
Gibson Perez
Community Member
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Gibson Perez · commented on 2 posts
over 7 years ago

more of these, please! so adorbs.

I am not writing with Shakespeare's era in mind, although I admit this is just an experimental writing. I don't even know 'antiquated phrasing' until I've read your comment. Reading it out loud doesn't make a flowing rhythm which, I admit, I am not good at. Sorry if it didn't suit those particular rules. After all, I am amateur who just loves sonnets. But I truly appreciated your comment! They are all but constructive.

Gibson Perez · upvoted 3 items
over 7 years ago

Apologies - I was worried I might have offended you. I too am a fan of Shakespeare's sonnets. But admit it is difficult to write in a period style without inadvertantly using modern terms and references.

Some of it was quite good. However, the "iced champagne as red as your lips" alliteration did no favours. Also "stereotype" and "fries" do not really belong in a sonnet using antiquated phrasing in Shakespearian style. The Grandfather Clock was not invented until almost 100 years after Shakespeare's death and hugely expensive, it would not be found in a tailor's home. The term "Cavalier" did not come into use until the mid 17th century and the english civil war.The term "mahogany" was 1st recorded 100 years after Shakespeare's death, was hugely expensive and rare and would not have been used for a door in a Tailor's house. Bisque porcelain did not come into use until mid 18th century." Phobia" did not become a term until late 18th century - 200 years after Shakespeare.Pink as a name for a colour did not appear until a century after Shakespeare. Sorry - but you need to cross reference the terms you are using if you are looking to write in the style of a historical era. Is like spotting a wristwatch being worn in Gladiator. I like the style of much of your writing just some of the words dont quite ring authentic "Crispy" would have been "crisp or crispen".

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over 7 years ago

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about 8 years ago

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