30 Ideas And “Tips” About Cooking That Irk People Something Fierce, As Shared In This Online Group

Most internet recipes severely underrate how long things take, i.e. water boils in 5 minutes, a pan full of sauce reduces by half in 10 minutes, chicken browns on one side in 2 or 3 minutes.... LIES! Everything takes at least twice as long usually. Rachel Ray and her "30 Minute Meals" is probably the worst offender. Decent enough recipes, but the timing is straight up fiction.

“Only cook with wine you’d drink”

No. It should be “don’t use cooking wine“

A cheap bottle of wine is all you need to cook. It don’t need to be a nice bottle for drinking.

javaavril said:
Recipes that claim onions caramelize in ten minutes.

badbakedpotato replied:
I think this might also be a function of people not understanding the difference between browning onions and caramelizing them.

JackfromShellKnob replied:
Or sweating them, which is what it probably should be called most of the time a short time is listed.

keelhaulrose replied:
I once saw "caramelize your onions, about 5-8 minutes" and my reaction was "I've seen PE classes that are sweatier than those onions are going to be in 5 minutes, let alone anything approaching caramelization".

"If you cut the root off of an onion, you wont cry"

Been cooking professionally for over ten years, this is a lie! But every single friend or family member comes up to me and says "Ohh did you know...?"

Like dude, I've had to caramelize a 50lb bag of onions. If there was a way to stop the acids forming gasses from the split onion cells, I would've researched the hell out of it and found the answer by now.

Sharp blade makes the best solution, though I have seen people soak a sliced onion in ice water. Something about the water pulling the amino acids out but then you have slippery onions and a wet mess after its all said and done.

burpeedevil said:
Add garlic first to a recipe.

mincepryshkin- replied:
I made so much of my early cooking life so much more difficult by thinking that garlic always had to go in at the start. Most of the time I was fighting for my life trying to keep garlic from burning.

Browning meat doesn’t matter (for a stew etc.). It f*****g does. Anyone who says otherwise is a w!@#e for the media.

Salting pasta water helps it cook faster. Yes, salt your pasta water- but not because it will boil or cook faster. Just because it tastes good.

"Chemicals" are bad. Everything is chemicals. That "no nitrate" bacon was marinated in concentrated celery juice, which is rich in....nitrates. No MSG, but aren't mushrooms and miso delicious? No added sugar...just a lot of boiled down grape juice. I'm not saying that adding stuff willynilly is necessarily healthful, but let's be honest about the chemical content of "no X" vs conventional foods.

[Writer's Note: technically, it does help the water come to a boil faster, but it is an insignificant change given how humans calculate time.]

RocketPawnch said:
The MSG/Chinese food headache. You eat Doritos just fine; I can see your orange fingers from here.

RobotPolarbear replied:
You're right, if you can eat Doritos just fine then MSG/Chinese food is fine for you too.

However, some people with very severe migraines do seem to be impacted by high glutamate foods. I can only eat things like Doritos and Chinese food sparingly. But Glutamate occurs naturally in things like mushrooms and Parmesan cheese too. Those foods are just as likely to give me a migraine despite being "natural".

britb5476 said:
That a cast iron pan needs to be babied and treated like a mythical creature.

JimHFD103 replied:
No dishwasher here, but we use hot water and dawn on ours just like all our other dishes, and have like this metal chainmail thing for scrubbing off stuck on food. Afterwards, rinse clean, stick back on the stove, heat, wipe any excess water off, thin coat of oil (sometimes that's a good spray of Pam lol), heat off, wipe the oil with a paper towel so the whole inside is nice and shiny and that's what we do. Based on some descriptions I've seen I'm sure that'll give some people a heart attack, but we're a fire station with multiple crews using the cast iron daily and doing that exact same process and the cast iron pans have lasted us years.

Ok-Strain-9847 said:
That 'Organic' food is better for you. Just because it says 'Organic' on the label, it is good. Unless I can actually See the process of growing and processing of the food labeled 'Organic', I aint believing you.

150603 replied:
I used to work in a place that used a chemical they called T40. It bleached your clothes if you got any on you. They then introduced Organic T40 which did exactly the same thing. It was still a chemical made of other chemicals!

"Instant" pot recipes that say you can cook something in six minutes. NO YOU F*****G CAN'T. Pressurizing that thing takes time.

pdxpmk said:
Putting oil in pasta water.

kimblem replied:
I thought this helped it not have starchy bubbles.

WonderChode replied:
I doesn't even mix unless you put an agent that helps, like in a vinaigrette when you add mustard so it gets bubbly and well mixed.

RoRoRoYourGoat replied:
I put a few drops of oil in my water, because it breaks the surface tension and keeps the pot from bubbling over. Two drops of oil in all that water won't stop the sauce from sticking. It just sits on top and drains off with the water.

cleansleight said:
Anything from 5-minute crafts, SoYummy, or any content farm in general.

LeakyLycanthrope replied:
To anyone wondering: I direct you to the YouTube channel How to Cook That to explain why.

tl;dw Not a goddamn one of them works or even could work, and many are actually dangerous. Plus all kinds of shady practices to work The Algorithm in their favor.

Authenticity. We are creative resourceful humans we borrow ideas techniques and ingredients from everyone and everywhere. It's beautiful and delicious fusion cuisine is not mutated bastardization. Acting like there is one recipe and one proper way of doing something is just snobbery and pride. "This dish is authentic" Oh yeah to who to what region to what time period? To what house or what kitchen? Your grandma's? your state region province town culture or country?

I am not claiming there isn't creativity or a first edition recipe as originally created. But recipes like art do not occur out some virgin birth in a isolated glass dome.

People look at food like currency and see it as either real or a phoney counterfeit. Either it's the fifteenth century version written by the originator or it's worthless. Penalty for counterfeiting isn't jail it's being told you are an insult to ancestors or worse a colonizer of culture and identity.

People who use authenticity like a weapon view cooking a plate of food like dog breeding repetitively inbreeding the same thing over and over again losing the original intention behind a new breed until it's so pointless and sickly is basically useless unless for show. It stagnates it dies.

Then_Restaurant_4141 said:
That an air fryer isn’t just a small convection oven.

T[a]tsAndWhiskey replied:
Huh. So that’s why my funnel cake turned out weird…

freedfg replied:
THANK YOU!

Everyone tells me "OH you gotta get an air fryer"

It's a convection oven. The only difference is the amount of energy it uses. But people treat it like it's this magic box that they make f!@#$%g everything in.

Sparcrypt replied:
They are super cool though.

I love mine because it’s so fast. Like if I’m cooking some chicken or steak and it’s a touch too thick to cook fully before burning? I don’t need to have preheated my oven 30 minutes ago, I just pop it in the air fryer for a few minutes and we’re done.

But yes they are 100% just a small countertop oven. It’s just that having a small countertop oven is SO GREAT.

That cold water boils faster.

Um no it doesn't.

Put a lid on it to make your cold water boil faster.

HaddockBranzini-II said:
That kale doesn't taste like shrubbery.

NeverSawOz replied:
It doesn't. It should have a sweet-bitter flavor. But the age-old trick is to put it in the freezer for a few days first, that activates the sugar. In the Netherlands we have a saying that kale should not be harvested until two good nights of frost. Delicious winter food with mashed potatoes and smoked sausage.

ModConMom replied:
I might be outing myself, but it sounds like you've never tasted shrubbery.

The belief that olive oil is the best oil ever and should be used in every dish no matter the cooking method or temperature.

Ugh

I'm apparently "over sensitive*" to the taste of overcooked olive oil (and other low-smoke-point oils). I can always tell if something was cooked at a high temp in olive oil. It's gross.

*my sister's words

ProGuardian13 said:
Internet recipes that call for like a quarter teaspoon of salt in a crockpot full of chili.

listen-to-my-face replied:
My mother in law’s spaghetti recipe calls for half a clove of garlic.

Half. Of a clove.

It’s maddening.

jellycrash69 replied:
Who uses half a clove of garlic for anything??? What're you gonna do with the other half? Just put the whole damn thing in.

pmags3000 said:
All Grandma's are good cooks. Mine sucked so bad she couldn't cook noodles. My great grandma, however... hot damn.

pjabrony replied:
My maternal grandmother was a terrible cook, of the "boil everything until it chews itself" school.

banjo_fandango replied:
My Grandma was a terrible chain smoker, and was very lax about tipping her ash. Some of my earliest memories are of sitting on the countertop, watching my grandma stirring the bolognese sauce, the end of her fag getting longer and longer until the ash dropped in the pan.

Bolognese & ash sauce was actually the nicest thing she made. She was a dreadful cook.