59 Adults Share What They Thought Was Normal When They Were Kids And Now Realize Was Wrong

All the females of the family planning, preparing and cleaning up after every party/holiday while the men just sat at the table.

Adults oversharing their problems to kids like we were therapists.

PhilosoFishy2477:

"I don't need a therapist, I have you!"
my sister in christ you have a depressed 14 year old

My parents.

I was in my 50’s before it dawned on me that some people actually had *good* parents who didn’t treat them like enemies when they were little kids.

Anon:

I work as a nanny now, and I feel a little jealous of the kids I nanny because they have parents who love them and I didn't. I went into childcare specifically to be the kind of adult I needed but didn't have when I was their age. Seeing "my" kids be excited to see their parents and how their parents put effort into their physical and emotional wellbeing heals me a little bit every time.

Growing up with a second “brother” who was really a neglected kid my brother befriended that basically lived with us for days and weeks at a time because his family didn’t care for him or his whereabouts.

Sheetascastle:

I've met a few adults that talk about how their second family is basically the only reason they stayed sane and how they learned what a healthy family dynamic looks like. You had good people as parents and I hope you got along with your extra "sibling" okay.

Not going to parents for help because you know it'll make the situation so much worse.

"If you dont stop crying, I WILL give you something to cry about" was an oldie but a goodie. Terror... It's how they raised kids.

filchermcurr:

Ugh, I got so sick of hearing that. Especially when he would spank us, we'd cry, he'd proclaim STOP CRYING OR I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT, spank us again for crying...
Oh well, joke's on him. He got Cat's in the Cradled. Wants to spend time with us now, we don't care, he gets whiney... good stuff. I guess in the end we got to give him something to cry about!

Apologizing for things that weren’t even my fault.

itsmeYotee:

Mentally, emotionally beaten down until confessing to things I hadnt done. Being told she knew it was me, she knew I was lying to her when I hadnt done it. Then when I "finally confessed" Id be punished for lying about it.

Anon:

This reminds me of when I was ~14 and a friend of mine had sent me a PDF of a book I'd been dying to read but couldn't find in the library. I was sitting at the computer reading, mum was taking a depression nap on the sofa and when she woke up she asked what I was doing. I truthfully told her I was reading and she sighed like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders and said "No you're not, what are you actually doing?". That was pretty much the point where I gave up on telling the truth since I wouldn't be believed anyway.
I hope you're far away and in a much better environment now.

Being forced to eat everything on your plate regardless of whether you liked it or felt full.

The amount of times I was made to eat food portions too big where I felt sick was often.
My body was telling me I’m full but I was forced to ignore it and overeat.

PokeKellz:

Oh man, you just gave me flashbacks. Sitting at the table hours after my family because I wasn’t allowed to leave, not to do homework or anything else because I had to eat everything. I had sensitivity to certain foods and wasn’t able to describe how it made me feel sick.
I am self conscious and weird about people watching me eat to this day, in my mid-thirties

“Harmless” pranks were common in my life, it took telling this story to someone and them saying it was messed up to make it click that most, if not all of the pranks my dad pulled on us kids were beyond horrific.

My dad rented a car and told me it was a graduation present. It took a lot of convincing because my father was notorious for his elaborate pranks and I just knew it was another one of his “jokes.” He spent the better part of the day tossing the keys at me and urging me to take my new car for a spin until he finally wore me down and made me think that maybe it wasn’t a joke after all. He had the whole family lined up in the driveway to witness the maiden voyage of the new car only to take my keys out of my hands right as I was about to put them in the ignition and let me know I was too young to drive a rental and laugh uproariously as the rest of the family joined in mocking me for being so gullible and my stupidly trusting nature.

Another one was when he spatchcocked our evil rooster and had it in the fridge, he was a HUGE bird. He hid my sister’s pet rabbit and convinced her it was Bun Bun chilling in the fridge. She went vegan for over ten years after that traumatizing joke.

For the record, my father ended up alone and miserable, just as he deserved.

I wasn’t allowed to have feelings. Whenever I tried to express how I felt, my parents would accuse me of being a drama queen. As an adult, I learned to eat my feelings.

Being told to “respect adults” no matter how they treated you.

NewsboyHan:

I remember my uncle telling me this....he was 11 months older than me.

Specific_School913:

Ugh, same. growing up thinking adults were always right just let so many toxic ppl get away with stuff. "respect" shouldn't mean putting up with nonsense.

Food insecurity. The amount of times I had my lunch taken away from me during school because we had no money is too high. All the adults acted like it's normal not to feed a hungry child because they weren't able to afford the four bucks. When I was a student teacher, I kept my bag stocked with snacks just in case I ever saw this happen to a child. No one should feel like lunch is a punishment where they have to watch others eat what they can't afford.

Lem0n_Dr0p:

I went through this too. I thought it was normal for kids to just not have lunch sometimes. Or dinner. Or breakfast. The adults definitely noticed there were children going hungry. Heard one of my friends’ parents talking about school lunch debt when I was in middle school and I didn’t really think much of it. Now I realize how actually horrific that is.

Apparently, mothers aren't supposed to use children as verbal punching bags and make them feel terrible. And fathers aren't supposed to ignore their family's needs and walk around ignoring everyone 24/7.

kvoyhacer:

This was so normal.
Mom was cruel, dad was disinterested and the expectation was to quietly accept the neglect.

mythisme:

I was going through some therapy recently that I started after separation. My therapist asked me about my happy memories with my dad... and I sat there blank for a while - I couldn't believe that I couldn't think of even a single time that he played with me. He used to teach my friends and myself math and science. That's all I remember of him during my childhood days.
Now, I'm 50+, and I make sure I take every opportunity to be with my son. If he has a day off from school, I take a day off too. It's on our generation to make the change.

Being told to not wear certain clothes around family; tank tops, low cut shirts, shorts, short skirts or dresses. I was always TOLD it was out of respect for older traditional family members. It was not. Unfortunately I've got some really horrible relatives, and the second I hit puberty they took notice.

celtic_thistle:

I got this one too. It was just re: my super old school Italian Catholic grandpa, but he yelled at me for any outfit that showed even a hint of cleavage and I explicitly remember him saying "men can't help but look so you need to be smarter about it!" I WAS 12!!!!

When you’re told to go hug your aunt and/or uncle that you’ve just met. Whenever I hear that as an adult I just say “whoa whoa, it’s ok. I’ll take that hug whenever THEY’RE ready to give it to me.”

EDIT: Y’know what? It could be a family member that a kid has known for a while. If the kid doesn’t wanna hug anyone, be cool with it.

Huttj509:

I was at a party with a friend and his family (we're in our 40s, for context), and when his nephew was leaving the kid's mom said "you need to hug people goodbye" and the whole room of 6 people chimed in "no he doesn't."
Made me smile.

Getting screamed at as a kid for not paying attention and being told i just didnt care enough. spent my whole childhood thinking I was broken. turns out i had adhd and nobody thought to check because i got decent grades. the shame from that sticks with you for YEARS.

thefuzzybunny1:

They didn't think girls could be neurodivergent when I was a kid. My sister didn't get her diagnosis until she was 30. Until then, all we knew was that I, the younger sister, had to keep track of things for her, because she absolutely couldn't keep track of stuff for herself. This was framed as my being "more responsible" and "mature for my age". In other words, I was the good kid and she was the screwup. And you're right, that sticks with kids.
She's doing better now, but there are still moments where she'll misplace something and our mother will just look at me expectantly. And then I'll have to deduce that she left her earrings in the toothpaste drawer, or whatever it is.

Being fed considerably smaller meals than the boys and men in my family because "girls don't need to eat much"

Turns out my mother was anorexic, and even though I'm 75 now, my relationship with food is still problematic. Whereby, mother is still going strong at 96 and now eats normally - she eats very well, actually.

Talk about 'Hit and Run' !

Not being included in any decisions/no autonomy. Although I did realise a bit as a kid, when I was with a friend and their parents were asking them questions, like what they wanted to do on school holidays, and actually including them in their plans, and I was absolutely floored. What, you don't just have to tag along with whatever your parents to and try and make the best of it? They actually do things FOR you and with you, like go to movies and theme parks and stuff???

Also, being physically provided for but emotionally neglected in general.

When my mom had parties, she used to lock me in the air raid shelter in the basement, sometimes close to 24 hours until everyone was gone. I had a bucket to use as a toilet, and afterwards I’d get a Barbie as a reward for being quiet. I once told someone about it because I genuinely thought it was kind of funny. I was pretty confused as why they were shocked.

My dad telling me it was my fault for him cheating because I made a friend and he decided to sleep with said friend's mom 🤷.

Infinite_Pudding5058:

The lack of accountability on the part of your dad here.