Dr. Brooks reminded that much of our happiness in life is nested within our relationships. How we relate to other people is a huge deal. "We should take great care in choosing whether to argue with someone," he said. "We must make an effort to be 'effective' in life over being 'right.' After all, if we damage the relationship by arguing, our happiness and their happiness is diminished."
Of course, you probably don't care what a stranger on the internet thinks about you. Plus, we shouldn't be a doormat — it is important to have values, ideas, opinions, and stances. But since arguing seldom produces the desired result, we should be cautious about when to engage.
"If you remember the movie WarGames with Matthew Broderick and Ally Sheedy, you might remember the tagline, 'The only winning move is not to play.' When it comes to winning an argument, the best winning move is to not get in one to begin with," Dr. Brooks said. "Like the nukes in WarGames that destroy both the USA and the USSR, our arguments usually cause more harm than good."
"If we want to sway other people to our 'correct' vision of things, we are most likely to do that by having a strong relationship with them. Ironically, it is through carefully and compassionately listening to others that we are more likely to sway their views. We just have to realize that we are likely to soften our views as well. And you know what? That's okay. We all win when we can connect better with others," the psychologist concluded.
Or you can pick every fight you can and eventually end up on Conservative Self-Owns. Your choice!