71 Absolute Masterclass Comebacks So Brilliantly Written You May Want To Save Them For Later Use

The first time I heard this was in GTA: SA, CJ randomly yells it at people he crashed into:

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Are you a professional moron? Or just a gifted amateur?

I'm not insulting you. i'm describing you.

"I expected nothing and I'm still disappointed

I bet your parents try to change the subject when their friends ask how you’re doing.

You are impossible to underestimate.

You're a complete tool but not half as useful.

You're just a collection of personality flaws masquerading as a person.

Why are you playing so hard to get when you're already hard to want.

At my old job we had a guy we would refer to as *"If he was any dumber, we'd have to water him"*.

This one always stuck with me.

"What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

You look like you know the brand of windows by taste

In 8th grade I told a teacher, “If I was half the man you were, I’d be a quarter of the man I am.” I said stupid things all the time without any forethought, so I was impressed when that one made sense. Teacher was too, but he made me write everything on the whiteboard anyway. I’ve used it sparingly since then. It starts out sounding like a compliment, but ends up being an insult, so it takes people by surprise when used in light banter.

"You are the human equivalent of a participation award.".

Got in a bit of an altercation with my partner’s ex out at the bar. She’s literally one inch taller than legally being a little person. So 4’11 I think.

When she started getting mouthy I stole a line from the Office and told her to

“Calm down, booster seat. No ones talking to you”

Instantly shut the convo down. Was glorious.

U have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.

If you were any more inbred you'd be a sandwich.

“I have neither the patience, nor the crayons to explain this to you”.

"You're as bright as a black hole and twice as dense."

Twatwaffle.

You look like you spend more time on regret management than goal achievement.