Have you noticed that as the holiday season approaches, family drama increases? I think spending too much time with your family has its drawbacks. Probably many of you will agree that as you rarely meet your extended family or in-laws, it’s possible to have a better relationship.
However, it’s nothing new that some people try to avoid this Christmas celebration chaos and simply choose to skip it. Well, this Reddit user will probably also be one of them - she shares that her sister-in-law decided that it was a good idea to name her unborn son and even made a stocking with this name. Now, the woman refuses to come until she changes it.
More info: Reddit
The only right thing to do is to understand that naming a child is the parents' responsibility and privilege they may or may not share
Image credits: Дарья Рублева (not the actual photo)
This woman shares that her SIL is usually nice with her, but after finding out she’s pregnant with a boy, her SIL insisted that she name him Tommy
Image credits: Nicole Michalou (not the actual photo)
She refused, as she has a different name in mind, and asked her SIL to respect her decision, to which she agreed
Image credits: Goran Grudic (not the actual photo)
However, her SIL is hosting Christmas for the family and she hung stockings with her kids', nephews' and nieces’ names and one of them was Tommy - for the woman’s son
Image credits: u/Dear_Beyond8984
Once she found out, there was a big fight and she refused to come to Christmas dinner if her SIL didn't remove the stocking with the name Tommy
A few days ago, a Reddit user shared her story online, asking community members if she was being a jerk for refusing to attend her in-laws’ Christmas party unless her sister-in-law removes a stocking that has a different name than the one she chose for her unborn son. The post caught a lot of attention and collected over 10.3K upvotes and 2.6K comments.
To begin with, the original poster (OP) shares that her husband is pretty close with his sister and she’s also nice towards her, but seems a bit controlling sometimes. However, there were no issues until OP became pregnant. After finding out that they are going to have a boy, SIL insisted that they name him Tommy. OP has another name in mind, thus refused, and it looked like everyone understood.
Well, as it turned out - not really. The woman’s SIL, as usual, is hosting Christmas dinner this year, and OP was planning on coming until she discovered that her SIL had hung stockings with all the kids’ names, including ‘Tommy’ for her unborn son. Understandably, the woman lost it, which ended in a big fight and OP’s refusal to come to the Christmas dinner if she doesn’t remove it.
OP’s husband wasn’t too happy about the whole situation and told OP that she was trying to ruin his important family tradition, that she can’t tell his sister what she can and what she can’t do. Thus, while the family is divided about the whole situation, OP still refuses to come but admits that she feels ashamed and asks people online if she overreacted.
The community members gave the woman the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge, discussing that OP’s SIL is bullying her and her husband is supporting his sister. “Please be sure to speak to your nurses when you give birth. Let them know under NO circumstance is anyone allowed to fill out the paperwork without you,” one user wrote. “She doesn't get to name your child. Ask your spineless spouse if he is intending to raise a baby with your sister, or with you,” another added.
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
“When people outside of the married couple insist on a certain name for an unborn child, this selfish insistence can negatively affect all family relationships,” Dr. Carla Marie Manly, who is a clinical psychologist, life fulfillment expert, and author, shared with Bored Panda. She also notes that it’s important for family members to honor the sanctity of the married couple and their decisions.
Now, speaking about unresolved family conflicts that may affect relationships, Dr. Carla emphasizes that they can have a wide-reaching impact on the overall family system. “If even one member of the family system creates havoc, the remaining members of the family are often negatively affected.”
She notes that in general, any dysfunction within a family that is not resolved in a healthy way will create both short and long-term differences of varying degrees. And unfortunately, unresolved family rifts can create havoc that lasts for generations.
Finally, she says that in a healthy marriage, the partner’s first responsibility is to their spouse. “Especially given that Todd's wife is well within her rights to choose the name of her unborn child, Todd would be wise to staunchly back his wife’s position.”
“In many cases, unresolved issues from childhood tend to crop up in later years. It is possible that Todd's sister is experiencing feelings of jealousy and a desire to exert control. Unfortunately, the sister’s actions may negatively impact her family relationships for many years to come,” Dr. Carla added.
Of course, don’t forget to check out her podcast Imperfect Love, which you can find on all major podcast platforms and upcoming book The Joy of Imperfect Love!
Redditors backed up the woman and assured her that she had every right to get mad
