Has your pet ever done something that made you think “behind those cute eyes hides a furry jerk?” Turns out there is a whole Reddit community dedicated to people presenting stories from their pets' perspective in order to find out whether they are a cloaca.
Oh, if you’re wondering, a cloaca is what lots of vertebrate animals have for a butt. That’s the best way I can describe it and make sure your lunch stays where it should be at the same time.
More info: Reddit
#1
AITC for bite feet?
I am cat 11 years old. Sometimes when I'm on the bed I see feet and I bite. I am torn on this; one one hand bite is bad, but on the other hand I am a Cat and I saw the feet.
I am cat 11 years old. Sometimes when I'm on the bed I see feet and I bite. I am torn on this; one one hand bite is bad, but on the other hand I am a Cat and I saw the feet.
AITC?
108points
#2
Am I Cloaca for taking care of hoomin kitten?
I am old lady kitty, is 16yo. I have been taking care of the same hoomin for 15 years. She is expecting a furless kitten of her own and I’m trying to teach her how to care for it. She is not learning.
I am old lady kitty, is 16yo. I have been taking care of the same hoomin for 15 years. She is expecting a furless kitten of her own and I’m trying to teach her how to care for it. She is not learning.
I keep telling her she needs to keep the growing kitten warm. And I show her by sleeping on tummy and moving about to keep temperature regulated. Hoomin gets frustrated that I won’t settle down and my moving about is “uncomfortable."
I is not chonky by any means, and keeps a slim 6.5lbs, but hoomin says my paws, claws, and biscuit making hurt where the kitten is growing.
Am I cloaca for wanting to keep the tummy kitten the right temperature??
(The male hoomin doesn’t listen either. He claims “allergic” but at least is smart enough to know I outrank him due to my greater age and experience.)
——————
(Human edit… I just got home from work and Mindy (my queen kitty) is snuggling next to me. Thank you everyone for the comments, they have made my week. I’m smiling so much reading all of them!)
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104points
#3
AITC for sits where fits?
Title says all. Am Muffins the cat (4F) who like to sits where fits. Specifically on laptop.
Title says all. Am Muffins the cat (4F) who like to sits where fits. Specifically on laptop.
The maître d' who serve food say NO IS HIS LAPTOP NO CAT SIT THERE. (He also no sit on laptop, which seem like wasted opportunity)
I say yeah but (a) I fits, therefore I sits and (b) if laptop not for sits why it made of warm?
Am genuinely trying to be good cat but can’t see any holes in my logic.
AITC?!?
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94points
For this article, Bored Panda reached out to the AITC moderation team and got in touch with u/techiesgoboom and u/Moggehh, who are also moderators for the AITA community.
#4
AITC for HISS HISS at intruder until she GO AWAY?
I am Mr Business (6M Tuxedo) and guardian of house. Mummy say I am ‘complete himbo’ which means ‘most important special boy ever’. Have little sister, Maisie (6F Tuxedo) and on the other day daddy did put her in a carry box and she went away forever.
I am Mr Business (6M Tuxedo) and guardian of house. Mummy say I am ‘complete himbo’ which means ‘most important special boy ever’. Have little sister, Maisie (6F Tuxedo) and on the other day daddy did put her in a carry box and she went away forever.
Daddy come back with carry box but NOT WITH SISTER. WITH INTRUDER. So I do HISS HISS make her go away. Mummy says ‘NO HISS IT YOUR SISTER!’ But I know it is not sister because SMELL WRONG. It is INTRUDER.
Intruder show no signs of GO AWAY. She here and only I know she SMELL WRONG SO NOT SISTER. Mummy and daddy keep telling me off and say IS SISTER but I am RIGHT and they are WRONG.
So AITC?
Mummy here. It is Maisie. We took her to the vets. It’s been 4 days of him acting out, and we’ve tried everything. I rubbed them both with vanilla extract today because I’m scraping the barrel of how to fix this! Now I have two stressed out cats who smell like cake 🙃
EDIT: update from mummy - the vanilla worked?!?! Harmony is restored!
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79points
#5
AITC for yell at dad when take babies?
(OOC: Dolly is my foster cat, she can’t be spayed until her babies are adopted in case anyone asks why she has babies. Will post cat tax when I’m out of school. Never written one of these before sorry if it sucks)
(OOC: Dolly is my foster cat, she can’t be spayed until her babies are adopted in case anyone asks why she has babies. Will post cat tax when I’m out of school. Never written one of these before sorry if it sucks)
Hello. I Dolly, I not know my age, and I have lots of babies! 6 whole babies! I love them very much and temporary dad loves them too. I love dad so much! I follow him everywhere even though he tells me to ‘not get attached.’ I not know what that means. I like to sit in loaf in sun on dads lap and talk to him. He is good dad. Except one thing.
He takes my babies! He picks them up and puts liquid in their little mouths and puts them on a plate with numbers on it and tells me ‘Yay! Your babies are growing!’ I don’t care! I want my babies! I know dad would never hurt babies, but I express my displeasure by yelling at dad even after all my babies are back in box.
Dad pets me and feeds me and I am teaching babies that dad is good dad so they don’t hiss. But how does dad repay me? By making babies eat yucky juice! And he makes me eat it too! He says it ‘medicine’ and that babies have ‘a cold.’ I don’t care! I show my displeasure by yelling. Dad says he trying to help but I no believe it. AITC?
77points
#6
Cassie adopted me when I was 1 and she was 7. We’ve been together through thick and thin. My human has moved us around a lot but she always takes me with. Sometimes, Cassie would have no money and she would still prioritize keeping my food dish full and my litter box clean. She also leaves the sink faucet running 24/7 , because she knows I like my water crisp and straight from the tap. I guess you could say she really loves me!
Here’s where I may be the cloaca: My Cassie decided she wanted to see her human litter across the country. The thing is, as soon as she left, I started to get sick. Like really, really sick. The strange human checking in on me noticed that I wasn’t eating. I knew I was already on the last of my 9 lives, but I was hoping I could at least wait for my Cassie to come home. I tried, but I couldn’t hang on any longer.
My human has been crying her eyes out ever since. She put my urn and collar next to my favorite sink and sometimes leaves the water running for me. I feel awful about this, but I don’t think I’m coming back, and I think deep down, Cassie knows this too.
I’ve assigned Cassie’s other pet, a dog named Tracer, the duty of watching over her now in my stead.
AITC for leaving my human?
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67points
Similarly to techiesgoboom (and Moggehh for that matter), other moderators of Am I The Cloaca are also mods of the AITA sub and they decided to create the community as an April Fool’s joke in 2021. “We pretended to be completely earnest about creating this new sub and announcing it, and the real joke was we kept the sub around because people had fun.”
#7
AITC for using human poop paper for my poop?
I (2M, SIC) am a very smart kitty, my mommy often says I’m too smart for my own good.
I (2M, SIC) am a very smart kitty, my mommy often says I’m too smart for my own good.
Usually I use the kitty litter box to poop, but recently I noticed the humans would use a roll of soft paper after they go poop in the tall white human litter box. They poop in the box, then they cover it with a few layers of the poop paper.
I wanted to try it too, so I pulled a roll of the poop paper off the shelf, dragged it to my litter box and tugged on it until it became big, long strips of paper. Then I pooped on the floor near the litter box and covered it with the poop paper, making it into a neat pile.
I’m very proud that I figured out the human secret of how to use poop paper. But mommy says I am the cloaca because I pooped on the floor instead of the litter box. But I thought I was doing everything right! Surely this is how the humans use poop paper too.
AITC for using human poop paper?
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58points
#8
AITC for giving kisses?
hello my name butters. i am just a kid still (3 months old so pls be nice to me) and i know there still many much to learn.
hello my name butters. i am just a kid still (3 months old so pls be nice to me) and i know there still many much to learn.
mother is best human ever! she sleeps in my room with me every night and it makes me sooooo happy. I sit on her chest and purr and purr and she gives pets and cuddles and it is best thing ever.
but problem! I give her kisses on her nose, many kisses, licklicklicklicklick and then to make sure she KNOWS i love her i do many more kisses in her nose holes. have long tongue, so i can give big kisses! LICKLICKLICKLICKLICK
but mother! she say no! and then removes me! fine, no nose? lets try eyes. SAME RESULT.
AITC? does mother not love me anymore? am i doing it wrong?
EDIT: i just heard mother say it must not be my turn with the briancell, she think i am DUMB??
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56points
#9
AITC for demanding löve?
Am Moira, 5f tortie floof. I want all the löves an say so every day. But sometimes I dont get the löves! Sometimes my dads hug each other, but not me! This makes me Offended! So i screm my displeasure, especially when they cuddle but not cuddle me. How dare.
Am Moira, 5f tortie floof. I want all the löves an say so every day. But sometimes I dont get the löves! Sometimes my dads hug each other, but not me! This makes me Offended! So i screm my displeasure, especially when they cuddle but not cuddle me. How dare.
Aitc for demanding all the löves?
54points
For this year’s April Fool’s, they created AITG - Am I The Grasshole. The community’s description reads: “A catharsis for the morally frustrated horticulturist in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you. Tell us about any non-violent lawncare related conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the grasshole.”
#10
AITC for objecting to blanket theft
I, Dragon (2m cat) am the proud owner of two humans, V (51 m) and L (35 nb). Yesterday, L went to a faraway place called IKEA, which sells cat blankets.
I, Dragon (2m cat) am the proud owner of two humans, V (51 m) and L (35 nb). Yesterday, L went to a faraway place called IKEA, which sells cat blankets.
L returned with a wonderful new fleecy blanket, which is good and very comfortable. As a connoisseur of fleecy blankets, I was initially delighted.
However, L commited A CRIME! L took the fleecy blanket into the FORBIDDEN OFFICE ROOM because they "get cold while they work." I sobbed a lot over this, as I had already lain on the new fleecy blanket and found it good.
L attempted to remedy the situation by exchanging the new fleecy blanket with an older one that I had previously slept on, but I do not think this is a good compromise, so I yelled about this too. After all, I own the old fleecy blanket in addition to the new one! If L wishes a fleecy blanket of their very own, they can just get their own! As long as I do not ever see it and certainly never touch it or lay upon it, I am willing to allow L to use it (although of course it would still be my property which I am entitled to).
L says I am a cloaca for continuing to cry about fleecy blanket theft, because I definitely have the same number of fleecy blankets that I had yesterday and I had two blankets for all of five minutes while they "unloaded the car."
I think I am not the cloaca because in those five minutes I learned that I had been deprived of extra fleecy blankets for my entire life and also the new blanket is clearly mine by right of conquest
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48points
#11
AITC for career development???
I am cat (4F) small business owner. I employ two staff members: (1) hooman (34M) and (2) robot (age ?? gender ??).
I am cat (4F) small business owner. I employ two staff members: (1) hooman (34M) and (2) robot (age ?? gender ??).
robot is punctual and always performs the feeding duties on schedule. But they do not go above and beyond AT ALL. I have told them many times that they need to do more than the bare minimum, but they NEVER respond to feedback.
hooman has better communication skills, but is so LAZY and UNMOTIVATED. He will perform two feedings and two snack times daily and that’s IT. I had to cajole and micromanage him for the other four snack times.
the other day I tried giving human more DIRECT feedback so I used his chest as springboard. but he did not like the feedback and rejected it!
should i not have given feedback? I am tired of micromanaging but the employees do not take initiative. By the way I co-own the business with my idiot brother (4M) but he is useless and leaves all the hard work to me.
AITC here?
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41points
#12
AITC for showing that my teeths still work?
Hello! My name is Betty (8F) and I am a beautiful tortie kitty!
Hello! My name is Betty (8F) and I am a beautiful tortie kitty!
So, a few weeks ago, Daddy took me to the scary needle place and LEFT me! I don't remember a lot because they poked my butt and then I fell asleep. But when I woke up, my teeths! They were gone! Not all teeths but so many! When I go home Mama said she was sorry but doesn't my mouth feel better now? This is true but I am still very upset that my nice sharp teeths are GONE.
Yesterday I was sleeping on Mama's shoulder and then she and Daddy grabbed me! So mean! Then Mama gets the scary sharp blades and holds my paw and pushes my claws out! This means they are going to "clip my nails" which is VERY SCARY and I DO NOT LIKE IT but Mama says they have to do it.
Usually Daddy holds my mouth closed but he did not do a very good job this time. I think maybe Daddy thinks I cannot bite very hard because they STOLE my teeths? But ha! I show him! I still have some teeths and they are still sharp! He yelled "ow ow Betty why" and then I wiggled so much that Mama had to let me go with two claws left.
My peoples say that IATC because I hurt Daddy (twice). I say that they are the cloacas because they know I DO NOT LIKE having my nails clipped but they do it anyway, and so soon after stealing my teeths! Who is the real cloaca here?
39points
The announcement post for AITG suggested that the subreddit is perfect for resolving issues like your neighbors’ lawn overtaking yours or if you’re a bee unable to feed because everyone is massively removing dandelions from their yards. The sub has 3k members since being created only 11 days ago with some funny grass-related posts, if you’re into that.
#13
AITC for no celebrate Sssaint Patrick'sssss Day?
Am Oliver Twist. Am fabulousss corn snekko live in Dublin. Today was so terrible day for me.
Am Oliver Twist. Am fabulousss corn snekko live in Dublin. Today was so terrible day for me.
This Sssaint Paddy person offensive to my people. Is racisssst. Should be Sssaint Snek Day. I stay in my hollow log all day in protessssst. I no even get mouse today as apology offering. Mom say I big cloaca but I sssstick to my principlessss. So AITC?
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36points
#14
AITC for screm? I have a CLINICAL DIAGNOSIS!!!
Am Leo, medium-Old floof. Recently posted about Mother making the rain but she has stopped its ok.
Am Leo, medium-Old floof. Recently posted about Mother making the rain but she has stopped its ok.
What hasn't stopped is my night time screms. I've been waking Mother up more and more since the BIG rain, and Mother kept asking me please not to. To which I screm. I screm until the neighbours upstairs bang on the ceiling. I screm until Sister baps me. I screm until Mother cries because she is so tired.
She says, "Leo, my baby, my love. Please stop screaming. I feel like you're just in the habit from all the rain lately but it has stopped so you need to as well. I will take you to the vet but I'm not convinced anything is wrong. Please, my baby, stop I'm so tired."
To which, I of course, screm. If she pats me, I will stop, I like pats, but she doesn't want to encourage my screms even more so she doesn't give me scritchies, even if I screm very long and loud!
One night I wake her up "six" times (I don't count but Mother says this is a lot) and she gets out the Bad Cage and takes me to the vet!
The take ALL of my blood and poke me more than "six" times with sharps and they only fed me after many years, I was so skinny. They told Mama I scremed like I had never been fed before when they gave me wet food and Mother was embarassed. This is true, Mother has NEVER given me wet food, ever. Except for every night for the last 12 years. Never.
The vet told mother I was very floofy and beautiful and my eyes were very blue. This is when I knew she was very wise and we must listen to her carefully. She says everything is normal and she doesn't think it's dementia. She says I probably just really like to screm and have "Old Man Brain" (OMB). Mother did a laugh (???!!!)
That night I was SO tired from all the pets and pokes and regrowing all my blood that I slept through the night. I have only woken her up a bit since then and only with small single mews.
I am considering whether I should start to screm big again??? I now have my official diagnosis of OMB, it is very serious, I need wet food and pats and sometimes, I need to do big screms! But only at night when mother is sleeping. This is the easiest time for her to appreciate it.
So AITC for screms? Please remember my official diagnosis of OMB before you say I am NTC
34points
#15
hi
am snek 🐍 v smol and frenly. mi name is Snickerdoodle & this is my story.
human bring me home from Craigslist (wat is dat??) & say she need to clean my tank. so human (1st time snek owner) foolishly think “I will put snek in smol container w/o proper fitting lid”
so while human cleaning my poop outta da tank…. I decide to sssslither out of stoopid container. I finded the bathroom and there it was: da perfect hiding spot! Behind da human’s porcelain litter box was a smol hole in da wall that lead to vvvv comfy plumbing system. I decide “yesss this will do” and I hide from human.
Human crieded. She must thought “Snickerdoodle such good hide & seeker!!”
She leave food outside every hole in da wall: behind washer, behind dryer, under da sinks… but I no give up my spot.
Until 1 day, human come home from work, and she open da bafroom door to poop. And there I was! Right next to porcelain litter box! Sssssurprise!
Human was v v v overjoyed I gave up my hiding spot but she say I no allowed to play hide & sssseek anymore.
AITC?
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33points
#16
AITC for practice faith?
Dis Muffins (4F cat). Is having conflict with human.
Dis Muffins (4F cat). Is having conflict with human.
Muffins like to sit many place. Warm laundry, face of sleeping human, laptop, on top curtain rod, dirty McDonalds bag, in wash machine, in front of TV. List not exhaustive.
Let Muffins be VERY CLEAR: Muffins definitely FIT in every one of these place.
As you may know, Cat Scripture say “Thus sayeth the Cat Lord: Cat who fitteth shall be Cat who sitteth.”
Muffins very devout in faith. But human say stuff like “oh FFS there’s a million places you could’ve sat and you chose to sit right in front of the TV?!? and ”DAMMIT I’M TRYING TO SLEEP GET OFF MY FACE”
AITC for standing up (sitting, technically) for religious liberty?!?
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31points
Another moderator for AITA and AITC, Moggehh, pointed out that their favorite parts of the Cloaca community are the pet photos that people share and how chill everyone usually is. As AITC began as a AITA spinoff sub with minimal traffic, it’s nice to see that it has gotten considerably bigger after being linked on a popular sub and now has lots of posts daily. “After a while it was linked on a popular sub and now there are so many posts every day! I'm so glad that even with some minor growth, the community has managed to stay so positive and heartwarming,” Moggehh adds.
#17
ATIC for take Daddy's shiny face toy?
I am Shadow 3yo Russian Blue and bestest cat ever.
I am Shadow 3yo Russian Blue and bestest cat ever.
Daddy wears shiny toy on face during day. Puts on table at night. Is toy because it skitters across the table if I bap bap it. Last night I bap bap, and it skitter skitter and fall onto rug. So I take and put in my SUPER SEEEKRIT TOY HIDING PLACE which is behind couch.
Daddy wake up this morning and look for shiny toy. He forget to feed me because he looking for toy! I yowl at Daddy to remind him. He tell me he need his "glazzes" and make grumpy noises. Mommy give Daddy his "backup glazzes" and Daddy go off to work and not feed Shadow!
Mommy put food in bowl, but is not real food unless Daddy does it. I get out shiny toy and give to Mommy so she tell Daddy to come home and feed me. Mommy say I am cloaca.
Then she take shiny toy away and SHE go to work.
Shadow not get food from Daddy this morning! AITC?
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31points
#18
AITC for plant-based diet?
Hello hello, it is me again, Socks (6, M). You remember, I am big fluffy gray cat who needs cuddles with Friend and needs them all the time. I am NTC for this, you said.
Hello hello, it is me again, Socks (6, M). You remember, I am big fluffy gray cat who needs cuddles with Friend and needs them all the time. I am NTC for this, you said.
Big problem. Past few weeks, Friend run late for Night Time Cuddle Time. This is best time of day: Friend in bed for sleep, Socks is little spoon for sleep.
But Night Time Cuddle Time starts later and later. Friend say “long day” and “busy month” and “big work project” and “capitalist hellscape”. She say “I’m so sorry my sweet little angel I know it’s late but I can’t go to bed just yet.” She say Socks should sit on her lap instead.
But lap is not little spoon in bed. Friend knows this. So I remind her. I walk on laptop keyboard. I push pens off desk. I jump on book case to reach pothos plant. I wait ‘til Friend sees then give pathos plant tiny chomp. Tiny tiny.
Friend say “no Socks don’t eat that!” but still I chomp. I look right at her and chomp chomp chomp on pothos plant. I do not take big chomp because it is yucky and I do not like tummy aches or trips to the vet. But I take tiny chomp to show Friend I mean business. Then I sit and stare at her.
Friend bring Socks favorite toy. I do not move from next to pothos plant (very hard!!!!!!!). Friend add food to Socks bowl. I do not move from next to pothos plant (also hard!!!!!!!!). Friend put laptop away and say “okay okay I guess it’s bedtime” and then yes I move from next to pothos plant. Now I am little spoon. Hee hee.
Friend say Socks never chomp on plants unless manipulation tactic (true hee hee). Therefore, Friend say I am cloaca. Um…??? No…???
AITC for plant-based diet?
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29points
#19
AITC for sharing my water?
Am Cat and own house where I let humans live for free. Very nice of me. They do not pay rent but they make all meals and open doors for me when I want. If they slack I bite but not so hard cause they can’t help not being Cats.
Am Cat and own house where I let humans live for free. Very nice of me. They do not pay rent but they make all meals and open doors for me when I want. If they slack I bite but not so hard cause they can’t help not being Cats.
I let the old humans share my bed as I am most hospitable. Young humans have other beds, those are also mine. Now to the issue: Old humans keep glasses of water at bedstand. I consider that our water but they do not want to share and lift me away whenever I take a sip. Rude!
Male human stopped with waterglass but Female human thought she was sneaky and put it on bed frame instead but I found it. After drinking I tipped it out over her head to teach lesson. She screamed but since she was awake she might as well give me food I thought. Instead she closed the bedroom door on me quite forcefully.
I say she is the cloaca but both old humans says I was. I think that as I am Cat I am never the cloaca
28points
#20
AITC for cannonball?
Am Mika, Torbie chonk (9F). At zoomie time (mum calls "freaking 3AM Mika!") I like to do cannonball. Cannonball is fun and gets good bounce.
Am Mika, Torbie chonk (9F). At zoomie time (mum calls "freaking 3AM Mika!") I like to do cannonball. Cannonball is fun and gets good bounce.
Mum says I do "Parkour zoomies" because I jump up and off all the things. Mums bedhead is big and solid and tall. I like to climb up- high of course! Am talented- and then do big scream so mum can wake up and watch.
I am very good at cannonball.
Then I jump straight onto mums stomach and do a big bounce and more zooms. Sometimes I have to use nails because mums blankets are slippery and good form is important in a cannon ball.
Mum says MITC because cannonball, sometimes spiky cannonball, but I say Mika Is NOT The Cloaca because cannonball is fun. Mum is awake when I land on her stomach because am polite and screm first. She gets to watch my cannonball so I don't see the problem.
So AITC for cannonball?
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27points
Moggehh finds the AITC stories relatable and silly in a way they can appreciate. They have only posted on the sub once, when it was founded, detailing how their cat had broken their most favorite mug in some late-night shenanigans.
Their all-time favorite story is the “AITC for bite feet” one, which you can find in this article. It details a common struggle of cat owners - pets attacking their feet when they are hanging out over their bed. The story even has an update a year later with the cat getting reflexively smacked in the face by the owner’s foot.
If you were wondering, that story does have a happy ending: “Since then I don't bite feet as much, especially when he's asleep. But don't worry I do still bite, just not as much as I did."