Human beings are social animals. Most of us crave acceptance, connection, love, and respect. An 85-year Harvard study found that our positive relationships empower us, make us resilient, and actually lead to healthier, happier, and longer lives. But social isolation is horrible for our physical and mental health. When somebody is ostracized from their social circle or society, it takes a toll and can even put them on a warpath in life.
In a viral thread started by user u/WANACWaac, the r/AskReddit online community shared stories of what happened to the social outcasts they knew and how they got revenge against their communities after growing up. We’ve picked out some of the most powerful and emotional stories, which you’ll find as you scroll down. Though, keep in mind, some of them are very sensitive.
Bored Panda got in touch with the author of the candid discussion, Isaiah Taylor, aka u/WANACWaac, and he shared his perspective on outcasts, tolerance, and people judging one another. Read on for our full interview with him.
#1
I have a very positive spin on this!
I was a bit of an outcast growing up in my neighborhood. Grew up in a weird sad neighborhood that was all ex gang members or dirt poor pill poppers. I never really fit in with any of my peers because I was just not interested in a lot of the same things. I was made fun of a lot by classmates, some teachers and a LOT of adults in my neighborhood. Definitely pushed out. But I had a huge passion for education, specifically food education. Where I grew up was the poster for food desert. After I graduated college, I moved back and volunteered at the library in the middle of that hellhole. I will spare you a lot of the details and minor (but important to me) stories, but I started a bustling community garden that got involved with a lot of charities because of my college connections and helped create a ton of resources to help my community. Food banks, job assistance, adult education assistance and community gardens for the children so they could have fresh food and actually learn it. It still has a good handful of problems, but I know for a fact I helped out people who were really s****y to me. And I do genuinely smile knowing they got their s**t together. There is .05% of smugness knowing they have to thank me after mocking me for being more interested in the plants than their own interests. Didn’t burn down the village, per se, but I guess I burnt down the mindset some. Got the hell out of there, though! Still nice to drive through and see the garden still kickin :).
I was a bit of an outcast growing up in my neighborhood. Grew up in a weird sad neighborhood that was all ex gang members or dirt poor pill poppers. I never really fit in with any of my peers because I was just not interested in a lot of the same things. I was made fun of a lot by classmates, some teachers and a LOT of adults in my neighborhood. Definitely pushed out. But I had a huge passion for education, specifically food education. Where I grew up was the poster for food desert. After I graduated college, I moved back and volunteered at the library in the middle of that hellhole. I will spare you a lot of the details and minor (but important to me) stories, but I started a bustling community garden that got involved with a lot of charities because of my college connections and helped create a ton of resources to help my community. Food banks, job assistance, adult education assistance and community gardens for the children so they could have fresh food and actually learn it. It still has a good handful of problems, but I know for a fact I helped out people who were really s****y to me. And I do genuinely smile knowing they got their s**t together. There is .05% of smugness knowing they have to thank me after mocking me for being more interested in the plants than their own interests. Didn’t burn down the village, per se, but I guess I burnt down the mindset some. Got the hell out of there, though! Still nice to drive through and see the garden still kickin :).
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193points
According to Psychologist Rick Hanson, Ph.D., accepting other people doesn’t necessarily mean that you agree with them or approve of them. However, as he explains, “you can simply let people be” and accept that they exist as they are, not as you’d like them to be.
“You may not like it, you may not prefer it, you may feel sad or angry about it, but at a deeper level, you are at peace with it. That alone is a blessing. And sometimes, your shift to acceptance can help things get better,” Hanson explains.
Meanwhile, Psychologist Kipling D. Williams claims that ostracism is an invisible form of abuse. Ostracized individuals tend to go through three stages. They first feel pain, then they enter the ‘coping’ stage, which is followed by ‘resignation.’ The latter is when someone gives up after becoming depressed and feels helpless to change anything.
#2
One kid at my old school was relentlessly bullied for being gay. One day she had enough, went up to her main bully during lunch one day and beat the ever living sh*te out of him (for context she was a very short and skinny girl while he was the typical jock). No one ever bothered her again after that and she was forever known as the 'Nut-Smasher'. I actually ran into her a while back while visiting family in my home town and we chatted for a bit. Turns out she is married and adopted a kid with her wife and all around looked a lot happier than she was in school.
191points
#3
There was that nuclear revenge post about a guy ostracized by the entire town, i think cause he was born out of wedlock, and after getting out of there became an inspector of some kind. Eventually he was given a list of factories that needed reviewing and one needed to close. The factory in his home town was on the list. He goes there, inspects, they act all buddy buddy thinking they're safe from closure. Boy were they wrong! Every infraction, breach of safety, incorrect anything went into his report. The whole town basically was built around that factory and when it shut down the town was desolate and dead within a few years.
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179points
People are often paradoxical. On the one hand, they’re often warm, kind, friendly, and welcoming. On the other hand, they’re extremely quick to judge others based on initial impressions. Not only that, but they might push someone away because they’re slightly different than them.
Ostracism can happen due to a variety of reasons. Broadly speaking, people tend to judge others when there’s a mismatch in values, behavior, status, or even appearance. Someone who was born out of wedlock or lives in a poorer household might be pushed away in their community, which can breed resentment, frustration, and anger over the long term.
#4
Someone I used to have in a support group I once helped run for sexually victimized and abused young men shared with us what happened to him.
I'm not going into the finer details of it but the broadstroke is he was being victimized by a TA. He went to other teachers, school admins, and even police. No one believed him and he even got punished for "making it up to get a staff member in trouble".
It destroyed his personality. He became bitter, resentful, spiteful, and generally hateful of other people. He was improving his demeanor in the group but from what he tells us he just "wanted to watch the world die" at the time.
A couple years later that same TA tripped down the stair well in one of the side hallways of the school and he happened to be nearby. He saw she was badly injured and likely had broken bones and was bleeding from her head. Instead of helping her he literally stepped over her and pretended she wasn't there. Security footage showed he wasn't the one to push her but when asked why he didn't say anything or get help he simply said that last time he tried to tell people about something involving her no one helped so why would they this time?
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171points
#5
This one actually happened to me with help from Reddit! I went to an extremely conservative (i.e. culty) Christian school from pre-k to 8th grade. When I told my class I thought it was wrong to pray for the death of gay people and that I stood up for gay rights, the entire school turned against me. My friends made up lies about me being a lesbian trying to assault them, and the teachers believed it, threatening me physically. It was terrifying, but I pushed through my last year there holding my values.
Anyways, a year later, at a new secular school, I wrote up a summary of what happened, sharing it with my family and friends on Facebook. A friend of mine saw it and posted the story to r/atheism and all hell (lol) broke loose. Despite censoring names, the subreddit found out the name of the school and started a campaign to shame them for their actions. There were so many calls to their administration they had to change their number.
All the bad press made virtually every family pull their kids out of the school. A year later, the school shut down due to lack of students. No other kid would get hurt. Thanks, Reddit ❤️.
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146points
#6
Growing up, our neighbors had a couple boys (10 & 14 +/- at the time of this story). The younger son had a good friend that would stay at their house VERY frequently. He was always pretty quiet and kept to himself, except when he was with his friend, the 10 y/o, which was when he could be himself. One day we find out that he was permanently moving in with my neighbors due to an “unsafe situation” at home. Apparently this poor kid got to watch his mother be murdered by her boyfriend, all because d***s. Right. In. Front. Of. Him. The 10 year old. Luckily my neighbors stepped up and offered to take him in, which was actually great for everyone. He really started to blossom and became pretty stable, with a caveat: he just didn’t take any s**t. From anyone. Which leads us to our terrific act of rebellion. Like everyone else in our neighborhood, we rode the bus home. This kid is riding home from elementary school when the bus driver started going off on the kids for real, or imagined indiscretions. Well, this kid takes offense to this and speaks up on behalf of the rest of the kids. Bus driver, now royally pissed (angry, for our non us crowd) tells this kid “one more word and I’m kicking you off the bus!” Well, you are correct in your assumption of what transpired next. Kid gets kicked off the bus, which royally pisses HIM off, so cue MC. Kid walks off the bus, and immediately walks in front of the bus. We were about a mile from his normal stop at our street, and this was a 2 lane road with sporadic oncoming traffic. No way the driver could get away with trying to pass, so he drove at a walking pace until the kid got to our street. Parents were wondering where their children were, as everyone was now 30+ minutes late, and were overall very amused when they discovered the cause. Still about the most proud of a 10 year old I’ve ever been, and I have 2 of my own! Anyway, I gotta look that guy up. Hope he’s well….
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142points
Social isolation increases the risk of serious health problems. It increases the risk of dementia by a whopping 50%, heart disease by 29%, and stroke by 32%. Not only that, but socially isolated individuals are more prone to developing depression and anxiety, diabetes, and issues with substance abuse.
The CDC reports that more than 1 in 3 American adults who are aged 45 and over feel lonely. People more at risk of social isolation tend to have lower income and physical or mental health problems. They also often live alone, have disabilities, and have been the victims of abuse. The emotional toll is immense. But in financial terms, loneliness costs the US economy around $406 billion per year, while social isolation costs it another $6.7 billion annually.
#7
A kid who was relentlessly bullied at my school for years sued the district and got an upper 6 figure settlement.
I mean, that's the short version of how it went down.
He had years of documentation of going to the principal, teachers, counselors, even the super intendant. They all either did nothing or made empty promises that they didn't keep. He had documentation for it all.
The highlight was when the lacrosse team jammed a lacrosse stick up his butt not once, but twice and the only consequence was one of the kids being suspended for 2 days.
I should also add that this isn't a rural school in the deep south. It's a suburban school located in a liberal part of New York.
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128points
#8
Not a village but a woman’s marriage. When I was in elementary I was forced to be in the “normal” music class instead of the “special ed” class (I’m going to the proper terms, mainstreamed and assisted cuz I like them more) for years. Even after my mom and both of my therapists requested I get put in the assisted class for sensory reasons (I’m autistic and had sensory overloads daily in this class) the teacher said I was lying to them and always did quiet activities when someone sat in on the class. So I suffered every Monday and Wednesday I had school from when I was four to when I was ten.
But then I went to middle school and life moved on. I still loved music so I tried to join choir. I was denied for two years but got in when I was 12. I’m a pretty good singer and had no other extracurricular activities so I began helping the choir director. Eventually he asks me if his daughter, who’s also autistic, could be good with music like I was. He says her music teacher in elementary school says she’s terrible with music and throws tantrums in class. I say she’s most likely not having tantrum instead having a sensory overload because 30 eight year olds playing the recorder at once is hell. Other than a few other questions about his daughter it’s the last I hear of this elementary school music class.
A couple years later I’m bringing my mom lunch in my old high school (she works there as an assisted class teacher) and I see my old choir director and his daughter. We catch up and eventually they leave to get lunch together and I chat with my mom. She says “you know, you’re one of the reasons he divorced his wife.” I’m like “What?!?” And she explains that his ex wife was the elementary school music teacher and when i said elementary school music class is sensory hell he found out she doesn’t believe autism exists and thinks you can fix neurodivergent kids by making them so uncomfortable they “become normal”. Not a good attitude for the mom of an autistic kid. She also refused to take a course on how to teach mainstreamed special needs kids so she also lost her job. No regrets.
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122points
#9
I'm friends with this kid who during senior year took some dynamite he had managed to obtain and blew up some local rich families vehicles. The kid did this all because the families had his home forcibly foreclosed on to build a country club. This kids family had lived on that land since the 1820s and those rich a******s f****d em over. Dude did get some minor legal troubles but last I heard he was a demolition expert in the army.
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114points
“I have experienced feelings of loneliness and moments in which I’m alone, and there is a definite difference between the two,” Isaiah, who created the viral thread, opened up to Bored Panda.
“For example, have you wanted to be within proximity of a company while maintaining your choice of personal space? My answer to that question would be yes, a hundred times yes! And that, to me at least, is the difference between being alone and being lonely. A person who is lonely is too alone, yet they are on a spiritual, mental, and physical spectrum.
We asked Isaiah for his perspective as to why so many of us are so quick to judge each other. “The reason people are so quick to judge the next person's difference is usually due to a seemingly endless search to find the difference within self or they have recognized the difference within themselves and have not learned to appreciate it,” he shared his point of view.
#10
“Barry” was new to our school in upper East Tennessee back in 2005. Barry was a talented and athletic boy who was quickly recruited to play every sport the school offered. The only problem was that Barry was black in an area where such “offenses” out ruled his physical talent. Barry and I became quick friends as we shared a majority of our classes, and we would often talk in excitement about the upcoming sports seasons.
He planned to play all three sports (football, basketball, and baseball) where I only played baseball. After a few weeks of football practice, however, his demeanor changed, and he began to share about the racist happenings of his time at our school. I was privileged in the fact that up to this point I had never directly witnessed racism or would have thought my classmates capable of such actions.
Raccoons were hung gutted and bleeding over the contents of his locker. Dead animals were removed daily from the windshield of his car, and threatening notes were found placed on his gear before each practice. He played exactly 1 game for our school. While my friends and I were cheering for our team, my heart sank when I heard chants of n***** and c*** coming from our stands directed toward a teenager on the field wearing our jersey. His team mates would blindside him after a play to the delight of the “adults” in the stands, and after the game he wasn’t allowed to shower until the other boys had finished.
Barry called me that night to tell me he was transferring to a rival school who had a more diverse population. I was heartbroken and disappointed in my town and my school. I told him that he would be missed by those of us who got to know him, but we understood that this was a necessary change.
Barry was allowed to transfer schools and, due to the location of his home, continue the season without sitting out the remainder of the year. He returned to our town wearing a different jersey, surrounded by team mates who protected him, and proceeded to hand our school the worst defeat we had suffered in years. Following the game he didn’t speak to anyone, didn’t grandstand, didn’t celebrate. He simply walked off the field. What he did on the football field that night spoke volumes.
I kept up with Barry for a few years after, but we have since lost contact. Last we spoke around 2009 , he was on a small university football team working toward a degree in business. I hope to one day see his name as the CEO of a very successful company.
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95points
#11
As an affair child I was treated harshly by my parents. My goal and plans will take about 3 months to finish. I'm going to expose my parents for the abusive treatment I received as a child. This I will do in front of everyone at their church. My parents present themselves as good church people and I look forward to exposing my mother as a serial cheater and exposing my father as a draft dodging coward.
90points
#12
Back in the 80s as a kid, I was on a town swim team. There were older (3-4 years mostly) kids that bullied me relentlessly. Wet towel snapping, tripping, slamming into lockers, everything you could think of. Adults never believed me when I complained, nor would they even bother to have someone supervise the area.
One day they were pulling their usual s**t in the locker room. About 2 dozen boys were in the room, and of course no adults around. After getting shoved multiple times I made it to a bathroom stall. I locked the door and stood on the toilet so they couldn't reach me. Everyone was hooting it up and egging the bullies on.
At this point, I snapped. I knew there was only one thing I could do.
I pissed on him.
With great deliberation I dropped trou, aimed my prepubescent pea shooter at the crack between the door and divider and let loose like a fire hose on the bully. I don't know how long I manage to shoot off, but the cheering quickly turned to screams and swears as they realized what I just did.
Of course they ran off to find the coaches and claim to be the victims. Thankfully there were a few others that corroborated my story.
My punishment was that for 2 weeks I had to change in a separate locker room by myself.
The bullies? Kicked off the team. Never saw them again.
That was the last time anyone bullied me there.
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89points
“We are all books whose stories cannot and should not be plagiarized! Our differences are all various shades of various colors splattered across this blank canvas we call EXISTENCE, and those differences are what make us unique masterpieces to be admired in the gallery of LIFE.”
In the meantime, the author of the viral thread shared his thoughts on how everyone can become more tolerant and understanding. “The only way I see us becoming more tolerant of one another would be to show more concern toward our fellow human and to show more compassion for our fellow human,” he told Bored Panda.
“We are all trying—some harder than others—but nevertheless, we are all trying. Whether it is trying to fit in, trying to stand out, trying to be the best version of ourselves, or maybe just trying to be better than we were a second, minute, hour, day, week, month, or year ago…WE ARE ALL TRYING!”
#13
One of my friends in high school was a major over achiever. Stayed at school or work as much as possible, to the point where he may have spent an hour or less at home a day. He would always deflect questions about his home life, but confided in me that it was bad. Calling him the black sheep of the family would be a major understatement. His family had some money, not millionaire or billionaire but better off than most, and they told him from elementary school he would always be useless and never amount to anything.
He is making bank after getting through college and finding a bomb job with a big pharmaceutical company. Meanwhile his fathers company, that has been in the family for a few generations, got picked apart by the government. “Someone” tipped them off that he was lying on taxes, hiring immigrants for next to nothing, hiding osha violations, and much more. As the dust was settling and the damage was really being seen, my buddy drove to his former family home and dropped of a file. The same file he gave an attorney that gave it to the government, and only said, “who won’t amount to anything?”.
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85points
#14
A pastor I lived next to constantly berated a kid in my class about everything from his hair length to him not fully embracing the "word of the lord".
The kid routinely went into the pastors backyard and would s**t in his pool along with several of his friends all at once. They would also throw dead animals they found in there as well ranging from a squirrel to a opossum.
Honestly, don't even blame the kid. That pastor was judgmental as f**k and no one liked him.
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82points
#15
I’m a lesbian and was pretty much outcasted by my family when I came out. They were all pretty abusive. I still babysat my sisters a lot because I wanted a relationship. For reference I’m 22 and they’re 6 months and 4.
Recently, my girlfriend and I were able to get custody. My Mom is pretty much out of the picture at this point.
That whole side of the family that ousted me. Either wants custody or visitation with the babies. They get nothing. The last grandchild, the baby of the family, the cute little princess they all want to hold and dress up. But god forbid she has an opinion. They get nothing now.
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80points
#16
In college my ex tried to turn everyone against me and claimed I was abusive and manipulative and some terrible s**t. She forgot I had access to her test cheat sheet and message logs where she said some stuff that her family was very sensitive to.
She got me in trouble with the school from her lies so I gave the school a copy of the cheat sheet and got her expelled and blacklisted from almost every college she could have gone to and released the messages to her family which stopped supporting her.
She coulda just broke up with me and not lied.
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80points
#17
Personal story.
I grew up on a farm, nearest neighbor was a mile away. My village was my family, but I was the one that wasn't wanted. My father wanted me to be a mold of what he wanted. My mother was abused by him emotionally and mentally. My oldest brother watched as my father and other brother abused me physically and sexually. After I escaped, I told everyone what happened. I told the farming coop and local church community how horrible my father is and how my brother is a monster. I ruined them to the people they tried for years to impress. They ruined their daughter, I ruined them.
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72points
#18
I knew a kid in high school who had all the makings of a school shooter. His main interest was martial arts and weapons and he drew a comic for the school newspaper that showed a character that was basically him going on a murder spree through the school. This was right before Columbine, so people didn't see this as a red flag. He also wrote a novel about a character who is basically him going on a rape/murder spree. Even though he wasn't interested, my friend group and I forcibly befriended him and made him hang out with us. My best friend was basically a mother hen and would quickly and firmly correct his antisocial habits when they popped up and explain why they were bad. We also gave him a ton of positive reinforcement for anything non-sociopathic he did.
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72points
#19
"Jim". Not his real name, of course. Anyway, Jim moved to my school in 5th grade. He was socially awkward but you could tell that he wanted to have friends. But for some reason, he was a complete social pariah. Was it because of his weight? I honestly don't know. It's not like he was the only big boy in the school. But for some reason, Jim got singled out. He was tormented mercilessly. I'll give Jim credit. He took it. But how could that not get to him? Still, he took it. For years. Finally, one kid went too far. In the 8th grade, some a*****e "accidentally" spilled his lunch all over Jim. Jim was sitting by himself, of course. And "Randy" thought it would be funny to humiliate Jim in the cafeteria. That particular day, the school had served something messy like chicken fried steak or spaghetti or something like that for lunch. Something that gets everywhere if you spill it. And spill it, Randy did. All over Jim. And Jim... snapped. I mentioned that Jim was heavy. What that translated to (apparently) was immense physical strength. Nobody had been paying attention all those times in PE when Jim would climb the little rope thing WITHOUT using his legs to pull himself up. He was a powerhouse. And Randy poked the bear one time too many. Randy's face was a mess of blood and bruises. Jim gave Randy exactly as much mercy as everyone had given him. Which is to say, absolutely zero. Randy's parents filed a lawsuit against the school district, but I have no idea what came out of that. All I know is that Jim and Randy were never seen at the school again. The teachers and principals all understood what Jim was up against. There's no way they didn't know how miserable he was. But school is a lot like prison. The people in authority don't actually care what happens to you. All they want is for your s**t to stay off of them. As long as you don't make your problems their problems, they're fine with whatever. So, Jim was left to twist in the wind. As victims always are. A few years after graduation, Jim was in the news. He had robbed a convenience store and then gotten shot to death by the cops. The news coverage mentioned a "troubled childhood filled with violence". But I was around for a good bit of his childhood. And on my watch, except for one occasion, the "trouble" and "violence" were completely one-sided. Jim couldn't get a fair deal even in death. Even the news media had to pile on.
69points
#20
Couple of my collegemates used to haze me and bully me. We had to go to a mutual friends' wedding, and we rented a car and drove there. On the way back, we took a bit of a detour and went through a more scenic route, I left them in the middle of the road near nowhere when they went out to pee, they didn't have their phones with them either.
69points