A huge part of parenting is understanding what sort of a parent you want to be and what sort of a kid you want to have raised in the end. In other words, have an aim, know what you want.
But sometimes your choices as a parent can be controversial. This is the point where there is a clash between two major forces: the parents along with their decisions based on their unique context on one side and the overall general opinion, social climate and reasoning aimed at the children’s welfare. And you know the internet loves those, no matter the side.
More Info: TikTok
A mother recently shared 13 controversial ways that she's gonna parent her kids
Image credits: theorganicmami
"No sleepovers, nope, not even with family members"
"She will never be left alone with a male. I don't care if you're the grandpa, the uncle, or the cousin."
"I won't treat my daughter differently than I treat my son. For instance, like me letting my son go out late, but not my daughter, because it's too dangerous for a woman. I'm just going to treat them both the same."
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"Secrets will not be kept from your parents"
"And if you're one of those people now saying ‘I'll give you candy when your mom's not here, just don't tell her,’ that's the quickest way to never see us again."
"She doesn't have to kiss you, hug you, sit on your lap or anything else just because you asked her to and because you're a relative and haven't seen her in a long time. She doesn't have to respect you, if you don't also respect her as a child. "
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"As a child, she still will have opinions, emotions, and she's allowed to feel a certain way"
"We will take mental health days when needed and she's allowed to express herself and learn to regulate her emotions."
"We're not going to do a public school system that makes you sit at a desk for eight hours and not learn anything you really care about."
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Image credits: lucas souza (not the actual photo)
"We will always use holistic methods before we resort to Western medicine"
"I'm teaching her to stand up for herself, set boundaries and say ‘no’."
"I'm not going to force her to share or force her to finish her plate of food."
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"I won't ever talk poorly about myself in front of her and I won't make comments about her appearance or her body image"
"I'm teaching her she can always come to me and never have to hide anything. As a mom, I'm not always right. And I make mistakes and I'll own up to it and apologize."
Image credits: theorganicmami
"Nothing will ever be just because I said so"
"I'll have legitimate reasons we're choosing to travel with her. Even when it's hard as an infant and a toddler. It's worth making all the memories and experiences with our family."
"We already started saying daily affirmations together. I want her to know her worth and not ever look to others for validation."
Image credits: theorganicmami
Needless to say, this stirred a bit of a discussion among netizens, with many focusing on the "no sleepovers" rule
A mother on TikTok is in the news today for a rapid-fire style video of hers where she lists some of the decisions she’s made with regards to the parenting of her daughter. The caption in the video reads “controversial ways I’m raising my daughter as a young first-time mom.” The description of the video reiterates this, adding “call me crazy, [I don’t care.]”
In the video, she lists 13 different ways she’s going to approach parenting her daughter. A good number of these were actually very reasonable and quite normal in this day and age, according to folks online. Teaching the importance of setting boundaries, teaching them to say no, teaching the choice to refuse hugs and kisses from family members, heck, being open and learning to manage emotions are all very good and healthy approaches to raising a kid.
What did seem quite controversial to the crowd—one of a few options, but this particular one got the most attention—was the idea that the mom will not allow sleepovers. This includes family members too. She went on to specify that she will never leave her daughter alone with any male, doesn’t matter if it’s a grandpa, an uncle or a cousin. That is off limits.
In a different point, she also elaborated that she will not treat her daughter any differently than how she treats her son. So, if it's the case that she'll let her son stay out late, she’ll apply the same treatment with her daughter. By proxy, we can assume it’s the same the other way around too.
And this is where the internet was torn about this. One side of the virtual barricade claimed that no sleepovers means missing out on some of the best memories with friends or cousins or other family. Others expanded upon that, saying that kids might miss out on a lot more than just memories—think all the fun games the friend and their family could have in store, or maybe even going to some local amusement park or whatever before the sleepover. If anything, it’s a chance to see a different side of life.
Another thing a lot pointed out is that this prohibition might lead to unresolved anger and hate towards the mother for not letting a kid experience something that is inherently fun and the closest thing that kids get to freedom from their parents. This prompted one commenter to joke that the mom’s going straight to a retirement home after it’s all done and done.
One side argued that that sleepovers are a great source of forming great relationships and memories while the other claimed it's often unsafe for a number of reasons
Image credits: Gustavo Fring (not the actual photo)
However, there was a number of netizens agreeing with the mother. For the most part, it’s personal experience: it was either people saying that they weren’t allowed and now that they’ve grown up, they understand why and respect their mothers for it; or they understood firsthand why this can be an issue. After all, not all family can be entrusted with a kid.
The other more controversial rules that generated debate were the holistic medical treatment and the family hugging and kissing one. The first one’s less of a debate as you’d have to be a medic to truly be able to determine the best course of medical action. The other, however, while does seem like it limits freedom of intimacy, the mom never really stated that it can’t happen—the kid can choose to hug or kiss family members if she wants to, but she is not forced into a culture that disregards this boundary.
There’s a lot to unpack, so let’s have at it: are sleepovers good or bad? The tl;dr of it is it depends. Carolyn Ievers-Landis, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, explains that while there are things to consider, safety-wise, before allowing a sleepover, there’s also the good side of it.
If you can be satisfied with the answers to questions like who’s gonna be supervising the kids, what electronics will the kids have at their disposal, what are the household’s restrictions, are there firearms at home and is the house otherwise secure, then you’re set. There are also things like allergies and sleep problems to consider, but that’s something that the parent has more control over as opposed to the above factors that are controlled by the other family. If not, there’s always the option of hosting a sleepover.
Sleepovers, however, do serve a beneficial purpose. The most obvious ones are the development and understanding of independence and the skills to adapt to situations outside the kids’ usual routines. This in turn means increased self-sufficiency, less separation anxiety, and more flexibility. Besides, it’s fun. All you gotta do is handle the rest.
So, what are your opinions and thoughts on this? Would you as parents allow sleepovers? Do you agree with any of the other rules in this mom’s list? Let us know in the comment section below!
You can see a glimpse of the header debate here:
