We all have different views about how guests should be treating our homes. Some welcoming hosts assure their visitors that “mi casa es su casa,” while others are firm believers in the “my house, my rules” mantra.
Depending on how your relatives view their homes, visiting them can feel like a vacation or a chore. Below, you’ll find a story that one man shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit, wondering if he’s wrong for trying to enforce his household rules on his adult brother-in-law.
This man’s brother-in-law has been staying with his family while he grieves the loss of his father
Image credits: Monstera Production (not the actual photo)
But when he tried enforcing a curfew and house rules on his in-law, conflicts cropped up
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Thrill-Ville1304
Conflicts between in-laws are quite common
While our family members are supposed to be the people we love most in the world, conflicts between in-laws are unfortunately quite common. However, it’s usually daughter-in-laws and mother-in-laws who have issues more than any other set of in-laws. Sibling-in-laws aren’t normally at the root of conflicts in families, but when they are, Aleteia notes that it’s important to be kind.
Whether your spouse and their sibling are thick as thieves or they only see one another for holidays, their relationship has likely been around for decades before yours. Use discretion when complaining about them or saying anything that your spouse might consider offensive. You’re allowed to be annoyed or frustrated, but remember who you’re talking to and who you’re speaking about and remain respectful.
Aleteia also recommends learning how to appreciate your spouse’s siblings. For all you know, you might be able to become friends with them or enjoy your time together if you look past your differences. Try to be patient when dealing with them, and don’t allow resentment to form.
When loved ones are staying over, it's important for both the guest and host to be courteous
When we open up our homes to a friend or family member, it can sometimes be difficult to know what rules we’re allowed to enforce. We want them to feel comfortable, but at the same time, they’re not in their own home. They should be willing to make adjustments too, right?
According to Real Simple, it’s important for both the guest and the host to be courteous of one another. Guests can make their hosts’ lives easier by being clear about how long they plan to stay and offering to help out with cleaning, chores, grocery shopping and other household responsibilities. They should also agree to follow house rules, within reason.
Parent Coach Denise Rowden recommends that when adult children live with their parents, the parents should take on more of a “consultant” role than a managerial one. “You need to step back more and more as time goes by because your child is an adult,” Rowden explains. You can be helpful and check in, but it’s best not to give unsolicited advice.”
Those grieving the loss of a parent should be treated with compassion and patience
While this is a sibling-sibling relationship rather than a parent-child one, it’s still important to remember that this man is an adult who doesn’t need to be babied. He’s also recently gone through immense trauma, by losing his father. Everyday Health explains that when grieving the loss of a parent, people are more likely to begin binge drinking, develop self-esteem issues and experience an overall decline in happiness.
It can take months or even years after losing a parent before someone starts feeling like themself again, so what they need during that time is a solid support system who is patient and understanding. Grieving is not an excuse to get away with anything, but it should be a reminder for loved ones to be even more empathetic and gentle than they might usually be.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing conflicts between in-laws, look no further than right here.
Many readers believed that the man was being unfair
However, some thought everyone could have handled the situation more maturely
And others assured the father that he did nothing wrong
