and I handed them the ID’s. Cops were in disbelief at the stupidity, left and went to the address on one of the ID’s that was about 2 blocks away. About 15 minutes later they walked in with the two guys and bottles of Grey Goose (poor guys didn’t even have a chance to open them). I confirmed it was them, didn’t press charges, took the bottles of Grey Goose back and went on with my overnight shift.
Report
52points
#16
She called us to get her keys she locked inside her car.
Opened the door and instantly smelt w**d. Unregistered handgun was in the side panel of the door and she had a warrant out for her arrest.
Opened the door and instantly smelt w**d. Unregistered handgun was in the side panel of the door and she had a warrant out for her arrest.
Report
49points
#17
Not a cop; but a security guard at a large casino.
This woman flags me down and tells me she left 3,000 dollars in a machine, and went to the bathroom. Someone took the ticket, and cashed out. After some investigating, we find that there were three guys, but one dude, in a super obnoxious CA Flag shirt with a matching CA flag hat kept all the money. We put out a BOLO on the guy; hoping maybe we’d find him based on his face and physical descriptors.
The next day, I clock in, and start walking around. I’m cruising through a slot section, and I’ll be damned, this dude is sitting there in the exact same outfit, with exactly 2k in his pocket and 1k in the machine. I couldn’t believe it. Called for backup, detained the guy, the police came and arrested him. Easily the dumbest criminal I’ve met. The dude was genuinely surprised that we found him.
This woman flags me down and tells me she left 3,000 dollars in a machine, and went to the bathroom. Someone took the ticket, and cashed out. After some investigating, we find that there were three guys, but one dude, in a super obnoxious CA Flag shirt with a matching CA flag hat kept all the money. We put out a BOLO on the guy; hoping maybe we’d find him based on his face and physical descriptors.
The next day, I clock in, and start walking around. I’m cruising through a slot section, and I’ll be damned, this dude is sitting there in the exact same outfit, with exactly 2k in his pocket and 1k in the machine. I couldn’t believe it. Called for backup, detained the guy, the police came and arrested him. Easily the dumbest criminal I’ve met. The dude was genuinely surprised that we found him.
42points
#18
Not a cop but I work in a prison. One inmate that was charged with fleeing from police told me that he couldn't believe "running from the cops" was a chargeable offense.
Report
39points
#19
Had an idiot go speeding past our building at 85 in a 30. We were in the middle of shift change and there were a dozen of us milling around out front. So of course everyone wanted to pull the guy over. Two patrols take off after him, and pull him over.
Moron was one of us from another shift, though we would not stop him. They threw the book at him and he was surprised the whole time.
Moron was one of us from another shift, though we would not stop him. They threw the book at him and he was surprised the whole time.
39points
#20
Guy committed a commercial break and enter. He used a hacksaw to cut a hole in the roof. He actually had to cut 2 holes as the first hole went into a stairwell, but the second accessed the office space. I guess he got hot up there doing all that cutting because he took his coat off. Once he got inside dropping to the floor he couldn't get back up. Ran out the back door setting off alarms. I found his identification in his coat pocket. He was well known to us. Pretty dumb but most that get caught are.
39points