Marlo argues that what can be best about the holiday times can also be why people struggle so much; for example, the holidays are often known as a time to celebrate home, family, friends, and loved ones.
“When these parts of life—that is, home, family, and friends—have conflicts or there is loss, it can be a painful time, and the constant holiday reminders and rituals become triggers for grief, anxiety, depression, and traumas,” the psychoanalyst explained.
Moreover, “holiday depression and anxiety can happen when good times with family and friends are disappointing or do not meet expectations, or if such relationships that one is supposed to be celebrating with at this time are unfulfilling or missing in one’s life.”
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Holidays are seen as a time for joy, fun and connection. People get out of their normal routine over the holidays. But according to Marlo, the demand for joy and the lack of routine can be hard for many people.
“Many people can actually struggle with accessing and being with good feelings and being out of their safe, known routine, which the holidays often demand. Some people, paradoxically, find uncomfortable states, like being stressed, anxious and depressed more comfortable, easier, and familiar to them. Many find simply being present in the moment, without judgment, and/or having positive feeling states is hard to feel and sustain,” Marlo explained.
In fact, Marlo added that “the expectations for having fun, joy, connection, and play can overwhelm some people who are limited in their ability to be with positive feelings and/or who find it hard to relax, have fun, and feel joy.”
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Marlo continued by pointing out that many people struggle with getting out of their routine. “It often requires emotional and cognitive flexibility and creativity. They feel strained being with the unexpected, which leads to negative mood states. The stresses of meeting or engaging with people over the holidays can be challenging for many,” the psychoanalyst told Bored Panda.
And while winter holidays are meant to be the most joyful time of the year, for many people, the hype and expectations around the holidays are a stark reminder of all they do not have in life. “One may see how their life and their relationships do not match images of holiday love and fun, especially as portrayed in media and on social media,” Marlo told us.
“Comparison can be a killer of joy and many incessantly compare if their holiday—if what they have or how they celebrated—is better or worse than another,” Marlo added. She concluded by adding that people with unresolved losses or traumas, relationship conflict, and who struggle with addictions are often particularly vulnerable to developing more severe holiday blues.
Bored Panda reached out to Redditor Cuddle-Cactus2468, who shared a picture of their 2.5-year-old chocolate lab named Addy who found and opened her own present while the family was gone, without disturbing the rest of the presents. “I don't know if that makes her naughty or nice?” the caption said in a post shared on the r/Aww subreddit.
“She was bred to be a hunting dog but the original owners quickly learned she wanted nothing to do with it. She doesn't like being outside in the cold, riding in pickup trucks, and definitely does not like guns. In the summer of 2020, our family experienced a devastating suicide, then in the fall of 2020, our family dog crossed the Rainbow Bridge. We found Addy on a rehoming Facebook page in March 2021,” the Redditor told us.
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Addy is an old soul with just a little bit of mischief. “She gives the best hugs and immediately brought joy back into our home. She gave my husband his smiley eyes back!” This year, this was their second Christmas with Addy; however, it was the first one with a tree and presents out, because the family had a water line burst last year.
“She received a bag of dog-grade tennis balls and a heavy duty Kong toy that she has not yet destroyed,” Addy’s owner said. When asked how Addy could possibly know which presents under the tree were hers, the Redditor explained: “Our neighbors have a male bull mastiff and a male French bulldog. For Christmas, I sewed them matching neckties and they got Addy a bag of dog-grade tennis balls aptly named ‘The Dog's Balls.’"
The Redditor believes that Addy knew it was for her because it smelled like her friends and it smelled like a dog toy. “What Addy likes about the holiday season is lots of pets and treats from visitors. What she doesn't like is that it's cold outside,” Cuddle-Cactus2468 concluded.
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