Are you a standup comedy fan? Admittedly, this type of entertainment is not for everyone. However, if you are having not the best day of your life, all it may take to brighten things up for you are a couple of funny quotes. After all, scientists keep saying that laughter is the best medicine and prolongs your life.
Some comedians are so good at their job, they can come up with funny sayings not only when they are on stage but also during interviews or on social media. But you don’t need to be a professional comedian with one-liners up your sleeve at all times to be considered witty. Some celebrities also have quite a reputation for making us laugh in real life. One good example would be Ryan Reynolds, whose entertaining and sometimes sarcastic quotes on Twitter earned him a huge following.
And of course, Mr. Deadpool is not the only celebrity with quick wits. If you are looking for funny quotes for bio on your social media accounts, or funny short captions for today’s selfie, we have gathered quite a collection of witty things comedians and other celebrities have once said. You can come back to this article anytime you need funny inspirational quotes to help you through the day, a witty response to an email, or just a good laugh.
#21
"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." – George Carlin
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#22
"I finished a big book the other day. 421 pages. That’s a lot of coloring when you think about it." - Adam Sandler
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#23
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." – Steve Martin
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#24
“What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.“ – Redd Foxx
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#25
"There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it." ― Mindy Kaling
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#26
"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life… unless I buy something." - Jackie Mason
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#27
"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them." – Mitch Hedberg
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#28
"I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort." – Zach Galifianakis
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#29
"I told him comedy—real comedy—wasn’t only tellin’ jokes. It was about telling the truth..." - Richard Pryor
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#30
“Humor is just another defense against the universe.” ― Mel Brooks
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#31
“If God had written the Bible, the first line should have been ‘It’s round.'” – Eddie Izzard
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#32
"By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere." - Billy Crystal
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#33
“I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.“ – Ron White
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#34
“The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.” — Mark Russell
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#35
“If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.“ — Gilbert Gottfried
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#36
“There’s 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There’s big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.“ – Gabriel Iglesias
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#37
“The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius.“ – Sid Caesar
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#38
“As long as the world is turning and spinning, we’re gonna be dizzy and we’re gonna make mistakes.” — Mel Brooks
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#39
“Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.“ – Larry David
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#40
"I’ve been fired a lot. I prefer to call it just another stop on my Burning Bridges Tour." - Maria Bamford
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