30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life

One time, I was in my bathroom, doing my hair and makeup with the door open. I wore form-fitted clothing — nothing absurdly tight but you could see my figure — and weighed 115–120 pounds at most. I've always been a stick and still am, even though I'm over 30 now. Anyway, my mother walked by and watched me for a moment. She made that 'tsk' sound, so I turned to her. We locked eyes in time for me to hear her say, 'You're getting fat.' She then left to lock herself in her room. It didn't stick with me because I believed her — I could look in a mirror and genuinely recognize that it was her projection — but because she was supposed to be my mother — the woman who's always in my corner, supporting me, being my rock and shield. It's stuck with me because, in that moment, I was able to recognize that she was broken. She was not this almighty person without faults. My parents were both narcissists, so it was kind of an epiphany for me. They always gaslighted me, and this was THE moment it all made sense to me.

So when my mother said that to me, she actually did me a favor because that gave me the clarity I truly needed. Without knowing it, she unknowingly gave me permission to completely disregard her words and behaviors from my conscience. As backward as it is when I think of that moment, I feel the freedom it gave me.

My mum daily told me she hated me. Wish I'd never been born. Wish I'd run under the nearest bus. Refused to buy me clothes (incl school uniform) as I was so fat, nothing looked good on me. I was a bit chubby, but not fat. This led to ful blown anorexia for 10 years. Then I was too thin, looked awful etc. Would never get a boyfriend. Wished I was as perfect as all her friends' children. Rubbed my underwear in my face when I hit puberty saying any 'discharge' was because I kept playing with myself (I had no idea what she was talking about).

My dad whom I adored sat there and said nothing as he was terrified of her. He later divorced her (fully supported his decision) but he divorced his children too. I don't know what's worse - what she did or my beloved dad rejecting me as an adult.

When I was told I'd never have children aged 20, apparently that was God as he knew I'd be a horrible parent. Well sod you, Mother, as I have 2 wonderful children that I adore and my friends and their friends always comment on our amazing relationship - my 2 kids adore each other too.

Our relationship is fractious to say the least as my memory serves me far too well. I despised her when I was growing up. I still can't bring myself to send her anything but blank mother's day cards as she does not fit the verses written inside.

Apart from low self esteem etc, I struggle to form any close relationship. Relationships or otherwise. I've been single since I divorced my children's father 16 years ago. But we're a very happy threesome. My son is at uni and I've no idea how I'll cope when my daughter goes next year. Both are doing medicine, BTW, which my mother is very jealous about!

I did ask her once why she did it. She claimed to be 'disciplining' me. I was a straight A pupil who never even had a detention at school.

It was only when I had my own children that I couldn't believe someone could treat their own child that way - if a stranger spoke to my kids the way she did to me, I'd kill them.

The fine line between discipline and child abuse ain't that bldy fine.

I'm sorry - Mother's Day in the UK was yesterday and I always find it difficult.

My mom's probably an AA cup, and any time I'd show any cleavage, it was like the world was coming to an end. When we would go clothes shopping, I was constantly told nothing would fit me because I had 'no boobs like her.' At the same time, showing any skin whatsoever was inappropriate. Basically, I only wore loose-fitting shirts until I graduated from high school. My mom also tried to convince me that I, too, was an AA cup. I wore the wrong bra size until I was 18–19. Thankfully, a friend in my first year of university took me bra fitting. Turns out, I'm actually a C cup

My mum would regularly remind me she was thin until she got pregnant with me. She would give me way more food than I could handle, and would scream at me if I didn't eat it all. I was slightly overweight, but she would always tell me I was too thin and that I needed to eat more. I became convinced she was trying to fatten me up to make herself feel better, so I started flushing my dinner down the toilet so she wouldn't yell at me for not finishing it.

Now I'm approaching my 30s and gaining weight. I've been having frequent anxiety attacks because I desperately don't want to be fat and miserable like she was.

My mom told me I didn’t have “ballet arms” when I was like six or seven. I quit dancing immediately and have always been self conscious of my arms.

my mom was a ballerina for like 15 years. I learned recently that when she and her sister were little, a teacher told her sister that she didn’t have ballet arms. I guess it made my mom feel special to have been chosen and she wanted to continue to feel special by putting me down

Trigger warning

Eating disorders, Alcoholism

My mom kept all her journals from her teen years. She had a very obvious undiagnosed eating disorder, so these journals mostly contained obsessive measurements of her chest, waist, hips, dress sizes, and weight.

She used to get drunk and weigh me to point out how much "less hot and healthy" I was compared to her. She would tell me that I was "wasting the great genes she gave me" by not being thin. Big yikes.

It created an eating disorder, as you might expect

I also got my belly button pierced in college, and she decided to tell me that she would look even better with a belly button piercing if I didn't make her have an emergency C-Section.

Any young girls reading this: you are so BEAUTIFUL and worth so much more than your weight or bra size. Don't let anyone make you think that you aren't.

Fellow moms of reddit: your child really pays attention to how you talk about bodies. Do so gracefully and respectfully, because that's what you and your child both deserve.

My mom a little, but especially my aunt. All the women in my family are flat-chested. Any time I'd have cleavage showing they'd act like they were getting blinded and tell me to cover up (I'm a C cup so it's not like I have monster boobs). My aunt lost a bunch of weight and was showing some new 'makeover' clothes she bought and said, "YOU could never wear this, your boobs are too big" like it was an insult. Not long after she claimed to have magically grown from an A to a C cup through her weight loss (which obviously makes no sense but she insisted it was from inhaling air pollutants where she lived). I later discovered she was buying too-big bras and stuffing them with gel pads so she could tell people her boobs had grown.

So catty.

“You’ll never be prettier than you are at 16” that was extremely wrong and very messy in my head

My mum straight up told me she was prettier/skinnier/younger looking than me when she was my age. She told my red headed sister that her hair was ugly (she was a bottle blonde, mousy brown naturally). I regularly heard that she got on public transport as under age when she was in her 20's. That she was anorexic (said proudly btw) in her teens. Ugh, even on her deathbed she was proud of how skinny she was. Due to her illness. It was very important to her to be skinny

My mom always told me she would help me pay for a nose job if I ever wanted one. I grew up thinking I was so ugly and that my nose ruined my face. I now know that I'm not ugly at all, but my nose is still my biggest insecurity.

I had acne as a teen & I remember she got me a blackhead removal kit as a Christmas gift one year. I spent a literal hour in the bathroom mashing my face with these tools & when I came out & asked if it looked better, she responded "no, I can still play connect the dots on your face." I went into the bathroom & cried while looking in the mirror before sinking to the floor.

My mother found some jeans from her 20s, and when I tried them on she chortled that she had been smaller in her 20s than I was in my teens.

Jesus you guys I am so sorry. Your moms sound awful! No young woman should ever have to hear that shit especially from their mother or women who are supposed to protect them. My mom put an emphasis on looks and weight and has some unhealthy body image issues that certainly rubbed off on me. But she was always building me up and telling me how beautiful I was. Sometimes putting too much importance on looks and attraction from men but after reading y’alls comments- DAMN! I would have preferred this treatment over yours’. I hope if any of you have daughters you build them up and break that hateful ugly cycle. We women have to be better and love each other.

My mother (and others) used to say I was ugly or said certain things to or about me that made me feel ugly. Obviously I grew up with major self-esteem and confidence issues, hating the way I looked (I still do to a certain extent). Looking back at old photos though, me being unattractive was far from the truth. It pains me to think of the many years I spent literally hiding away from the world because of (among other things) anxiety about the way I looked. I am not sure if my mom was actually bitter or jealous... I think she had periods of general unhappiness/discontent with her own life that she took it out on me, putting me down. I never confronted her about her words. We have a better relationship now even though I still struggle with body dysmorphia.

I was in the best shape of my life in high school. I played varsity sports and was really proud of myself. One time, I showed my mom a bikini I purchased for a pool party. She responded, 'Girls your size shouldn't wear bikinis,' then smiled and bragged about how she weighed less than I did when she was pregnant. At the time, I was 5'2" and weighed 125 pounds with D cups. When my mom had me, she was 5' and weighed 100 pounds with A cups. She put me on my first diet when I was 8 because I started growing breasts. No elementary school child should be forced to drink SlimFast — especially at school lunch

When I struggled with acne as a teen, my adoptive father initiated a dinner table discussion about how I 'didn't wash my face, obviously, because only boys get pimples.' My mom — who'd never had a pimple in her life despite not washing her face — started too. After about five minutes, I emotionlessly said, 'I really don't care.' My mom responded, 'Yeah, of course, you wouldn't. You don't have to look at yourself. Everyone else has to. I didn't respond. Instead, I got up to clean my plate, but my mom came storming into the kitchen after me, screaming about what sort of an asshole and immature, teenage-whatever I was.

I didn't say a word at first, then calmly said, 'Someone has to behave like the adult around here,' and walked away. She shouted, 'Go to your room and don't come out! I don't want to see you!' Ever since then, I developed body dysmorphic disorder around my skin

When I was 20, ultra low-rise jeans were popular. Because of that, I bought my first pair of bikini, string-style underwear. I don't remember how my mom found them, but when she saw them, she asked, 'How doesn't your pubic hair stick out?' I side-eyed her and said, '...I shave it.' She then gave me the most disgusted look as though I were a horrible person for shaving so that I could look nice in underwear. In my early 30s, I started eating clean and lifting heavy weights. I ended up losing weight, and she said, 'Are you trying to be anorexic or something?'" Both of those experiences stuck out to me — I remember her tone of voice, the disgust on her face, the inability to accept me for being different from her. I'm 41 now, and it still bugs me

My mum used to do some modelling and she’d bring it up constantly whenever anyone complimented me. I remember being in my early teens and her putting huge pressure on me to turn out like she did.

Now that we’re well past that and I’m more confident in myself i can tell she was just jealous. But for a few years I really felt disconnected from her and I couldn’t ever feel comfortable in my own skin

My mom absolutely refused to believe I had bigger boobs than her, I complained about being a D cup and then a DD cup and she wouldn't buy me the correct size bra until we went to victoria's secret and I got measured as a DD cup and then she thought they were upselling me to make me feel good? Turned out she had D cups too that she had been squeezing into B cups for years.

My mum has told me for years that she doesn't understand how she could have produced a fat, ugly child like me as she was such a beautiful and slim woman when she became pregnant with me. It stuck with me for many many years and I had such a low opinion of myself until I met someone a few years ago who gave me my self esteem back.