Conversation with my Saviour 09/11/1995
My mind is quiet it is still. But it is blank, there is not a spark of activity it is dull my head is cold. All I see is blankness no depression or elation no cascading thoughts. It is a relevant experience. Why should I disregard these periods? I am watching and waiting. But God is with me.
He makes me content with very little, and I have no recognition in the world. I should not demand recognition. What can I give a man that he has not already got? I am dull and lazy. God help me in my sin.
"Just read Richard read".
Can't you give it to me spiritually?
"You couldn't bear the light."
Hmm, yes you could be right, I am lazy just lazy." "No reach out for me I am still with you."
But you said I could not bear your light.
"Don't you know I will give you only as much as you can bear. I shield my glory from you. So I will not destroy you".
I am willing I think I am.
"You are not, you do not know yourself. You are not strong enough and you are not ready for my glory. You are too much in the self. I see you as you really are. You are inside looking out I am outside looking in . I see all of you. I know all about you".
God help me!
"Yes indeed"
Why are you with me? Why don't you leave me to die?
"Because you called on me once and I showed you my light. Though I have known you always. You did not know me. You humbled yourself to me, that is enough."
Are you interested in me or something?
"Yes I am. You have seen the glimmer of light which many have never seen. I will not leave you now".
How can I learn more of you and receive more of your truth?
"Read my book and uphold my name in your daily life. Always devote yourself to this and you will receive a just and fitting reward".
But others are doing well in life? What of me?
"They don't do well without me. They have received their reward. They do not love me or know me.
Your reward is yet to come. I give you this hope. Loneliness will not attract you in years to come".
Praise the Lord.
"Do well to remember my words. I have to go now to give light to some others like you and to more light you could not bear. Goodbye!"
Andrew 1995
It should have been a normal working day. But Andrew should have seen it coming. Up late as usual down to the station. Why did he have to live so far from the city? His work was so boring he hated it. But there was little he could do about it at the moment. Having received the ticket he was bought back to the present by a loud shout coming from behind him, it came from the Kiosk. The man shouted again. This reminded him of a childhood experience when his father had shouted at him while he was playing in the garden. In the same way he had come back to the present then, and for some reason all the flower heads in the patch of earth were ripped from their storks. What had he been thinking? The man beckoned him over more quietly now. Andrew walked lazily back to the Kiosk.
"Don't you remember me?" said the man.
"No" Said Andrew.
"Yes you do" The man said." Who could forget the times we had" He drew closer to Andrew and whispered with some familiarity. " There is a new job going down".
"Go away Sod Off.” said Andrew swinging around sharply. The man in the kiosk looked embarrassed and bowed his head. Andrew really could not remember him from anywhere. In the course of the next five minutes Andrew stared fixedly at the rail track. He looked round once at the kiosk. The man gave him a knowing look. He looked hurt and rejected. Andrew knew he was distracting him form his work because other passengers were waiting at the kiosk to be served.
Oh well here was the train! nice and early that’s unusual Andrew thought. From inside the train he looked back at the kiosk. The man had gone another had taken his place. Andrew liked the train it was fast and smooth. One hour he thought from station to station. I will settle down and rest Andrew thought. He shut his eyes and leaned his head against the window.
Andrew never woke again. The train derailed south of Birmingham. There were no obvious signs of derailment and the accident investigators could not determine why it happened. It was a complete mystery. There were a few survivors the man from the kiosk was one of them. At the trackside he looked at Andrews body. You cannot come back to make amends thought the man, he has you now. A small tear ran down the side of his face.
Conversations with my Saviour
Andrew
