There are so many weird and creepy people around that look and act normal at first, but when you talk to them some more or even become friends or start a relationship with them, you realize that they are quite toxic or crazy. After a couple of these experiences, you start to look for signs before committing to getting closer to that person.
There are a lot of common signs that are really telling, but we have started to demonize behaviors that don’t actually tell us anything and it's just a normal thing that many people do, including the bad people in your life.
Reddit user MuchDuck did us all a favor and asked people online “What is widely considered a red flag but actually is not?” allowing people who do certain things to defend themselves and for others to learn that sometimes healthy behaviors that may seem suspicious or unacceptable to us don’t mean that someone is a bad human being.
More info: Reddit
#1 Placed The Phone Screen Down On A Table
I once met a girl who thought it was a red flag that I always placed my phone screen down on a table. She thought it meant I was hiding something. I had to try and explain that it's too big to keep in my pocket and it's screen down to be polite and show her that she has my undivided attention.
Although, I must admit, that her level of insecurity was a red flag to me.
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395points
#2 Not Having A Social Media Presence
Not having a social media presence. I’ve had multiple people tell me that my choice not to use social media was a huge red flag, but in reality I got rid of my accounts because they were making me miserable. I got rid of my Facebook/Instagram/twitter accounts two years ago, and have been noticeably happier ever since.
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358points
#3 Being Independent, Or Even A Loner
Being independent, or even a loner. Sometimes we’re just shy and have poor social skills. We’re not “creeps” or “weird”. I just do my own thing and leave people alone for the most part unless they want me in their life.
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351points
#4 Not Responding To Texts Immediately
Not responding to texts immediately.
No *Brenda* I'm not ghosting you, I am literally at work.
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316points
#5 Single Guy With A Cat
Single guy with a cat. I am NOT a monster god dammit.!!!
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316points
#6 Not Getting Along With Parents
Not getting along with parents. Some parents are abusive, neglectful, or toxic to be around; and if an adult chooses not to be around that, good for them.
Of course, if a person is actively awful *to* their parents, that's another story.
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290points
#7 Not Having Many Friends
Not having many friends. im just very introverted not a weirdo.
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270points
#8 Not Dating For Several Years
Not dating for several years, I’ve been told by girls that if a guy has been single for over five years that’s a problem.
So you’d prefer he’d be in 25 relationships in the last five years and wonder why all those relationships didn’t work out?
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225points
#9 Men Having Female Friends
Men having female friends. A lot of girls get jealous, but if it's a real friendship and not a bunch of exes and hookups, it actually shows women consider them reliable and good people to have around.
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217points
#10 A Man Playing With A Child At A Playground
maledependasaid:
A man playing with a child at a playground
Grogosh added:
Decades of that stranger danger stuff ruined dads being out with their child. Sure its a legitimate threat but the real bad stuff happens because they already know the kid, in family, friends, etc.
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214points
#11 Being Over 40 And Never Having Been Married
SadPlayground said:
Being over 40 and never having been married.
newbuttonacc replied:
It's weird because by implication, it's "not being divorced"
Which is, by extension, "not having sworn a vow to be with someone forever and then broke that vow"
How is that a red flag? Idk.
I lived in a highly conservative area and people were treating me like a weirdo for not being married at 22. Knowing how stupid I was at 22, not getting married was easily the smartest thing I did.
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201points
#12 Men That Like Children And Babies
Men that like children and babies. Why do we assume every guy that likes babies is a pervert and a woman can't be?
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168points
#13 Not Making Eye Contact
Not making eye contact doesnt mean someone is lying.
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167points
#14 Not Wanting Your Partner(S) To Know Your Passwords
smallemochick said:
not wanting your partner(s) to have the passwords to all your social media accounts
arturobear added:
It's just weird. My husband and I sometimes leave things open on shared devices and each of us, just respectfully logs out and logs in with our own credentials. We don't open each other's mail either.
There's a basic level of respect and trust you need to have in a relationship. If you feel the need to snoop, there's a lot more going on and the relationship has probably been on the rocks for a while. There are more mature ways to handle it - like being open with your feelings and having a frank conversation.
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162points
#15 Girls With Stuffed Animals
Girls with stuffed animals. It’s just comfort and habit. Not that deep.
Edit: I’m so glad so many others of all identities agree. Its so okay to enjoy comforting items at any age. So happy to see it. You deserve to find joy and comfort in the simple things.
158points
#16 Living With Family
living with family, in this day and age it’s just not feasible for everyone to have their own place.
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155points
#17 Not Wanting A Relationship
Not wanting a relationship, or not wanting certain things in a relationship (sex included).
Not everyone wants the same things and not everyone likes the same things.
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155points
#18 Understanding That Not All Criminals Are Bad People
Understanding that not all criminals are bad people.
Sometimes I try to explain to people that maybe some criminals did what they did because of their circumstances and their weird understanding of how the world works. That does not necessarily make them a bad person.
I am met with such harsh criticism for this statement, like I'm the criminal here. I just "understand" them, I don't commit crimes like them.
At this point I've stopped explaining this to anyone I know without being anymomous.
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150points
#19 Not Wanting To Spend Every Minute Of Every Living Day With Your S/O
Not wanting to spend every minute of every living day w your SO🙄
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149points
#20 Gaps In Employment Being Seen As A Red Flag In A Resume
So relationships are implied but not explicitly specified. So I am going to expand this to employment.
Gaps in employment being seen as a red flag in a resume.
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147points