When it comes to online dating, Czolbe has a few tips on how to make it fun and interesting. First things first: you have to be yourself. “Create a profile that screams 'you.' Use recent, unfiltered photos, and write a bio that captures your essence. Honesty is the secret sauce for cooking up meaningful connections.”
She also encourages to prioritize quality over quantity. “Rather than pursuing many connections simultaneously, focus on a few quality interactions. This approach can lead to more meaningful and fulfilling connections.”
She notes that this tactic might not only lead to deeper connections, but also will be great for your own sanity. “Keeping up with several conversations at the same time is really challenging. You mix up the different people and ask George about the sister he turns out not to have—whoops!”
A few other important things that Czolbe lists is prioritizing safety, keeping a positive attitude, and taking time to take care of your own personal needs and aspirations.
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Another big thing is staying open-minded. “Picture this: you've got this big circle that represents all your expectations, and you're trying to fit someone inside. But guess what? It's like trying to squeeze a watermelon into a lunchbox - it's just not gonna work.
So, I encourage folks to ditch the rigid checklists. Keep an open mind, and you might find yourself pleasantly surprised by the unique qualities of someone who didn't tick all your preconceived boxes.”
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In fact, managing expectations is one of the crucial things when it comes to online dating. “It’s all too easy to conjure up grand fantasies about your potential match. You know, based on those heart-fluttering messages and a carefully curated profile. It's like writing a movie script in your head, and you're the star.”
Solution? Meet with your match as soon as possible. “It's like turning on the lights in a dimly lit room; you'll get a more accurate view of your potential partner and avoid investing too much emotional energy in an imaginary superstar.”
Dating in general requires you to be aware of what we expect from our potential partners. “We've all picked up some wonky ideas about love from movies, magazines, and Aunt Jane's advice at family gatherings. But it's time to separate the rom-com illusions from reality.”
A good example of that is a partner that does it all. “In today's complex world, we all play various roles - professional, friend, lover, family member, and more. The expectation that a romantic partner should fulfill every aspect of our lives can be overwhelming. By recognizing the value of diversifying our support systems, we can maintain healthier, well-rounded relationships.”
So, you have an honest profile, a good attitude, and realistic expectations, and it’s still not working out—you get discouraged by all the rejections. How do you deal with that? Czolbe’s advice is to try and normalize people saying no to you. “Rejection is like that side dish that comes with every dating meal and almost everyone gets a taste at some point."
She notes that Ken Page, the author of Deeper Dating, claims that 90% of people we date aren’t even the right match for us, so we should expect for people to turn us down.
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A great way to deal with rejection is remember that this is not just about you. “It's often about the other person's issues or their cryptic texting skills, not your worth. So, we switch the narrative from 'I must have done something wrong' to 'I'm a catch, and they missed out.' It's like a self-esteem boost with a sprinkle of empowerment.” For example, if you get ghosted, she encourages people to view it as a reflection of the other person's inability to communicate, rather than a personal failing.
#16 Went On A Date. Said I Was Looking For Something More Serious, No Hookups, And He Left Immediately. A Couple Months Later And I Get This Message
#18 Part Of The Time-Honored Tradition Of Making A Dating Profile That Demands Everything And Provides Nothing
According to Czolbe, self-reflection and self-growth should also be a part of dating life. “Dive into self-development, explore hobbies, and figure out what truly matters to you. Find the activities that feed your identity and independence, and you'll not only be a more attractive date, but you'll also enrich your own life in the process.”
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